- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
My husband (!) and I got married about a month ago, and it’s been forever since I’ve been on here! I just finished my first year of teaching, and I guess time slipped away from me! Anyway, I’m back, will post updates of the wedding once I get wedding pics. For the meantime, I need an ear. Or many.
My husband is a doctor and started intern year (first year of residency) this past Monday. Ever since then, he has worked until AT LEAST midnight EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. He leaves every morning by 5am, doesn’t get home until at least 1am. Now, there are regulations against this, he’s supposed to leave NO LATER than 10pm, but he and everyone at the hospital are ignoring this law. And there’s no getting around it.
I’m just so lonely. As I said, I’m a teacher, and I can’t help but see this huge gaping hole of a summer ahead of me. We live in Los Angeles (and have for 4 years now) and only have one car, which he is using. So I feel trapped at home with our dog. Almost all of my friends live far away, but the ones who live in LA are teachers and on vacation somewhere amazing with their spouses/partners. I know I need to get out and do something, but I feel trapped because money is tight, seeing that we just spent $15,000 on a wedding and have $250,000+ in student loans we have to pay back.
Anyway, all that doesn’t matter. I will hang out with friends. I will find hobbies. I will get through this. But right now, I just feel so dreadfully lonely. I can’t help but feel like we got married and IMMEDIATELY I’m alone. I didn’t have any time to enjoy married life! No honeymoon period, no enjoying my summer off with a wonderful vacation with my new husband. Just alone. I just am so sad because I thought it would be better. I knew I wouldn’t see him, but I haven’t even talked to him for more than 2 minutes in over a week. He doesn’t call, says he has no time to return texts.
The thing that makes me so sad is that I love him so intensely, and we have had the BEST relationship. I’ve been with him through college, through medical school. I can get thorugh this. I just can’t help but feel like this is going to be my life for the next 7 years (3 years of Internal Medicine residency plus 4 years of cardiology fellowship). I hear it gets better. I know it will. But I’m so afraid it won’t. He gets one day off a week and he told me he can’t even hang out with me then because he has to finish an article for a professor he’s working with. I’m normally a VERY strong woman and can handle being alone but this is HARD. I didn’t know i’d miss him this intensely.
Anyone with any advice? Experience that it DOES get better? I feel so desperately alone.