(Closed) medical student FI – fighting with family for vacation time

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

That’s a hard situation, I would talk to your FI about feeling left out, if you’re engaged why arent’ you going on the vacations as well (but paying your way)?

This is also funny to me because my FI’s entire family are also doctors, and they too go on numerous long international trips each year. Luckily I am spoiled enough to be invited, but I can’t get the same amount of vacation time they have! This year I am missing out on a vacation to Florence because all my paid vacation time is going to the wedding / honeymoon, rough!

Post # 4
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@bearolion:  My SO goes on family vacations. I couldn’t tag along for the first 3 summers together. On the 4th summer, I was invited. SO and I wanted to get our own villa to have some space (his family can be a lot to handle). When SO told his Mom, she FLIPPED out and cried. Needless to say, we stayed with them, which I found stressfull. The 5th summer, we managed to get a separate place. The 6th summer, we stayed with them again just because I’m back in school and couldn’t afford it any other way (but I don’t think I’m doing that again)

What I found with his family is that it has to be taken in stages. First, go on a vacation with them, then I was able to get our own place…..but going on vacation with them plus having our place was too much for his mom to handle all at once lol!

Some how try to make some baby steps!

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s tough… it sounds that he actually enjoys going?  So you don’t want to A-Keep him from doing something he wants and B-Put the kibosh on a family tradition.

What’s going to happen once you guys are hitched?  Does he intend to continue going on vacation with his family without you?  Because that would be weird.

I would tell him how you feel, be honest.

Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Can you just talk to him about making some time to do something together? Don’t make it a you vs. his family thing, just say you really are wanting to spend some quality time together, suggest the B&B if that’s what you want to do. If he says that he doesn’t have time because he wants to save his vacation time for his family then you have a bigger issue and will need to discuss it, but it might be that he never even considered that you might want some special time since he sees you every day (which is clueless and taking you for granted, but pretty easily fixed).

Post # 7
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I actually think it’s pretty odd that they don’t invite you, especially now that you’re engaged. My family goes on an annual beach vacation and DH has been invited since the very first one after we started dating! How does he feel about them not inviting you? Would you want to go? Would he be open to asking them if you can come since you’ll be family now, too? And last, if money is a potential issue for them, could you both split the bill for your part of the trip if his family covers his?

Post # 8
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it’s AWFUL they don’t invite you! You’re his future wife, not his flavor of the onth!

Post # 9
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

You need to talk to your FI and have him talk to his family about including you in these trips too.  The two of you are engaged and you are becoming a part of the family and should absolutely be included!

Post # 10
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I also think its odd that they don’t invite you along.  Is there a particular reason for that? do you not get along with the family? If you’re engaged this means you’ll be part of the family soon, and this could be a great opportunity for you to get to know the entire family better, can you ask your fiance about coming along to the family vacations? At least one a year?  I would also speak to him about having some special alone time, maybe a B&B, something that you can do on a weekend and don’t need to take time off for.

 

Good luck

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