Post # 1
What do I do? I have my sister (MOH) and my BM. My BM doesnt want to help with anything. I havent even talked to her in over a month. She never talks to me. I had to literally BEG her to go to lunch with my sister and I last month to discuss wedding stuff. Now my sister is frustrated because she was supposed to help plan my shower and she won’t answer my sisters emails. I am at the point where I dont even want her in my party. I wouldn’t kick her out given she has already bought her dress but I am so frustrated. I honestly don’t even want her there. She is not going through anything so there is really no excuse for her to be acting like this 🙁 She is just a very flaky/lazy person unfortunately and I had wanted her to be in my bridal party so badly but now I wish I never asked her. I would like to send her a message addressing my concerns but am not quite sure what to say. Can you help me?
Post # 3
@Tswife4ever: Oh that’s terrible. I actually had drama with my MOH. I literally had to demote her. But I am also having more than to BM’s so there are ample people to pick up the slack.
I hate this for you, I really do. Especially since your sister feels so alone in the planning of things, and that you are having to BEG your “friend” to even have a lunch with you. She doesn’t sound very relieable, IMO. And what about her showing up for all the big things she needs to take part in?
I would try to make contact with her, tell her that you need to speak with her immediately and that it is very important that she get back to you ASAP. Try to sit her down, let her know how you and sister are feeling about her lack of enthusiasm, or even thought about being a BM. T ell her you aren’t expecting her to drop her life for your wedding, but just being there occasionally would be nice. And tell her how much your feelings have been hurt. See if you can work things out. If all else fails, ask her to step down. Sell the dress, or ask another friend to be in your wedding and take her dress.
If she doesn’t respond to you repeatedly trying to get together with her. Send her an email. You have to converse with her somehow…. she’s being totally disrespectful.
Post # 4
@Mrs.tobe: My only concern is the wedding is in 6 weeks. But I love what you said and will definately contact her
Post # 5
@Tswife4ever: Wow, I didn’t realize how close! I hope she gets back to you. You deserve that much as a friend. Period.
So sorry again.
Hugs to you!
Post # 7
Does anyone else have good advice on what to write her as well. I would like to send it to her today.
Post # 9
Alright, you may not want to hear this but perhaps your expectations of her are too high. Many people think the only obligation is to buy the dress and show up at the rehearsal/wedding.
Did she offer to help plan a shower? Or did your MOH ask her to help plan the shower? There’s a big difference. If she told your sister she’s help plan and backed out then that’s very inconsiderate. If your sister expected her to help plan the shower without giving the BM A choice then I think your sister is in the wrong.
No one is going to be as excited about your big day as you are. It can be tedious and somewhat annoying to constantly have to discuss the wedding. I think a lot brides dont’ realize how suddenly all they do is talk wedding and your friends may not necessarily want to have their entire friendship revolve around your planning process. Have you hung out with your BM and not done wedding related stuff?
Before I give you any real advice I’d really like to know if she 1. offered to do all sorts of things and then backed out or 2. she’s just not enthusiastic or offering to help in the first place!
Be careful judging what’s going on with her. If you haven’t talked to her in a month how do you know what’s going on in her life?
I’m just very curious because what you can/should say to her depends on how she’s been acting all along, not just this most recent MIA.
Did she buy the dress on time? Did she help pick it? Did you ask her to help pick it?
Post # 10
@MissTurtle27: She told my sister she wanted to help and shed bring food etc but then started ignoring my sisters emails. She picked out the dress with us but then paid for it 3 weeks after she was supposed to so now her dress comes in 1 week before my wedding. I understand that no one is goign to be as excited about my wedding as me but it’s the fact that she acts excited then just disappears. It just totally sucks. I have hung out with her alot without discussing anything about the wedding but lately she hasn’t talked to me. Even after me writing her first. My sister has been trying to get a hold of her for the past 3.5 weeks to discuss food options and she refuses to answer. It is at the point of being ridiculous.
Post # 11
@Tswife4ever: I’m sorry to hear that she backed out. Thanks for answering my questions, its just that many ladies post on the bee about being disappointed that their BM’s aren’t excited in general. In my opinion how you deal is very different so I think its important to figure out it she never got excited vs. backed out after being excited to help!
I’m not sure what you can do other than give her a call yourself and say “what’s up? My sister has been trying to reach you and you seem MIA. Is there anything wrong?”
Give her the benefit of the doubt and make sure something hasn’t come up in her life. There’s always the chance something did happen and she doesn’t want to burden you with it so close to the wedding. If she says nothing is new/wrong then tell her that you’re disappointed that she seemed so eager to help and then has backed off with no real explanation.
If she’s been a friend for a long time I hope that it can be resolved with a pleasant coversation… just try not to be too confrontational at first or it won’t get anywhere.
It seems like you’ve been an easy to deal with bride. Its really strange that she’s just dropped off the planet. Definitely call her and see what’s up. I’ll keep my fingers crossed there’s a good reason and that she didn’t just up and decide to stop being your friend! It definitely sucks and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
But, I would definitely call her before you write her. Words can be misinterpretted. If she doesn’t return your call after a few days THEN write her!
Post # 12
same dilemma with one of my bm. she is the only one that hasn’t helped out in any way. she is a flake!! and it’s annoyed me so much. i wouldn’t even care if she doesn’t show up for the wedding at this point.
i’ve come to the conclussion that if i were to have this wedding again… i would only have a MOH. BM are so much drama.