Post # 1
I got the first draft of our ceremony from the officiant today and it’s absolutely beautiful. Except, she wasn’t sure what to say to remember our family members who have passed, specifically my father and my fiances grandparents.
I’d like to say something, but I’m afraid of people thinking this is morbid or too sad for a wedding.
It would be something along the lines of,
At this time we’d like to take a moment to remember Mallory’s father, (name), and Brian’s grandparents (names), who are with us today in spirit.
This would be followed by the poem “i carry you in my heart” by e.e.cummings. I don’t intend this poem to be related to the memoriam, I just think it’s a sweet poem, but I’m thinking people will interpret it as being part of the remembrance and thus extending the “sad” part of the ceremony.
What do you guys think? Is this too much of a downer? Should I just have a sign and/or candles at the reception instead?
PS- We won’t be having ceremony programs, so have something on there is not an option.
Post # 3
My dad died when I was young and my husbands best friend died a couple of years back so we included a moment for those who couldn’t be with us. I don’t think it’s morbid.
How I see it is everyone you are inviting to your wedding should know about your dad and his grandparents so it won’t be weird for them. They will probably think it’s sweet. Just don’t make it some long drawn out thing.
Post # 4
I think it’s important to acknowledge close family who have passed. Yes it’s sad, but those individuals were a part of your life and everyone understands how important it is for them to be celebrated on your wedding day, too. After the moment of silence, I’d just introduce the poem and say something very sweet about its importance to the both of you.
[moment of silence ends]
“Thank you. We will now enjoy a reading of the poem “i carry you in my heart” by e.e. cummings. This poem captures the love the couple shares and reverence for their marital bond.”
Post # 5
my FI and I both lost of our fathers. we are mentioning them in the ceremony program but not verbally mentioning them.
Post # 6
We mentioned our grandparents and one of my uncles I was very close with in our ceremony. It was a nice touch. I wouldn’t do the poem just for length’s sake and the idea that mentioning them is enough and a poem seems to take the focus away from a happy occasion.
Post # 7
I think it would be beautiful and very touching. My only concern is whether or not you can hold it together? I know for a fact that something like that, read for my grandpa, would make me bawl. If you think you can do it witout ugly crying, I really think you should go ahead with your plans – because it’s a lovely and very sweet (and obviosly, very important) thing to do.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
I am not verbally mentioning my mother during the ceremony (too recent, I would cry too hard), but I am having an empty seat for her and her photograph and urn. As I walk down the aisle, I’m taking a rose from my bouquet and placing it on her chair.
At the reception we will be having a memorial table – photographs of family members we knew who have passed, and a poem in a photo frame along with the list of names. People can view it if they wish, but we’re not making it a scheduled part of the day.
Post # 9
We mentioned our passed loved ones in our program along with a poem. The officiant also mentioned their names during the ceremony.
i dont think it was morbid. I was thinking of them all day and I know many of my family members were as well.
Post # 10
I would do it. I plan on mentioning my mother who passed away two years ago from cancer at the age of 43, my grandfather, and FI’s three grandparents. Ourselves and our family are all strong, so we will be able to hold it together too. I don’t have my mother with me to plan, support, and be there in flesh and blood on my wedding day.. and it would mean the world to be able to mention her and our grandparents.
Post # 11
I’ve more commonly seen this done at the reception during the speeches by the host and/ or the couple. It’s a matter of personal preference, of course.