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@UnionFlare: somewhat, but my older brother didn't really get anything different from me, but our younger sister got a lot handed to her that we never did. Currently, I am the only one who lives on my own and is married. So I'm not really sure how visitation would go or anything like that. I don't talk to our parents as much as they do, but that's because I don't live with them.
Definitely right here. My only saving grace was that I was the only girl. But on certain days, that also makes it worse. My mom constantly relies on me to be the one to help her with everything, but treats me like total crap constantly. It really is a shame, but both of my brothers are like golden children to her.
My family is somewhat the opposite. I'm the oldest and I ended up being the trailblazer, the one everyone expected to be self sufficient and pull myself up by my bootstraps. I bought my own car, paid for school while working, you know the drill. My sister, the older of the two middle children was given my dad's luxury car when she turned 16, my parents paid for her to go to school, etc. She didn't do as well in school as I did and I think my parents knew that I could handle it myself but worried about my sister's sucess.
My brothers, one the younger middle child, the other the youngest have it even easier than she did, so I'm not sure if that holds true for us.
I'm a middle child (all girls!) and I did feel it growing up. Never really got new clothes or things like that. My older sister is pretty spoilt and it shows, and now my parents are regretting it. My little sister was definitly treated like the baby growing up and got her way. But now shes doing well on her own, even though my parents are helping her alot too. I moved very far away with my bf (now my FI) and have done everything on my own. I just wanted too/needed too. Now I'm the first in the family to get married. My parents are telling me they are definitly going to help out (but im not sure how much) so its hard to compare with the weddings. But I'm sure when one of them gets engaged its going to be huge!!
Aw, that kinda really sucks. :( Now I'm thinking it might be wise to set some money aside for the later siblings.
Once I have a job...
I always Liked being the middle as I'm naturally more introverted and very non-fussy. I love my family but I'd rather have my mom gush about my bro or sis more so than more (or visit me too often).
My FI is a middle child of four and as the "other" middle child is the only girl she get preferential treatment regardless. I definitely see the difference in the way his other siblings are treated and sometimes it bothers me. I have mentioned it to him a few times and he doesn't seem to care so I don't make an issue out of it.
The only time I did really push the issue is recently. I found out last month that his parents gave his older brother and SIL a significant amount of money for their wedding and was a bit annoyed they weren't doing the same for us. He discussed the option with his parents (not bringing up their previous gift to his sibling) and they in the end agreed to help a small bit...but they are not giving us the same amount. Oh well.
I have middle child syndrome, and I feel for him. I was ignored because I was in the middle and also because I had two very disturbed siblings. My oldest brother got attention because of his drug problems. My younger sister got attention because she was a star athlete growing up, but also had mental health issues.
Man, being in the middle sucks!
I think my parents spoiled us all equally. I'm the middle child but I've never felt like it. I never really thought about it but I guess I'm very lucky I never experience that! My parents helped to make my wedding amazing and I feel like they would do the same for my siblings. Sucks for your friend :(
While I am actually the oldest, I always got the short end of the stick growing up. My sisters are much more vocal than I am and would fight for what they wanted while I am more quiet and easy going so my parents learned that they could get away with it. My one sister especially is really high maintenance and was an absolute terror in her teenage years and still has issues now. She would scream horrible things at me, throw things at me, steal my stuff ectect and my parents never did anything about it because I wasn't making enough of a fuss and they knew my sister would if they tried to discipline her.
I'm a middle child - I have 2 older sisters and 2 younger brothers. I've been lucky in the fact i've never felt the middle child sydrome before though i think my mother had favorites at times. I think I dont fall into that category because my oldest sister is 10 years older than me, my other sister is 6 years old than me and mentally challanged then my mom had me and my brothers back to back. By the time i was 8 my oldest sister had already moved out so much of my life was spent with 4 children at home leaving no middle child haha. Knowing my mother she would never put us in this situation. we would all be treated equally. i highly doubt they would help financially with my brothers wedding but would do the "traditional" role of hosting the rehearsal and other things the grooms parents do.
my husband is one of 13 children and his father said when it comes to weddings all his girls will get 10k to do what they please. if they want to elope and keep the cash so be it, if they want to spend more than 10k they can cover the extras. i thought that was really generous and a great way to do it. He has 7 sisters.
