Post # 1
Has anyone else run into a jealous FMIL? She gets upset if he is on the phone with me. Claims he doesn’t spend time with her anymore. He moved home to be with her before he goes into the service. My idea! We put off getting legally married and living together as man and wife before he goes in so she could spend time with him. I will probably be married a year or more before I get to live with my husband because I was considering her feelings!! We talk maybe an hour a day! She doesn’t like the fact that we spend time talking about our future plans. It makes her feel left out of his life. I try to include her in the wedding plans but she doesn’t seem interested and I truly don’t want to get too close because she has trouble getting along with others and I need to have a civil relationship with this woman. Her issue seems to be that she will not be the focus of her son’s new life. I know it bothers her when he drives the four hours to see me. It seems his days off should be spent with her! He gets frustrated because he is constantly being bombarded by her and is at the point where he goes for a drive in order to have a private conversation with me. A closed door just invites eavesdropping which matters because she rants and raves about anything we talk about. Why would she care what book I want to order next? He spends four hours a day with her. Between work, working out, eating, sleeping there isn’t any more time left. He has given her all he can except our time which is what she seems to want. What is up with that???
Post # 3
I have one thing to say to you- be careful. Make SURE that your Fiance is going to put you first in his life, and that he wont get sucked in my his mom…She can be as crazy as she wants to be- but it is only going to be tolerable if you know your Fiance has your back in life and is aware that she can be excessive.
(also join us on the Jan2012 board!) 🙂
Post # 4
@Evie19:He does seem to realize that and I am hoping that us being stationed far away will help. He is just the type to avoid conflict but maybe it would be healthier if he brought it to a head?
Post # 5
@secondchances: It’s important for you and him to pick your battles- no need to go crazy with her over every little thing. But there should be a limit. And when she does something that is super out of line, he needs to discuss it with her. He doesnt need to shout or be mean- but he does need to be firm.
Avoiding conflict can lead to problems sometimes…
Post # 6
There are those kinds of Mothers out there, so best thing I think.. is Fiance should lay out how he feels about what’s been happening. Not mention much of you if at all. You both don’t want resentment to be fostered.
Second loosely quoted: “A man leaves* his parents to cleave to his wife.” That should be made clear.
Hope you and your Fiance find the answer for peace.
Post # 7
uuugggh…do we have the same FMIL? lol. My Future Mother-In-Law has attachment issues. If Fiance doesn’t call her every day, she will call and leave voice messages like, “just checking to make sure that you are alive…can’t you just call me to let me know you are alive??”. She also wants to control his life. We moved away for my work, and she acted like I put a gun to his head and made him come. She is also watching our dog for this year while we are gone. We are moving to within 2 hours of them in a month and we will finally have a yard again, so we can take the dog back. Apparently she has bonded with him and is now insisting on ‘joint custody’…of a dog…but expects us to do the driving every 2 weeks. I think that some MILS are just crazy. I just try to ignore mine. Good luck with yours
Post # 8
Your Fiance needs to man up and grow up. He can’t have a conversation without her eavesdropping? That is not acceptable behavior and he needs to let her know it.
She rants at him (an adult!) for driving to see his fiance? Not acceptable behavior and he needs to let her know it.
I don’t know if mother/son living together (before/after) the wedding is at all a good idea, but that’s your call.
There should be no arguing. There should be him living his life and informing her of any time she crosses the line.
Post # 9
At first I thought, ” not another Future Mother-In-Law thread”. But you have some right to be upset. There are some serious seperation anxiety here that your Future Mother-In-Law needs to deal with, and your fiance needs to have a grown up conversation with her!