Post # 1
First of this should be in the emotional board.. my bad I’m sorry.
My day in a nutshell:
– Tell my mum that SO took me to look at engagement rings 2 days ago and that we narrowed it down to 3 that I like. She gets upset because I didn’t invite her along.
– Asks me when we are getting engaged: I say that I know it will be before Christmas as we hope to get married September/October next year. Mother says that next year doesn’t suit her and that 2015 would be better and it should be in June (month she got married in).
– SO got his own house in May. Told her months ago that at the end of the year I will move in with him once I have some more savings. She says that my 30y.o brother still lives at home, why can’t I?
– Is upset that I am going to church this weekend with SO since she knows I’m getting baptised this year.. “are you getting baptised behind my back this Sunday because you know I don’t want you to?!”
Thank you for reading my vent… today has been an emotional rollercoaster of being me. Anything I told her that made me happy just made her angry like it usually seems to. 🙁
Post # 3
Mum sure needs to cut the cord.
I am sure all of her resistance is just because she is aware that you are starting an exciting new part of your life, and she probably is just afraid that she is losing you. However, she needs to back off as this type of behaviour will push you away very quickly.
Has she always been a little over-involved?
Post # 4
@Olivepepper: Thank you for your comment. My mum has always been a little bit controlling yes, but in the past year she has just gone over the top. I want to leave asap, the only reason I don’t is because my poor dad is stuck in the middle of this and I know if I leave now it will just cause her to get angrier and get even more involved in everything.
I know she doesn’t want to lose me, but when she acts like this it’s like she isn’t even my mum. I feel like I lost her to some cranky lady.
Post # 5
I know this can be hard (especially when she is quick to be grumpy), but have you sat her down and had a ‘woman to woman’ talk?
Perhaps start by focusing on all the things you are excited to involve her in (once you are engaged) like choosing your dress, and that you will need her help picking venues etc. This will make her aware that you have every intent of sharing this journey with her…
As for the other part, I would just ask her why she is being resistant to these things you are so excited about. What are her fears/ reservations.
I wish you all the best, these situations are really hard when all you want is a hug and a “I am so excited for you” from your Mum.
Post # 6
Yes, your mum needs to let you go a little. “She says that my 30y.o brother still lives at home, why can’t I?” Hm, that’s not good. It sounds like she is afraid of not being involved in your exciting new life. Maybe have an honest conversation with her to assure he you are not abandoning her but that sometimes you will need to do stuff for yourself, especially once married?
My mum is going through the same thing with my younger brothers who are going off to uni. It is hard on mums but they have to expect us to fly the nest at some point.
If she cannot see your reasoning, ask her how she’d feel if her parents had been the same way to her; she would have felt like you do now. Emapthy works both ways. You emapthise with her but she needs to do this for you too.
Post # 7
@emmrr3: Thank you for being so understanding. I’m trying my best to deal with my mum in a nice way but it has been so hard over the past few weeks. I tried yesterday and it ended up in a big argument where she yelled at me and is now giving me extra work to do around the house since I am ‘ready to get married’. I don’t mind giving more help, but if she wants to be friends and get along making me do all the housework isn’t making me grow up. I’m stuck now as to where to go next.