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He doesn't think other women do it because other women do it in private...and then vent to the Bees!
Ok wait, is May 12, 2012 your actual date? And he's already purchased the ring, he just hasn't given it to you yet? If both of those things are true, you may need to back off a bit. He can't make the jeweler get the ring ready any faster than he is, you know? If the two of you have chosen a date and the ring has been purchased, a proposal is sure to follow, so it's not a matter of "if" it's a matter of "when." Continual pressure under those circumstances is not going to result in anything good.
I agree that laughing at you is a total jerk move, though. That's the absolute WORST thing a man can do when his woman is upset. They really need to teach that in "man school."
He should take a look at the Bee to see that waiting is more common than he thinks! I don't know how old you are but the reason I think waiting is harder for women is because they have their biological clock to keep in mind of. I'm 27 and although I don't want to have kids right now I knew that we had to get this show on the road with my FI if we wanted to have some someday. Otherwise I would have to start over, and dating and falling in love takes years, which need to be taken account of. Guys just don't get that. Another thing that might affect a guy's timing is whether he has guy friends or brother who are already married. If he's the first one out of the bunch I think he might not feel as much pressure to get engaged.
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your BF. It was really mean that he laughed at your face. :( As great as the Bee is, it's really sad reading all the wedding posts when you're not actually engaged. Maybe you should take that time off from wedding related stuff to get your mind off it.
I had a meltdown the less than 1 week before my FI proposed.
He had agreed to a time line where he would propose by the end of August 2010. Well the last weekend in August came and went with no proposal. So Sunday night, despite trying really hard not to, I completely broke down.
Ugly tears, the whole deal. He said he was sorry, but he just couldn't get everything together and time and to trust him. The following Friday (labor day weekend) he proposed after a wonderful dinner out.
Turned out that during my melt down the ring was SITTING IN THE CLOSET in our bedroom.
My FI is NOT a planner at all either. But he did a fantastic job planning a proposal. I agree with others, stop talking about ANYTHING wedding related. Try to go back to how you were before you got wedding fever. Remind your bf why he wants to marry you and who it was he fell in love with (not this new overly emotional marriage-obsessed person).
Good luck!
I agree with previous posts... laughing is not a good thing for him to do when you're upset. It only make things worse. I don't know what rock he's been hiding under, because there's tons of women out there that are waiting and very upset about it. Just because he isn't privy to what goes on behind other people's closed doors, doesn't mean that he should make assumptions about it.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, sweetie. I know it must be hard to come on here because there's SO many engagements happening left and right. It gets hard for me sometimes too. Hang in there.
I had a meltdown about a week ago which resulted in me finding out there is a ring under the tree but not an e-ring. The meltdown actually ended up helping us out, since I knew there wasn't a e-ring coming soon, I was able to put it out of my mind and we had a GREAT Christmas Day together with our families.
Sometimes a meltdown is needed in my option as the build up of emotions is just too much and need to be released. If they are released to your SO, then hopefully it will encourage engagement talks and help him get on the same page as some men are really affected when they see their SO hurt. I would be concerned if you had continual meltdowns as those would not be healthy. Think of a meltdown like a volcano- once it erupts, it tends not to show up again until some time has passed.
Oh girl, I TOTALLY feel your pain! I used to love watching all the wedding shows and I shocked myself when I had to change the channel! I have trouble getting on here at times, too! I think my BF thought i was the only one to have meltdowns, too. I think it is totally fair of me to have had mine--It was 4 1/2 years before I had my first one. I could have done it at 2 years, 2 1/2, 3, etc, but I DIDNT!! He is lucky I was patient as long as I was! I dont think I did anything wrong by letting him know how I feel.
We have gone ring shopping and there have been a few times when we have had discussions and he tried to say that we maybe shouldn't have done it together, that he should have just gone out and gotten one. Well yes, maybe he should have, bc THEN WE WOULDNT BE IN THE SITUATION WE ARE IN!!! (I.e. me getting so pissed about waiting). Usually this is brought on by the fact that I don't think I will be surprised and that some of the fun might be ruined by me knowing so much ab our impending proposal. I do feel this way, but at this point I just want to be engaged to the love of my life and I don't care if I am surprised or not, although it does make me sad that I missed out on what most girls get (the surprise factor).
So to answer your question, YES! I have felt like this, you are definitely NOT alone!!!
Thanks ladies!!!
It feels better knowing i'm not the only one feeling crazy! To answer some of the questions. I'm 33 and he's 37. He already has twin daughters and we have none together (that won't happen until we're married). He knows I'm going thru about to loss my job status right now too so I'm already stressed as it is. We have been dating for 3 years on Jan. 22nd!! So it's been a LONG time coming.
Nope May 12th isn't the day but May 19th is. LOL We have it pushed back that far due to finances and I've always wanted a spring wedding. Oh and I have NO problem watching my show My Fair Wedding w/David Tutera (b/c I LOVE LOVE LOVE him; and want him to design my wedding so bad) but most other things...not so much.
Also, he had to take the ring back a few weeks ago b/c the stone had a chip in it. SO I know that he has to put more money on it b/c of the new stone, and he has to give the roommate money for rent earlier than normal so he hasn't been able to do what he wanted to for NYE. So now we're going to Melting Pot for dinner, and not sure what else that night. At least I'll get a good meal! LOL
@yellowlinedpage...YOU ARE SIMILAR! :)
I'm hanging in there ladies! Thanks for the encouragement! It helps!! :)
Yes, I had several meltdowns. Only after the fact did I realize I should have been a teeeny tiny bit more patient b/c my constant freak outs only upset both me and him.
I just had one recently...I wrote a post called "I did the ugly cry last night :(" LOL. It's really hard. It's great that he has the ring, mine does too, but I think that kind of ups the waiting anxiety in some weird way. I thought it would be the opposite but for me it's kind of worse!
I had such a bad meltdown that he stormed out of the apartment, went down to the basement, came back up with the ring and proposed...Yikes!
@trailmix: Haha that's awesome! I kinda wish that would happen to me!
I had a meltdown (tears and all) about 2 days before he proposed. Turns out he had the ring for a few days already and had it all planned, which explains why he was so calm and collected when I was upset (at the time, it just made me really mad!). Oh the things us girls go through!
I completely freaked out, more than once... You are not alone!!!
I freaked out a week before he proposed - but he had been planning to propose on our 5 year anniversary!
I had several ugly teary meltdowns in the months after the timing we had initially discussed didn't happen (at that point we had been dating 3.5 years and living together 1). Don't regret it one bit either. It was what I was feeling at the time and I don't think it's healthy to keep suppressing that kind of rage, lol. I wouldn't be married now if I had just gone with the flow.
He could have avoided this if he had gotten his act together to propose during the first 3.5 years of our relationship :)
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I had a Major meltdown on Sunday night about being tired of waiting for the engagement and the fact that it hasn't happened. I also, know that it's not going to happen this upcoming weekend and it didn't happen on Sunday or 2 other times like I was thinking it would. So what type of reaction would you think I got when this happened? ...my man laughed at me and said that the man shouldn't be pressured into an engagement and they should do it their way. (I agree and wasn't saying that). However, he thought for some reason I'm the only woman he's seen get upset b/c I haven't gotten the ring yet and NO OTHER woman would be upset like I was because an engagement hasn't occured yet. He seems to think I'm the only one out there that would be upset about this and shouldn't be and because most other women wouldn't be. I said UH WRONG, and stop compairing me to other women you've known.
Of course that got me even more pissed he would have the nerve to laugh at me when I was already hurt by the fact I haven't gotten the ring! At this rate all special days are gone, because he won't do it on a Holiday, except for Jan. 22nd which is our 3rd anniversary and I doubt it will happen then either because he stinks at planning anything! He can't even plan NYE at this rate.
Is it just me or do men just NOT get what it does to us! Then to top it off now he's saying he wished we hadn't looked at rings together, or talked about them, blah, blah...I told him fine, if he is regretting the ring and doesn't want to make me happy then take it back and find something else and stop complaining about it! I'm still really hurt and really wish I didn't know anything more about the ring. Plus the ring is still in the store getting fixed!
Long end of the story, we agreed not to talk about any more wedding stuff/rings until we're actually engaged. (Which he failed again at last night when he started to mention something and I ended that subject quickly) I have lost all motivation, joy, excitement in discussing wedding topics. I've even been having a hard time coming on this website lately too. LOL It's been too hard on me lately.
So this has gotten me thinking so I thought I would create a poll to see how other waiting bees are doing in this area and if they had or are having a meltdow while waiting. Anyone else out there feel like this???