Post # 1
Hi bees 🙂
Tonight my FI and myself are going to the church to meet with the minister and consistory (elders and deacons) about our reception. I need some advice or thoughs about how to deal with this.
My FI grw up in a Reformed church and they do not believe that dancing is apporpriate because of the sexual feelings between non-married individuals that dancing can promote.
I am a new christian and have a really good relationship with my FI, his family, church, and minister. In my family, dancing is standard at a wedding.
To compromise, we have chosen a venue on a farm with dinner, speeches and a bonfire.. during which we will have clean country music playing and have 1. a husband wife dance 2. father daughter dance. These are mportant parts that I will just not compromise about.
The minister understands and will find a way to marry us, however we need to present our compromise to the consistory. Their concern is that this could open the doors for other couples to argue about the protocol and cause issues. They are also concerned about other churches in the denomonation misunderstanding and think that they allowed us to have a dance.
I think everything will be okay, but it makes me emotional because I am giving up alot to follow the reformed rules, which I am happy to do, but have a hard time being so accepting when they are sometimes not accepting of me.
Now please, there is very little information here. I am at this church for the right reasons and I know that this situation can rile up alot of non-believers and can easily turn into a debate. I cannot express the whole story here .. and think very highly of my church and their protocol. I just need some advice from those willing to give it. No matter what your opinions are on religion or what is going on here, I respect them all, but this situation is real, its happening and criticism against our beliefs will not help tonight.
Thanks all, I really appreciate any help!
Post # 3
I think that if you think highly of your church and trust their choices, then you have to preapre yourself to be at peace with whichever decision they make.
Post # 4
@missrobots: That is true. I never thought if it that way actually.
It is very difficult to live a non-christian life and then transition to one where a lot of norms are changed. I struggle with this sometimes.
Post # 5
@Seashells7: I grew up christian, still am, and it’s still hard. I struggle all the time but that’s the devil tempting us. Like missrobots said, you just have to accept what the church decides. In the end, it’s what God wants, right?
Post # 6
I think it’s important to frequently question the choices of your religious leadership and if those choices are right for you, because relgious leaders are not any less human than we are. They will make mistakes. But you say that you have faith in them, and you feel strongly this is the right church for you, so as long as you’re not sacrificing your true self to conform to their restrictions, then you have to be okay with not always hearing what you want to hear.
Also, full disclosure, I’m agnostic and have no connection to any organized religion.
Post # 7
I really appre4ciate both of your responses. I am grateful that we are getting the chance to speak with our church leaders about this before a decision is made.
It makes me feel so much better to think that they are human as well. I know that whichever way it goes tonight, it is Gods will..
It is very difficult for me not to be emotional about this because I am trying so hard to do the right thing.
Post # 8
@Seashells7: This is one of those times where you just have to let God change your heart more into His own & let HIS resolve fill you instead of your own. Over and over He asks us to do, say, or think in ways that are contray to who “we” are & we simply have to follow His guidance letting Him change us along the way.
Awhile back there was another bee in almost the same position. Hundreds of posts later & lots of debate back & forth it was inspiring to see how what started as conflict in her heart became a praiseful obedience to what God was asking of her.
It sounds like you already have a mature understanding of spiritual authority & walking obediently with God so at this point you just have to take it to Him & ask for His peace in whatever is decided. Will you have to wrestle with God if its against what you want?… Probably, BUT He can change that conflict into resolve & bring you closer to Himself & who He’s created you to be in the process.
Post # 9
Thanks for everyones supportive words !
the meeting went really really well last night, we prayed before that God give us strength and allow the consistory to see that our hearts are with God. We left all things to Him and He came through (as always!) and things were great!
There hasnt been a decision made yet, but things seemed positive and the borthers were smiling and nodding which is a really good sign. They did not express many concerns. Once they discuss we wil hear back from them and I will update again 🙂
Post # 10
Wow, that’s intense. I’m from a Christian Reformed Church, which is slightly different from the Reformed Church and we are not at all that strict. Every CRC wedding i’ve been to had dancing. Back in the 80s there wasn’t any, but there is now. Event he Christian schools here have school dances in high school.
I’m glad things are going well though! Hopefully you get your way!