(Closed) Miffed at a friend

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I know it hurts,  but give her the benefit of the doubt. We never really know anyone’s financial situation other than our own. Suck it up and let her know how much she will be missed.

Post # 4
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmmmm, tough call.  I’d be really upset too, I think you have a right to be upset.  But, before I go on- could there be some validity to what she’s saying, could they somehow really have fallen on hard times?  If that were the case, she should have ellaborated, I’m sure you’d be more understanding.  Either way, throughout this wedding planning process, I’ve learned that if you expect every friend to reciprocate what you’ve done for them, you’ll end up disappointed regularly.  At least that’s been my experience.  And I’m having a hard time getting past it.  The friendships that I’m speaking of are basically superficial now, like I haven’t deleted them from Facebook, and I’d go out to a function if they’re there, but it can never be the same.  Crappy stuff….

Post # 5
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Maybe she WAS really excited about it all along and wasn’t thinking about the cost until now and she realized WOW that’s a lot of $ that I don’t have and time to take off work that I can’t take off.

 Yes you spent a lot at & for her wedding but you might make more than her/ have less bills then her. And about the gifts why is it all about she didn’t even send a gift I didn’t know sending gifts = being a good friend.

Post # 7
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think your response was good, and I am sorry that you are going through this.  I’m sure it is frustrating/disappointing. 

Post # 9
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Ouch…if I was so pissed, I would send her an itemized list of what you paid to attend her wedding.

But alas, we must be civil.

Post # 11
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I do think since she visited previously and she’s known about your wedding date for awhile, she should have budgeted.  I guess the thing with certain friends is, they don’t reciprocate the same way…sometimes there’s a giver and a receiver. 

Post # 13
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Obviously she doesn’t feel it’s important enough to come to your wedding so I think that maybe you two are not as close as you once were.

Five years can change a lot of things. Maybe her her husband accrued a lot of debt or there are other problems she hasn’t told you about.

I think I’d just accept her decline and move on – let her contact you if she wishes to keep in touch. A real friend would be there and happy to celebrate with you.

Post # 14
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

You know, I was going to start with giving her the benefit of the doubt b/c no one knows anyone else’s financial situation too, but the more I read your posts, the more this friend just sounds like a cop out. I liked your response to her…very dignified. I would just sort of phase her out of my life at this point. It’s evident that she doesn’t care enough to make your day as special as you made hers, and it sounds like she’s just not a friend any longer. I wouldn’t cut her off completely, but slowly phasing her out wouldn’t be a terrible thing. I think friends need to be there for each other, and it doesn’t sound like she’s making any of the effort.

Post # 15
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Financial situations and priorities change.  I wouldn’t expect someone to spend x amount of dollars on me just b/c I spent x amount of dollars on them… but I guess I am in the minority on that.  But if you think that she is doing this as a cop-out that is another thing.  Like others have said, maybe you weren’t as close as you thought you were… I’d wait for her to contact you, but don’t let this dampen your day!

Post # 16
179 posts
Blushing bee

In this situation, I don’t think you can fault her for telling you that she can’t afford to go to your wedding. You shouldn’t hold it against your guests if they can’t make it for financial reasons. You can’t make assumptions on their finances.

I myself an going through some drama b/c I had to back out of a Destination Wedding that I just couldn’t afford. The bride to be is totally pissed at me. Her family is ganging up against me and being rude to me b/c I can’t make it. Despite all of the drama I know I’m not a bad person b/c I couldn’t pay $1700 for a weekend… the bride isn’t even a good friend of mine.

She probably knew that she couldn’t make it to your wedding in advance. It would have been nice if she could at least go to your bridal shower. If I were in her situation I would have tried to do that, knowing I couldn’t go to the wedding. There’s nothing you can do but move on. And if this is bothering you just tell her that you’re sad that she can’t make it to any of your wedding events and that her presence will be missed.

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