Medical Spouses? Need to vent/get advice…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe you can find some consolation knowing that your husband didn’t expect this either.   On some intellectual level you know it is long hours and hard work, but on a realistic/emotional level until you’re in the thick of it you don’t ‘get’ what internship is.   In some ways when he emerges on the other side of internship he will be a different person than he is now.   Much of his growth into a functioning physician will occur this year and simply be fine-tuned over the remainder of residency and fellowship.  

  Hopefully when you get back to work it’ll seem a bit less lonely for you, but the reality is that for this year especially there will not be a lot of time for you two to be together.  As a 3rd year IM resident the schedule may be a bit better.  Then there’s the whole studying for boards thing. 

Honestly, for as long as he’s training, it’s going to be long hours.  But at some point you do find some normalcy in the horrible schedule.  This first year is the worst though.  Hang in there. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@Ms.GoodEarth:  argh, sounds horrible. Are there any other wives of interns you can friend up with? There is solace in commiseration sometimes!

I would try to save for my own car. Not feeling so trapped may help to make this trying time easier for you.

Post # 6
Member
535 posts
Busy bee

@Ms.GoodEarth:  I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. As someone who had both parents do residency when I was an older child my experience is somewhat different, but I know enough to know that it does get better eventually. Residency is tough and from what I know many hospitals don’t follow the regulations. It is not uncommon. You two will get through it, and it does get better eventually. Your husband will likely always have a demanding job, however. That is just something that comes with being a doctor.

This sub-forum might be more helpful for you than weddingbee, since it’s a support forum specifically for medical spouses and partners: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/forumdisplay.php?f=29

Post # 7
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Ms.GoodEarth:  It gets better!  My husband is a 2nd year resident.  First, remember that it changes by what rotation they are on.  He WILL have blocks where he is not super busy at all (on back up or on elective or clinic).  Plus it’s internship and the very first month at that!  They get more efficient with note writing etc which means he will be home earlier and earlier through the year.  Internship was terrible, really terrible, but you will get through it.  2nd year seems much better already!  You might want to connect with some of the other spouses of the docs in his program.  I have made a good friend that way.  

I think I am in a similar position to you.  We moved here and I work about an hour away so I can’t really hang out with friends from work because it’s so far and I normally just want to get home.  My only friend right now is another wife of a doc, but she has a lot of other friends here already.  It is slow goings and I work a lot, so not as much opportunity for me to make friends, but you really will make friends.  Try to take advantage of the social gatherines amongst the people in your husband’s program and there should be a lot of them.  You will meet people that way and make friends.

My best advice really is to give it a little time.  He will not have to work as much because he will know what he’s doing.  This is the very hardest time of the year, I swear, because everything is very new and overwhelming.  Feel free to PM me to discuss or ask any questions.

Post # 8
Member
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the advice PPs have given but I also wanted to suggest you look for a job for the summer? You said money is tight, plus you’re lonely. Do you have any skills that you could fit into a part time and/or temporary job? You would also meet people this way. Or you could do some volunteer work. Hang in there!

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