- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So my FI is an Uncle to a large family, and the eldest nephew (EN) is 25. EN and his girlfriend GF even lived with my FI for 2 years before I met my FI. All up, EN and GF dated/ were partnered for 6 years. In the past 18 months, GF moved to a town 100 miles away for work but they maintained the long distance relationship.
When I came on the scene , FI and I started dating and got engaged within 8 months, which bought a lot of joy to FI’s family as FI was the 45 yr old bachelor uncle and with me at 37 yrs old, both of us knew our minds pretty quickly. However, it did put EN and GF’s six years of dating and static r’ship into a bit of focus.
Even though they were the younger generation it showed how quickly things can move when a man makes his mind up and it was a bit awkward, especially since FI make EN his groomsman and all anyone could talk about was how EN should pull his finger out and make a decision to go forward or end his own r’ship after 6 years.
To make matters more complicated, GF aborted EN’s child a few years ago whilst they were living with my FI, despite the offers of support from both my FI and EN (EN offered r’ship and support but did not propose). I must have been difficult all of them and it also seemed to bind EN and GF together in this terrible secret of guilt and grief as they never went to any counselling that FI knew of since he was living in the middle of it.
So, the GF finally got fed up with waiting. She bought a house off the plan in her town and when EN informed her that he couldn’t commit to join her financially or move permanently to her town to be with her she has broken up with him and melted down. However, my FI’s extended family lives in that town and she has become so fully emeshed with them over the years that SINCE the breakup she has moved in with FI’s brother (EN’s other uncle) whilst her house is being built (which will take months) and is sending EN (our groomsman) abusive text messages about how he has wasted her life etc.
This puts everyone in my FI’s family in a really difficult position as My FI and I are going to this town to have wedding rings made. We now have to stay elsewhere as there is now not enough room for us to stay with his brother. But we are going to visit his brother and family for a meal and I now feel I can hand-deliver their wedding invitation as I am sure she will confront us as to whether she is still invited to the wedding or cause some sort of scene about EN and the wedding.
I feel sorry for her that her relationship did not work out and as I write this that I will take the invite and if FI and I don’t have an opportunity to hand-deliver it peacefully we won’t. It’s just a difficult situation as now my FI’s brother can’t even offer hospitality to FIL and MIL and other members of the family as they are “supporting” the vindictive ex-girfriend whilst she is knifing our groomsman/EN in the back.
I guarantee, when I next see her, she will ask me point-blank if she is still invited to the wedding, I think she loves my FI’s family so much (who are wonderful and good) she is not ready to accept it’s over and can’t let go. What should I say?