- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hi Bees! I am hoping you can help me out.
My FI lost both of his parents rather dramatically a couple of years ago to cancer. He was very close with the both of them at the time of their deaths (only a few months apart). While we were dating, he would mention his parents from time to time, but he really kept it on the DL most of the time. Since we’ve become engaged, he’s been talking about them much more frequently. He says that it’s because he really wishes his parents were around to share these happy times with us. I understand intellectually, but have never lost a loved one personally, so I feel a little out of place as he talks about them.
One day, when he was feeling pretty upset about them, I suggested that we do some kind of memorial during our ceremony for them. Something like, when he arrives at the front, he can light a couple of engraved candles so that, in a way, they can be a part of the ceremony. He loved the idea.
Since then, though, he’s talked about us ‘walking over there’ some time during the ceremony, but when I asked ‘for what’, because it would be weird and awkward to meander over to the side table where the candles are and just stand around, he got all mumbley and stopped discussing. Another time, he mentioned having a period where everyone stops and says a prayer for them in the middle of the ceremony, or we have a moment of silence.
My problem is this, bees: I want to remember them during the ceremony in a subtle way, and he seems to think it should be a big to-do. It feels, to me, like he’s trying to make a big part of our admittedly short ceremony into a memorial service.
Weddings are supposed to be happy. Knowing what I know about his parents, I’m sure they wouldn’t want their son to shed a tear over them on his wedding day. Further, most of our guests would be from his family, and I think it would be insensitive to dwell on the loss of my FI’s parents around all those other people who will undoubtedly be thinking of his parents anyway.
Do any of you have any suggestions for how we might remember his parents in a meaningful way (for FI) without making a happy event into a somber event (for me)?