Post # 1
I just got back from having dinner with my FI’s aunt, uncle and cousins. I’m visiting their city on a work-related trip, so it was just me and them (no FI). They’re all nice and I haven’t seen them since we got engaged a few months ago, so I was excited to catch up.
During dinner, FIs aunt asked to see the ring, so I started showing it off. My ring is a simple three stone, with a little bit less than a carat in the center. I think it is beautiful and sparkly and I like that it is low to my finger, easy to wear, and will never go out of style. FI proposed with a (plastic) ring that had sentimental meaning for us and then we picked this one out together from a jewlery store that was selling estate rings. I was excited to get an estate piece because I like the idea of recycling diamonds instead of driving more consumption and FI and I would rather use our money for travel or a house than a huge ring (no judgement of those who want something different–just trying to explain why this was the right choice for us). Even still, this is the most expensive item I’ve ever owned other than a car, so I think it is amazing!
So back to dinner. I’m holding out my hand so everyone can see my ring and FIs female cousin (age 27) says, “Is it a hand-me down?” I was so surprised, I didn’t know what to say, so she kept going, saying “I mean was it somebody else’s before? Like what do you call that? I guess you could say vintage??” I really didn’t know what to say in response to her rude comments, so I mumbled something and then changed the subject. But it really hurt my feelings.
I don’t want to call my FI and tell him that his cousin called my ring a hand-me down because I honestly think he’s be devastated. He was so nervous about picking the ring and really wanted me to love it (which I do). Even though I know I shouldn’t care about what she said, and I know that my ring is estate and I’m happy with that, the way she said it made it sound like she thought my ring was cheap or not that nice and that she’d never be caught dead in a ring like mine. And that really hurt my feelings.
Has anyone else gotten mean comments about their rings? Anyone else have someone say something about their ring not being new? Did it hurt your feelings? Did you tell your FI? Do you think I’m being too sensitive?
Thanks for listening to me vent!
Post # 3
@tennesseebee418: Ugh, what a cow!! She’s either jealous or just really really rude.
I am sure your ring is gorgeous. You should post some pics here and you’ll get tons of compliments.
It seems like everyone gets rude comments about their ring. I don’t have my ring yet but I’m already anticipating them.
The thing to remember is that no matter what, you can’t please everyone. It’s either too big and gaudy so you’ll get the “oh I’d never wear something that BIG” or “is it real?!” to it being too small.. “oh.. it’s so cute!”… to it being the wrong color or the wrong setting.. etc.
As long as you love it, that’s all that matters!
Post # 4
@tennesseebee418: i dont think you are being sensitive at all! she was just rudeee… i would say if it really bothers you not sharing that experience with your FI then tell him… if you can live with it and ignore it then dont say anything, let it roll and avoid some dramaa.. my ring it is also a little under a carat and it is solitaire and i get a lot of people not reacting at all to my ring.. lols.. so i dont show it off anymore, i just wear it and if they ask about my engagement then i will talk about it but i would not “show it off” unless they ask for my hand to see it closer lols..
Post # 5
@tennesseebee418: I think what she said says a lot more about her, than about your ring. Some people are just not that classy. Sounds like she is one of them.
I don’t think you’re being TOO sensitive. It is an important peice of jewelry, and it a symbol of something bigger. So when we feel that someone is insulting the ring, we feel like they are really insulting our relationship. That being said, I wouldn’t dwell on her comments for very long. She is clearly misinformed about what “vintage” is, and you love your ring (and I am sure it is lovely – post a pic pls), so that is all that matters.
As for telling your fiance, I wouldn’t tell him. There is no need to hurt his feelings or make him feel bad. I had a jewelry store employee question if my ring was real (it is), and I told my fiance and he was pretty upset about it. I know the employee was an idiot, but he felt like he somehow provided me with a bad ring. I wish I had protected him from that.
Post # 6
I think that everybody has an opinion and you can’t let others opinions hurt you. You know what you like and so nobody should be able to take that away with their comments. I do understand what you are saying though….
I have a beautiful pre-owned .36 solitaire and it is the most gorgeous thing I have ever owned because he thought of me when he saw it and he bought it immediately and gave it to me as a ‘promise ring’. I had a girlfriend get engaged at approximately the same time who looked at my little ring and said “oh, isn’t that cute?”.
My FI wanted to buy me a brand new, big matching set for the ‘real engagement’. I went along with him and we started looking, and looking, and looking. $2,000, $4,000, $10,000, $25,000. After finally deciding on one together, I stopped him from buying it.
Nothing will compare to the the sentiment that goes along with my little pre-owned ‘promise ring’ and so I have decided to wear it proudly as my e-ring.
Post # 7
@dihy: Aw I love your story!!!!! I want to see pics of your ring too now 🙂
Post # 8
This is why I didn’t tell anybody I was engaged and actually wanted everybody who did know about it to not talk about it. I know it’s weird, because most people run around telling everybody they’re engaged, but my reaction to it was “just get away from me I don’t want to talk about it”. I just didn’t want to hear the possible ignorant/snarky/stupid/rude comments about it.
*hugs* Your ring is gorgeous because you love it. I don’t need a pic.
Post # 9
If she asks again look her straight in the eye and ask her What does it matter?, What difference does it make? or anything along that lines and see what she has to say for herself or if it would make her realize what a stupid question that is.
Post # 10
Wow. That speaks volumes about your FI’s cousin and says nothing whatsoever about your ring. Tons of women would kill to wear a ring like that! I think it sounds lovely and timeless. Don’t give it another thought, and don’t tell your FI.
If it’s still bugging you in a day or two, I would recommend taking a teeny bit of the money you guys saved and making a modest charitable contribution to a cause you believe in. Sometimes doing something generous to help make the world a brighter place can make other people’s unkindness and shallowness seem so much less important.
Post # 12
@canarydiamond: Lol…thanks…me thinks this lady needs a chance to show off her ring right now though 😉
Post # 13
It might help to have a prepared answer in future. Like when people ask, “How much did your ring cost?”. Have an answer prepared like “That’s a secret” or if they get pushy: “None of your business”.
Post # 14
@tennesseebee418: Were her comments really rude? I don’t know, it sounds as though she was making conversation about your ring, shwoing interest in it. You’ve got a vintage ring, right? (You said it was an estate pieces.) It’s natural to ask if it was a family ring i.e. “hand me down.”
I”m not sure I’d be offended by her words as you’ve related them.
Post # 15
Ugh. I don’t fucking understand what people gain when theyre rude and purposely try to make others feel bad for whatever reason. Youre ring sounds lovely and she sounds like a bitch. (Sorry) Ive gotten some rude comments too, so dont worry. Haters gonna hate lol 😉
Post # 16
I wasn’t there to hear the inflection in her words…but I’m sorry the way that she said it made you feel bad. But the answer (as a fellow “hand-me-down” ring bride — family heirloom) is YUP, IT IS. And we are frugal and badass.
I hope maybe she just doesn’t speak wedding and doesn’t know what the proper, complimentary, tactful phrase for a estate ring is.