Post # 1
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
My FI has had some crazy opinions so far in our engagement, but I’ve loved that he has them, and he’s tolerated my crazy ideas, so I feel like it’s going okay. Last night he told me that he feels like he doesn’t have a right to opinions, since it is more “My Day” than his. I was shocked! Where would he get that idea? Is mainstream wedding media telling him that because he’s a dude he doesn’t get to help out with the wedding? I told him it is OUR day, and that I want him to have opinions and hope he doesn’t hold back!
Has anyone else had a groom who felt like he didn’t have the right to care? How do you make sure he knows his opinions are valued and wanted?
Post # 3
Well to be honest my DH didn’t actually care about anything other than the food, which was fine with me. However, he did comment several times about it being “the bride’s day” or it was “my day” and that bothered me a bit.
Throughout the planning process I did all I could to reassure him that if he did have an opinion he was more than welcome to share it. I asked him constantly what he thought just in case.
Post # 4
It’s partly mainstream media/wedding culture, and also some local cultures have more that idea of “it’s the bride’s day,” “it’s all about the bride,” etc. Personally I find that poisonous, and I try to make a point of referring to “our” day and “our” wedding, and when people say something about “K
‘s wedding,” if I can do it gracefully I try to correct them: “It’s K
wedding. I’m really trying to stay as far away as possible from that bridezilla stereotype,” or something else along those lines.
Just keep consulting him on stuff and saying, “It’s your wedding, too.” Some of it he maybe genuinely doesn’t care, but this opens the door for him to weigh in on things that do matter to him.
Post # 5
He thinks it’s the bride’s day, too, and seemingly embraces it because it means I have to do most of the work and he doesn’t have to do hardly anything!