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that's tricky...but I say no, don't put it.
have you spoken with the family that cannot make it because of the death. If you have, you can verbally give your condolences...and I don't think you would have to mention it on the card.
I wouldn't bring it up. I don't think its necessarily bad to... but I just wouldn't.
Don't say anything! My husband and I were just talking about this last night!
I had a guest (a friend of my parents) whose mother died while he was at my wedding! I certainly didn't say "Hope you had a rocking time at the wedding!" But I didn't think "thanks for the cash and sorry about your mom" was appropriate either. Say thanks and that you were sorry that they couldn't be there. They are getting comments about their loss left and right. Focus on thanking them and give them the untarnished thanks they deserve. If you feel so inclined, send a separate sympathy card.
I think you should. If you know the reason why they couldn't attend your wedding was because of a death, then I think to not mention it is a little bit like avoiding the elephant in the room. I don't think you need to get specific but something along the lines of
"Dear So & So,
Thank you so much for the lovely _______. We will use it all the time! We love to entertain and it will definitely get some use at Thanksgiving this year. We are so sorry to hear about the death in your family. _______ and I will keep you in our thoughts. during this difficult time."
I wouldn't bring it up on your thank you note. I would write something like Thank you for your gift. It will go nicely in our kitchen or whatever ..the gift would be used for. I don't believe they would like to associate the wedding gift to their death in the family (even if you were trying to be nice)
If you want to express you condolences, send a separate card or a flower arrangement to their house. That way...it's a separate situation.
I'd say no. If you want to send condolences, do that separately. Approach this TY just like any other where someone sent a gift but couldn't attend the wedding.
I don't necessarily think its "tarnishing the thanks they deserve" to mention it. I just htink not mentioning it makes it seem like you are a little gift-focused, and not aware of the extenuating circumstances they may be dealing with.
To me "Thanks for the candlesticks, we missed you at the wedding!" seems crass given the situation. I think you should at least acknowledge that you understand why they weren't there.
I would send them a thank you note and send a separate condolence card. I would actually send the condolence card before I sent the thank you note letting them know that you are sorry for their lost.
I agree that if you want to address it then it needs to go on a seperate card. I might mention that they were missed, but that is as far as I would go.
Hmmm on second thought maybe i'd send the note saying Thank you so much for for taking the time out to send us the candlesticks during your time of loss. We really appreciate that you thought so much of us. M and I love them and have already used them during our first romantic dinner as newlyweds.
eta or do both, send them a separate card and then send them the thank you. i'm not sure how appropriate it is to send a thank you card not mentioning it at all... i am trying to think if i was the one with the loss would i like a thanks for the grill especially when i sent it at the time that i lost someone special. but i don't think it needs to be more than a quick pass through and another card with the condolences so i'd guess i'd do both.
Thanks for all the great advice! BTW, they sent us checks so that narrows down how much we can talk about the gift. We aren't using wedding money for a specific purpose, just general savings and eventually paying down the mortgage.
Daisy-- are you planning on sending a seperate card for condolences? My impression was that you didn't know them at all, so you were only planning on sending one card, and the question was, should you mention the death in the 1 card?
If you are planning on sending 2 cards, then I agree with the other posters, don't mention the death in the Thank You card.
But if you are only sending a thank-you note, then I would mention it there.
If it were me, I think I would not mention it in the Thank You, but I would send a separate card expressing my condolences.
We didn't send a condolence card and weren't planning to. It's been almost two months since the wedding so I think it's a bit late now. Also, we really don't know these people, they are business-friends of my in-laws so it didn't really feel right to send a condolence card.
I would send a condolence card separately - better late than never. If they were invited to your wedding, couldn't make it because of a death, but sent you a gift anyway, then you know them well enough to send condolences.
If you are really really against sending a separate condolence card, then you should make note of it in your thank-you card. I think the worst thing you could do would be to not mention it at all. I think texaslawgirl's example was a good one.
I am agreeing with those who say to send a seperate card. It's easy to do. And it keeps it all on the safe side. I'm not sure if mentioning the death would be teribly inappropriate. But if it was me, I would probably play it safe.
Personally, I wouldn't mention it but rather send a separate sympathy card. I agree with the hive.
I agree with several of the posters
I say definitely send a thank you and a separate sympathy card, I don't think putting them on one card would be appropriate
sort of like a happy birthday / merry christmas card for those with a birthday on Christmas.
Basically what the other bees said: I'd keep the wedding thank you's separate from someone's condolence card. I would thank them for the gift and write a message as you would to anyone else (even if they didn't attend). Then I would send a separate card offering your sympathies for their loss.
I would send a condolence card separately, but definitely send both. It would be weird not to acknowledge it at all, and polite to send your sympathies, but it shouldn't be in your wedding thank you card.
I said other because while I think it would be nice to offer your condolences I am not sure if your thank you card is the right place. I would send 2 cards. You had mentioned you do not know them well but they were a guest at your wedding and you are aware of their situation. I would just send two cards to be on the safe side.
I think that perhaps two cards would be a perfect situation for this. One Thank-You card and a separate sympathy card...
I agree with everyone to send separate cards, and make sure the condolences card is sent first. If you aren't going to send a sympathy card, however, I think it would be odd to not acknowledge their loss in your thank you note. But I think everyone has the right idea that to acknowledge it first, and separately, is probably the way to go. Just don't ignore it.
Separate cards! Don't 'consolidate'....
I agree with the PP who said to make a generic statement about missing their presence and then send a separate sympathy card (not on the same day though - it would be odd to receive two disparate cards on the same day!)
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My husband and I are having a bit of a disagreement on this so I thought I would consult the hive. A few of our guests couldn't make it to the wedding due to a death in their family, but they sent us a gift. We don't know these people very well, they are friends of his parents, I've never even met them.
Should we mention the death in our thank you cards? Is that appropriate? Is it rude not to offer some sort of "sorry for your loss" comment?