It is definitely there. I'm a middle child and i've tended to only ever date middle children (weird i know). We're treated differently.
I have 2 older siblings and a younger one. The oldest and the youngest are rather spoiled though they dont think so at all. They are more alike than they care to admit. The youngest especially is spoiled rotten to the core. My other sibling and i were of course given whatever we asked for, however we both saw the value in earning things ourselves so we have both maintained jobs and became self sufficient where the others did not. This probably had to do with the fact that we were ignored a bit more by being middle children.
The same with my SO. His older sister is the only girl and adored by his parents. She is the shining student and cant do wrong (though they dont care for her spouse). The younger brother is the baby, gets everything he wants and is always celebrated. Though he is a brat and his letting his gf control him beyond belief. HE's confessed to ME he's not happy but his family tends to ignore this. His GF wanted nothing to do with the family for the first 2 years and woudl text while we were in the middle of conversations, yet she is just the best in their eyes! ANd my SO, has done everything right, got a career and a house right away before anyone else, settled down with me, and yet they barely notice him in my opinion. Whenever we are all together i feel like he gets the short end of the stick. They dont visit us nearly as much as the others.
@Ashley_B: I am the middle child of all girls too!
I think in our family it is the opposite tho. After my parents had my youngest sister and knew they would just have 3 they researched middle child syndrome and made sure I didn't get it!
My parents have always treated us 3 girls exactly the same, what one gets the others get. My sisters joke that my parents overcompensated with me and that I ended up being the favourite but I disagree.
DH thinks my sisters are grabbier than me, they are always asking for stuff and get it about half the time whereas I never ask so sometimes mum will buy us nice stuff as she has spent money on the others, we always protest that we don't want it but she is extremely fair in what she gives one child she gives the others!
I'm the middle child. I have an older sister and a younger sister and I'll tell ya, middle child syndrome is no joke. Especially when you have children of the same sex. I actually did a paper on it in my psychology class my freshman year of college.
Middle children are used to getting the shortest stick so they are really adament that everything be as fair as it possibly could be. And when it is not fair, they tend to get hurt. Even if the middle chil isn't in reality being shorted anything, it still feels that way because they do not belive it is fair.
My older sister got to go to the expensive college of her choice in which my parents paid for half. She's 4 years older than me so when she graduated college, I was getting ready to head in. I picked a local university so I could commute the 45 minutes up to school because my parents couldn't afford to pay my half.
She got a car that was only 2 years old. Mine was 6 years old. My younger sisters was only 2 years old as well. This might hvae just been what we could find at the time, don't know. I was 16 and needed some wheels so I didn't really care.
I was always the one getting yelled at, too. For everything. My little sister decided to cut her hair off (she has gorgeous red hair the goes down to her waist) and dye it black when we were in high school (only a year and a half apart) and somehow, it was my fault.To this day my mother stills blames me.
I could go on and on. I don't know what it is about the middle child, though. But we all seem to have similar personalities. Both of my parents are middle children, my FI is the middle chld as well. And my favorite cousin who s JUST like me but a 16 year old boy is the middle child of 3. Again, I don't know how much of it is really us being shafted or we just seem to notice all of the things that aren't fair and desperatly want them to be so.
I feel like I could have written the OP. My boyfriend is a middle child. Sweet as can be, is always told by his siblings that he is their parent's favorite but always manages to get the short end of the stick. I think I agree with what someone else said: That the Middle Child tends to stay quiet about it so the parents think they can get away with more. I know that's a very cynical way to look at it but be honest, it's easier to get away with things when nobody speaks up.
He explained to me (an only child) that he does have the syndrome and he feels like he is always paying attention to any type of difference in treatment or favoritism. He says he feels as if he's in a permanant state of feeling jaded. He's positive and in a good mood - his parents are really lovely people and they do love him but he clearly gets the short end.....constantly.
There are lots of articles about middle child syndrome and though no parent will admit it...parents do have favorites. This I believe. I think that's natural too...but as a parent you should be making a solid effort to make sure everyone gets an even slice of pizza!
