Meeting my mom

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should my bf meet my mom BEFORE we get engaged?
    Yes, it is important and worth the effort it would take. : (27 votes)
    53 %
    Nah, it can wait a few months, not the end of the world. : (24 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 3
    573 posts
    Busy bee

    @badaboop:  I think driving 14 hours in total in one day is a LOT of driving, where you would unlikely spend much time with your mom once you are there.  Why not invite her to come see you since she is able, as she is not tied down with work hours/leave, so she can make a trip of it?

    Or, let it wait until Spring.

    Fingers crossed for your proposal; it’s about you and your SO 🙂

    Post # 4
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    @badaboop:  is there not somewhere you can go and meet halfway?

    Post # 5
    2627 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Usually I would say its important, but given your current relationship (or lack thereof) I dont think this is mandatory.

    Post # 6
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    It depends on what your mom wants. My mom is kinda like that, though we see each other frequently because she lives close, but I can’t imagine she’d make the effort to travel if we lived far away. Sometimes I do things with/for her because I know it will be easier than to face a potential backlash.

    But only you know your family. Some people would be appalled at the way I am with my mother and keep her at a distance, but those are people whose mothers treat them a certain way too.

    Post # 8
    6678 posts
    Bee Keeper

    There are a subset of  parents who believe, for better or worse, that it is the responsibility of the children to call and visit, not the other way around. It’s a totally foreign thing to me, and I would never behave that way when it’s my turn,  but is it possible that your mom was raised this way and now thinks it’s your turn?

     I also know parents of friends and relatives who actually think they are imposing to visit or call their own kid. I think that’s  crazy, personally, but I’ ve heard of a surprising number of families that function this way.    Have  you ever invited your mother to visit you or had a conversation about your wish to see her more often? 

     We used to live a similar distance from family and drove there for weekends and holidays all the time.  I’d make the effort, myself, yes. 

    Post # 9
    271 posts
    Helper bee

    no, she is not a major factor/influence in your life so whether she meets your bf or not shouldn’t mske a difference x

    Post # 10
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    My fiancé is not close with his mother at all. I haven’t met her, and won’t until our wedding. I don’t think it’s something I’d put too much effort into. If you had some time off and were going to take a trip to the area anyway, it’d be nice to go see her and introduce them. But to take off work and drive all that way for someone who doesn’t seem to be all that interested anyway? I wouldn’t bother. 

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