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Ugh, I had this discussion with FI this weekend. Any good black Friday deal he'd see, he'd be all excited...'I should get a 52" tv!'...'I need a new guitar'...etc, etc. I'd mentioned to him EACH TIME about saving up for the wedding and how that needs to be our priority. Today when he was discussing a new TV again, he quickly followed up with ....'later, once the wedding's over'.
It's too bad your FMIL doesn't get it, but I'd definitely have a heart to heart with FI and see if he can work on curbing the spending and discussing big purchases like that, especially after giving up your dinner together. He'll get it, it may just take a few times. Is there something he loves about the wedding/really wants in it? If he gets that each $100 splurge over what you'd planned on spending sets him back on something he likes for the big day, it might sink in. Once it's in his head, he may be able to tell FMIL no when it comes to ridiculous requests.
Oh he would SOOOOOOOO be in the doghouse with me!! He basically erased an opportunity to be good to you (an anniversary dinner) so he could give his brother something for an ordinary holiday (not even something momentous like a graduation or something!). Woof.
sorry you had to cancel your dinner Jill, hopefully it will drive home how the choices he makes affects the both of you and the bigger picture
The process probably went like this
FI thinking: Omg what am I going to get lil bro for xmas I have no idea? I know, Ill ask my mom
FI: What does lil bro want for xmas?
FMIL: Lil bro wants Nintendo Wii for Christmas
FI: Okay love you bye
FI thinking: I could spend a lot of time, stress and energy looking for something less expensive. I should probably do that. What could I get him.....hmmm......thinking....a flashlight....maybe....no.....slippers....no lame...OR I COULD GET LIL BRO WHAT HE REALLY WANTS no matter how much it costs. Sounds like a great idea.
He hasn't given him the gift yet right? Have FI return the gift. Enjoy the nice dinner and the find a normal less expensive gift for the little brother. =)
@Jillbean: My fmil asked my fh for a lapptop for herself....my fh has 2 children that we have been shooping for and i was so excited about finding good deals. But laptop... I dont know what we are going to do. She text'd him pics of doorbuster deals all over 200 bucks but would require me possibly getting into a boxing match in some random target... sigh good luck to you.
I agree with pink shoes, return the gift, go out for dinner and get the 15 year old a gift you and your future husband think should be appropriate for a 15 year old.....nuf said.
angiexox OMG! You are hilarious!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
Jillbean I had this same thing happen to me and my SO. His mom actually asked for a new garage door opener (the mechanism with remote and everything) and then had the nerve to say they would need it installed too, so don't forget about that. Who does that?? She knows my husband is in school...and I'm the only bread winner right now!! What's funny too is that she and my SIL only ever get my SO and I cheap gifts. Normally we don't really care, but they always seem to ask for expensive things. FOr christmas one year my MIL got me socks, and my SIL got my husband a bottle of shampoo. They all thought it was funny but they never gave us anything real. Some people.
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I am so angry, hive. Today I found out my FMIL suggested my FI buy a $150 gift for his younger brother for Christmas, and my FI agreed and did it without discussing it with me! Maybe $150 is nothing to some people, but we are really struggling right now and at this point in time it's a lot for us (it's 3x the amount we decided to spend on each gift in my family this year! All the gifts we're buying for them will total $100, since my fam picks names). This one present is more expensive than both the gifts we'll be buying for my family members!
It's not that I'm bitter that he spent more on his family, but seriously? $150? On a 15 yr-old? A 15 yr-old with parents who are probably better equipped to drop $150 on their kid than we are? I just think that's an inappropriate thing to ask your son to do, and a more inappropriate thing for HIM to do without at least talking to me about (especially since he knows money is tight.) She definitely knows we're not well-off enough to be throwing C-notes at any one person in the family. There's no precedent for it because in the past we've always bought his brother $30-50 items for Christmas, so I don't know why she would suddenly expect this huge gift. I feel like she really took advantage of FI's nature - it's hard for him to refuse family and he tends to want to give them everything, especially his little brother. I also feel like I want to shake FI until he sees sense.
And to make me even crankier, I had to cancel our anniversary dinner because we could no longer afford the night out. :(