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About two months before we got married, we bared it all to each other, so to speak. We each did a spreadsheet of the current status of our accounts - balances owed, interest rates, how much we pay on them each month, and our incomes, as well. In the end, I do all the finances (but with transparency - I e-mail him a lot with details about it and we both have the log ins for all of our accounts, loans, credit cards, bank accounts, etc.), and we each get free money each month that neither of us has to account for.
We certainly aren't perfect about it - but we're getting there, and baring it all from the beginning I think made us both feel a little better about it all. No judgement or anything, just "here you go."
Yeah, the barring it all before marriage is certainly a good idea even if it makes you uncomfortable. After that, you need to come up with a plan of attack on your monthly finances that you are both okay with. Do you both have similar ideas on money (i.e. with regards to credit and what money should be used for)? That's something that certainly needs to be addressed. Otherwise, it will lead to fights plain and simple.
It wasn't too hard for us to merge our finances, but that's because we've always had an open door policy on each other's money situation. When we were just dating, I always told him how much I was taking out in student loans and so on. It just makes life and whole lot easier.
We aren't even officially engaged yet and have already begun the financial merger, so to speak. We each filled out a monthly budget which we then shared and discussed. We also reviewed our debt (mostly mine, no thanks to school loans) and each ordered a free credit report.
Based on all of this, he takes care of most of the day to day expenses for both of us-- eating out, entertainment, and occasionally he puts gas in my car. I am putting more of my extra money towards paying off debt.
It's not easy to be this open and honest with someone out money and expenses, but it's important and I believe this is going to make it much easier for us to combine finances when the time comes.
That aspect has never been hard for us. We've been honest about it from the beginning, and after we're married, we'll be keeping our own personal accounts, but opening one joint account for bills and travel money. It was important to both of us to have financial independence, but also, be contributing to bills and stuff together. For example, there's really no need for him to know about every shoe puchase I make :) And I'm sure he doesn't want me knowing how much he spends on video games sometimes :) But generally speaking, we're always pretty honest about thing, and if one of us is having a tough go for a month, the other covers, and vice versa.
Although, I can see how it can get difficult for couples who don't discuss these things before marriage. We were lucky that we both have the same outlook on finances, but not everyone does. Just be open about everything, and decide together the best way to do things for you.
I'm on Mint.com to track my spending more rigorously but Mr.D can't b/c he doesn't have an American account. I think at first we will combine everything to develop co-spending habits and be completely open with each other. Then once we feel comfortable we might create seperate single accounts. It's pretty frustrating though that we can't merge until Mr.D gets a SSN... le sigh.
Ever since we started dating, we merged our finances.... my friends thought I was crazy for doing that and that we should keep our finances apart.... but when Mr.F lost his job and went back to school... I was glad we had gone through the first couple of months... (tough)
Now I dont see us doing it any other way. We both have spending money and cant complain what the other person buys if they respect the amount.
I like it this way....
When I moved in with MrT, we just figured out how much money we needed each month for groceries, gas, outings, bills, etc, and we each put an equal amount into a joint account each time we get paid. This way we can just pay for everything out of that account when it's for both of us, but we still have "our own" money set aside to spend on clothes, our own debts/bills, and other extras. But overall we try our best to keep everything split down the middle, regardless of who makes more money.
Thanks for sharing everyone! It's nice to hear that none of you have had any problems combining your finances. We currently live together so we are very familiar with the other's spending habits. We are already sharing bills, car payments and day to day spending but we do not have a joint bank account yet. I thought it was interesting that Feedthepig.org recommended to not share credit cards or to add your spouse's name to your credit card since both people will become responsible for the credit card debt. It recommends making them an authorized user instead. Does anyone have a joint credit card account?
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I've heard that one of the biggest issues after getting married is merging finances. Has anyone found this to be true and what did you do to work it out? There are some good articles online with tips and I took a couples quiz on feedthepig.org to determine our financial compatibility - it said we are on our way to a stable financial future. I sure hope so!