MIL aggressively pushing church

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

absolutely_tati:  My FMIL is very similar to your MIL. We literally cannot have a conversation with her without her bringing up Christianity, the service(s) she just attended, etc. My FI has had to tell her explicitly that if she continues to shove religion down our throat, she won’t see us anymore. That’s like her worst nightmare so she’s become a lot less aggressive about it – but obviously still talks about it, just not as much and not as much “you’re going to hell” BS.

I think your husband needs to set his mother straight about her attitude towards you (and him) in regards to religion. You are adults and she needs to treat you as such. 

Post # 3
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper

absolutely_tati:  I think you and your FI need to sit her down and explain that what she is doing is having the opposite effect of what she is trying to accomplish. I am sure that she is doing this out of a place of love, but she can’t strong arm either of you into having the same convictions. 

As a Christian, I am kind of offended by her claim that God won’t show up anywhere but her church. You might want to point out that God was with the Israelites wandering in the desert sans church, since the bible is her reference point. God is anywhere he wants to be, and it isn’t fair to put him in a box and “pull him out” only when you are in the building of your choosing.

Post # 4
Member
3632 posts
Sugar bee

I haven’t been inside a church, except for weddings and funerals, in almost 4 years. People know not to push my buttons about it. I was raised by a mother who taught me that one doesn’t discuss religion, politics, or sports with people – it can only lead to arguements.

You and your husband are going to have to discuss this and he’ll end up having to talk to her. This will drive a wedge between the two/three of you, if you don’t. She’s overstepping her boundaries, again and again, to the point of being manipulative. If it’s not relgion, next time it will be something else. (And just wait until the grandchildren arrive). 

I wrote my MIL out of my life 7 years ago, after 30 years of marriage. I have caller ID, so I don’t answer the phone, the few times she’s called, and she doesn’t know my cell number;  when she e-mails me I either ignore it, or forward it to my husband to deal with.  

Post # 5
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

She sounds like my mother.  I’m actually Christian but was raised Catholic.  This is going to sound horrible – but I got my mother off my back years ago by telling her I have philosophical disagreements with Catholicism, then proceeded to name some things which are “technical” church stances that no one really follows anymore.

Do I really care that much?  No.  I just don’t like the preist that has been there for almost all my life and would just rather go to other churches after hearing him say a few very inflammatory things about rape victims.  The rest of my family knows I don’t really feel that strongly on the issue of the Catholic religion and chalk it up to him… But she hasn’t brought it up in more than passing since and that was almost 13 years ago.

Post # 6
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My parents are the same way. Whenever we visit, they always try to push us into going with them, and then guilt us when we don’t.  They also tell us that we need to find a church to go to on our own. Thing is, we are not religious. We don’t like church, don’t plan on raising our kids in a church and want very little to do with churches. We are not against churches, they are just not for us. We just ignore the pressure, as we both want to live our lives in a particular way that we agree upon, so others opinions are pointless to us.

Post # 10
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

absolutely_tati:  Don’t return her call and offer any other explanation, you told her you didn’t want to go and that should be the end of it. If she continues to contact you about it, your husband should tell her to stop and respect your choices as adults.

Post # 11
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

absolutely_tati:  oh, no. There is no “stuck in the middle” for your husband. He has taken vows to put you first. Leave and cleave, baby. Leave and cleave.

Post # 12
Member
1914 posts
Buzzing bee

absolutely_tati:  Since it sounds like you have the backing of your husband, I would try a rather severe approach with this woman.  If you are visiting her in person, when she brings this up, you respond once, and then you inform her that if she brings it up again, you will leave.  And then when she does, you leave.  When you are on the phone with her do the same thing (except hang up).  This will be most effective if your husband will also agree to leave with you or agree to stop a phone call with his mother if she will not stop bringing this up.

Her disrespect of your conscientious consideration on this matter, in my opinion, justifies this sort of severe response, even though she is family.  However, I acknowledge that others might think this approach is too severe, and if anyone has methods for modifying this sort of approach, maybe that would be better?

Post # 13
Member
5207 posts
Bee Keeper

absolutely_tati:  Well, if you guys need to set boundaries, then that is what you do. Honestly, as a Christian myself, I don’t understand why she is doing this. I can see the occasional invite just to let you guys know you are always welcome, but no where in the bible does it say to annoy people to the point of alienating them. Honestly, this is probably more of a reflection of the type of church she goes to than anthything else. 

If you guys start to limit your interactions with her, maybe she’ll tone down the proselytizing. 

Post # 15
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

absolutely_tati:  

Wow. Your MIL is completely rude and inappropriate! She is trying to drive a wedge between you and your husband because you aren’t the “good churchgoing girl” she wanted for him. Your MIL is clearly the controlling and codependent type of MIL who cannot let go of her son. 

Your hubby needs to stand up to his mother and set some boundaries. I can’t stand people who try to force their religions on others.

One of my cousins is a staunch Christian and we will never visit his home for dinner again. He just rambles on and on about the Bible while ordering around his wife. I love my cousin but I find his preaching to be a bit much. 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  amiona.
Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors