Post # 1
No, not the restaurant. No fondue here.
A little background info:
I was born in Canada with Chinese background and he was also born in Canada with Eastern European influences.
Ideally I would like to incorporate both cultures into a North American ceremony and reception. However, he is adamant on not wearing asian/east euro clothing during the wedding or doing any cultural traditions of either culture.
He’s ok with a multicultural menu for the reception, however, to suit the tastes of different guests.
Do I try to convince him to allow for some cultural influences? What do the majority of people do in this situation?
Post # 3
I hear you, I’m in Canada and see tons of intercultural families. Is there a reason he’s so adamant about not being cultural? To me that’s something to celebrate, but maybe he’s uneasy about the dffferences? Try to talk to him and see why he feels that way.
In our situation, FI’s cultural background is much stronger, and I’m also in love with the culture having spent time living there (Italy). We’re making it an Italian wedding because that truly does represent us in values – big, inclusive family, lots of food, wine, dancing, etc. So I’m carrying it through with Italian in our mass (getting married in the Italian church and we share love of the lanauge), in the music (because it matches), Renaissance art on the invites (the reason i lived there was because i studied renaissance art), we’re inviting “the whole village” – everyone that makes our village that we love and know (500 ppl), but there are some little ways I’m going to bring in my own background. My family is pretty white washed but is eastern european. I’m going to have kielbasa (Ukranian sausage) on our antipasti plate because that’s the one thing we consistently eat at family functions on my side. Its unexpected and doesn’t fit in at all but it makes its little mark. I’m hoping to have pictures of our grandparents – that will reflect where we come from.
I think there are subtle ways you can incorporate your culture without having an over-the-top experience at the wedding. Just talk to your man!
Post # 4
Well I am a Heinz 57 (made up of all kinds of crap i.e. Scot-Irish, Native American, French are most prominant). However, I was born and raised in Good ol’ US of A. So for my wedding I was planning on just doing some DIY traditional stuff. My fiance is Spanish/Mexican. So we incorporated an English/Spanish ceremony (not dress or anything but it will be done in both English and Spanish). Our food is going to be Mexican, Phillipino/Chinese, and American (okay I know I am not Phillipino lol but my Step-Mother is Filipina/chinese and she makes the most amazing food!) I think trying to incorporate foods and other items might be good if he doesn’t want to do the ‘dress’. Maybe music, decor, or something small that incorporates culture without doing traditional dress for the cultures might work.
My Fiance family is strict Catholic, my family are very lose Non-demoninational, so we decided to religious aspects to the wedding that way neither religion is offended (mine probably wouldn’t care to much since they aren’t sticklers for religion but I prefer not to have anything Catholic and his family would be pretty strict against other religious things). You could try and do something like for the cultural aspect as well if he is really adament about not having any. Just leave any specific cultural affiliation out of it.
Post # 5
@bella128: That’s cool that you and your SO share the interest for his cultural background.
Where in Italy did you live?
Also I hope this won’t bother you but you may find that in italian weddings nowadays dancing isn’t that common, the reception tends to be more about the food. The whole crazy dancing is definetly more an anglosaxon thing. At least it has always been for me, on my father’s side of the family and at my italian friends wedding there tends to not be much dancing whereas on my mother’s side of the family and my irish and british friends there usually is a lot of crazy dancing (usually drunken dancing I must admit). The italians tend to not want to go crazy and dance, they’re usually too scared of non fare una bella figura!
Post # 6
I’d tell him to piss on it. I’m wearing a cultural dress- now if HE didn’t want to, I wouldn’t force him to but my body, my dress, my choice.
Post # 7
first I did think of the resturant…LOL
I agree with Bella128
Post # 8
We did a mix of several things. I’m Vietnamese and Catholic; Darling Husband is white and atheist. We had a Catholic ceremony but no mass; and, I wore an ao dai and we had a Chinese-style banquet at a Chinese restaurant.
I would definitely talk to your Fiance again about it. As long as you’re not making him do anything that he is uncomfortable with, I don’t see why you can’t incorporate some of your culture in the wedding.
Post # 9
@Sparkle_Bee: I just realised i didn’t answer the question, but I think your wedding should reflect how involved in your backgrounds you are.
SO is american (from the US) but has different backgrounds: lebanese, irish, english, and german. But he isn’t really much involved and doesn’t know much about the cultures of these countries so i think he’d feel silly using these traditions at our weddings. Likewise my father is italian and my mother is irish but I grew up in England and that’s the culture I identify with so I wouldn’t use any italian or irish traditions. They would feel out of place.
Post # 10
Why is he uncomfortable with the traditions from each of your cultural backgrounds? Many people would be highly offended not to have at least some of their background culture’s influence in the wedding. Even if he is not attached to/identified with his own cultural background, asking/telling you not to include yours seems rude and also concerning… is he really going to honor your culture’s traditions (the ones you want to continue) in other things in the marriage? Especially with the kids?
I don’t believe in anyone having to lose or water down their culture just because they are living in, or even a citizen of, another country. Countries do not own us.