I've also read an article that says the worst kind of middle child is when the MC shares the same sex as the older one and the youngest is opposite:
So - Older boy, middle child boy, youngest girl OR older girl, middle girl, youngest boy. That's the situation my boyfriend is in...and he agrees!
@nzgirl: My mother actually did over-compensate, with the result now being that my sister (middle child) is having trouble now that she is an adult and has to manage life and consequences on her own.
My brother (youngest) and I (oldest) learned to make our own way, and we're both more mature and capable because we had to figure it out as we went.
I'm #4 out of 5 girls, and while I often felt left out or underappreciated as a kid, I've come to realize how being a middle child has really benefited me as an adult. I always had to work for everything I've ever gotten, and I'm the most successful and most secure of all my sisters. Sure, I sometimes still get bit by the jealousy bug now and then, but I wouldn't trade anything to be where my sisters are (in varying levels of dependence on my parents). I think it feels unfair, sometimes, but I always almost come back to the fact that I benefited from being a middle child, and I wouldn't exchange my independence, freedom, success, hard work, etc... for what my sisters have now.
@Mrs. Spring: THIS!!!
I feel the exact same way. I'm glad I was able to fend for myself. I don't rely on my parents nearly as much as my sisters do and I am so thnakful for that. In my teens I made a huge deal out of every slight but now I am more than happy with how all of those "slights" turned me into the woman I am today.
I think no matter where you are in the line up there are pros and cons. I was the oldest, and when I was 17 and my brother was 13, we had the same curfew as an example. My sister blames being the middle child on every failure in her life.. when really.. we had a great upbringing and she got the exact same things/treatment as all of us. It drives me insane!!
That's is really unfair to him, and it sounds like his parents play favorites. I wish parents would see how damaging it is to their children, even when they are grown up.
I have youngest child syndrome. My parents expected me to pay for more, do best in school, and just in general more from me. My Dad, and Step Mom helped pay for my brother's (the middle child) college, but haven't given me a dime for mine. My oldest brother has a wife, and kids which all get TONS of preferential treatment from them. One year I got a box of chocolates for Christmas, and they spent hundreds on everyone else. They even spent more on FI that year.
What makes it even worse is my Step-Mother always gives her kids tons of preferential treatment over my brother's, and I. Her son pretty much got life handed to him on a silver platter, but it's also why he is very very immature. She has a daughter as well who gets like 50 "birthday presents". It is really just an excuse to buy her a ton of stuff, and they always say it's for her brithday.
I'm a middle child. I definitely felt the squeeze growing up, but honestly, things have evened out for us now, and probably more in my favor. Plus, it really helped me to learn how to fend for myself so I don't complain. It completely sucks for your friend to have been overlooked like that though. While I know I shouldn't expect money, I know I would feel miffed if that happened to me.
That sucks. : ( I am so sad for him. Not because his mom can't pay for his wedding, but because that just strikes me as SO unfair.
One reason why FH and I will have max one child. : p
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My good friend is a middle child and most middle children are known for kind of getting the S end of the stick, so to speak. He has an older brother (2 years older) and a younger sister (4 years younger). He had the classic middle child upbringing - they both got cars when they were 16 - he didn't. They got to go to really expensive schools of their choice - he didn't (and he was a much better student than both of them). Now comes the wedding.
His mother dropped a ton of money on his older brother's wedding - rehersal dinner, bar tab and travel ended up being over 18K. I know - a lot. She can't say no to anybody (except her middle child). Now his little sister is getting married and about 10-12K is being spent. My friend just got engaged and she said she can't help him out with anything. He didn't ask for money and isn't counting on it and understands it's totally rude to expect it or ask for it. She says she's sorry and feels bad but she's already spent too much on his brother and sister. Ummmm - what?
He is very sweet - even thought of as "the favorite" by his siblings but it sure doesn't seem like it. They're always going off to visit their other son or daughter, never visit him - barely call him yet speak to everyone else all the time. What is going on?
I always thought middle child syndrome was just some stupid excuse but now I see....no wonder it messes people up. Anybody fallen to Middle Child crisis?