Me, my SO, his son and the vacation drama

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

MiniHeart :  Only he can truly answer this question. Have you ever asked him to plan something for you? I think if he is going to ask his son about a trip, that’s a good indication that he wants to do it, he just doesn’t want to make his son feel uncomfortable which IMO is wonderful to ask him how he eels. I think you need to address your SO about your feelings.

Post # 3
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i don’t see any drama, per say.  but the best person would be to ask is your boyfriend.  maybe he doesn’t like planning, maybe he likes when you do it.  nothing will change until you talk to him.

Post # 4
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

 I can’t help but wondering

Is this sex and the city?

Anyways, have you ever talked to him about initiating more? It sounds like it isnt just the kid that’s the issue, its his lack of involvement in your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

I think aside from wanting to spend time with his son alone (understandable), he seems passive in the relationship. Perhaps managing time with his son and working are all the planning he is able to do at the moment. Ask him about it (leaving his son out of it). After that, stop planning things. Let him make plans if he wants to see you. If the relationship fizzles, you have your answer. This would frustrate me, too. A one-sided relationship never feels good.

Post # 6
Member
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

jellybellynelly :  I’m glad i’m not the only one.

Post # 7
Member
8380 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MiniHeart :  How much vacation time does he get? Why can’t you two plan a trip when the son returns to school? Personally, without a serious commitment, I think it’s still too soon to travel with BF’s son.

The fact that he’s not a planner is something you will probably have to accept if you end up together. 

Post # 8
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds as if his son is his only priority, and you are there for when his son isn’t. If you are ok with this, get used to it. 

Many women wouldn’t be. But this guy doesn’t sound ready for a real steady relationship, at least not until his kid is older and wants to be with his friends more than with Dad.

Post # 9
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Have you met his son? 

If you have, then he’s probably just not interested in sharing a trip with you and his son. He wants to focus totally on his son.

If you haven’t met his son, there’s probably a reason. He doesn’t really sound that interested in you based on what you’ve posted. 

Dating someone with a child, especially an older child, is very touchy. Sounds like you and him need to sit down and have some serious conversations. 

Post # 11
Member
8380 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

MiniHeart :  A ten year old shouldn’t be making decisions like these. It is inappropriate IMO to put what should be an adult decision on him. 

Post # 12
Member
4842 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

MiniHeart :  You’ve only been together for a year, so I’m just wondering how many possible trips you could have planned? 

How often does your SO get to spend time with his son completely alone? It sounds like you two are together every weekend so that means you’d be there almost every time he gets time with his son. Is that correct? If that’s the case, I understand why he wants some alone time with his kid. 

Also, just to throw this out there: My husband is not a planner AT ALL. If I want to go somewhere or do something special, I have to organize and plan it myself. I’m a planner by nature though, so this works for me. My husband is always happy to go on trips and whatnot, but the idea of planning them completely stresses him out to the point where he’d just rather stay home. 

Post # 13
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

weddingmaven :  Agree 100%. It shouldn’t fall on his son. 

Personally, but yourself in the shoes of his son. I wouldn’t be comfortable going on a vacation with my dad and his new girlfriend. Especially when that time is the only 1 on 1 I get with my dad. (Sure he gets him every other weekend but that’s nothing). 

Post # 15
Member
9351 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

MiniHeart :  if you’re mad that a ten year old is deciding your life, you might want to date someone who doesn’t have one. 

Sorry to be harsh, but Theres just no way for a father to be a decent father and not make plans with his kid, plans he really shouldn’t change for his girlfriend esp when this is the only month he gets him. 

 

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