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My MIL and I have always had a rocky relationship, and she made it quite obvious that I was not the perfect match for her son. I was never invited to family events until recently, and she would always tell my fiance that he needed to explore the dating scene a little more. Although I've had my ranting sessions to my sisters, I have always been nice and calm towards her. Fast forward to this weekend. My fiance and I went to visit his family, and I asked if she had been looking for a dress. It is two months away, so I thought it was a legit question. She said she just recently bought one, and my fiance asked to see it. When she brought it out for us to see, she uncovered a WHITE LONG dress with SEQUENCE! I told her it was a pretty dress, but I did not know how to respond. I feel like we are living the Monster-in-Law movie! It does bother me that our dresses look so similar. Do I tell her? Just let it go? What do I do?
I would have your fiance talk to her I think (I would be upset, too, by the way, good luck!)
That is just a big no no... chances are, she probably knows this. I think everyone just knows that is not a good idea for a wedding. I'd have your FI talk to her too since it sounds like you are not confrontational... but make it clear to him that he needs to express what a big deal it is and that it won't only be you, but your guests will also be wondering what in the world she is thinking.
Wow. You must have more self control than I do, cause I would have blown up if my FMIL pulled something like that. Good for you for keeping your cool, but you should def have the FI talk to her about that. I'm sure she knows that it would be totally inappropriate. She's clearly just trying to push your buttons.
Have your fiance talk to her. If he still isn't able to get through to her, then let it go since she's only going out of her way to make herself look bad. There isn't really anything you are able to do at this point without causing a deeper rift between you, even though none of this is your fault at all, despite what she may tell you.
I'd go ahead and just let her wear it. Most people know this is bad etiquette. Let her look like a jerk. Harsh, perhaps. But it's your wedding day, no one is going to outshine you, no matter what they're wearing.
I agree that BeesGees is right, she's going to look like a major jerk in that dress and everyone is probably going to comment amongst themselves that it was in poor taste. So if she wants to embarrass herself, let her! She certainly will not outshine you, the bride. Once the guests note how dumb she looks, they will move on and forget all about her, because the focal point of the whole day is you and FI.
However, if you really, really want to be the only one in white at your wedding, have your FI talk to her, especially given the nature of the relationship between you and FMIL.
I''m with Blood and BeeGees! This makes her look like a fool, not you! Just wondering---is FMIL attractive?
Oh, I would be so pissed off! I kinda agree that if she wears it, she's going to look like an idiot. I would still have my FI talk to her though. How inappropriate!
omg! straight out of MONSTER-IN-LAW!
i told my mother, his mother, and my grandmothers...."NO white, offwhite, ivory, champagne, eggshell, or any other shade of any of those colors"
i would tell her, or have your FI tell her. that's so inappropriate.
I'd take the high road and let her look like an absolute idiot. I'd say to my FI that she probably doesn't know that it's in bad taste. He may say something to her but at least you didn't start any trouble by complaining to him. She's obviously doing it to ruffle your feathers. Don't let it.
This is going to be the first in a long line of passive aggressive moves your FMIL will make throughout your marriage. It is up to your FI to set boundaries. He's made a choice, she needs to get behind the marriage, and not intefere. You need your FI to stand up for you.
In this specific case, he should explain that its inappropriate for anyone but the bride to wear white, and he would like her to change it. He should also say that you had nothing to do with this request (because then you can play peacemaker and rise-above-it-all FDIL). If she doesn't change, then yes, fine, let her look like an arse. But, if he tries, he can get practice for all the other times she's going to be a nightmere in the future. All my sympathy and good luck!
I would have your fiance casually mention that it's regarded as poor taste to wear white to a wedding (which I'm pretty sure she already knows, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt), and then after that just let her wear it. She's the one who'll look bad.
I agree with everyone else. Have your fiance mention the whole "no one wears white to a wedding" thing, and then let her go from there. Everyone in attendance will realize what she's doing.
Thanks for all of your help! I did ask my FI to talk to her about it. So, we'll see what happens from there. You bees are great inspiration!
Wow. Hope FI's talk with her turns out well. And if she sticks with the dress, well, I agree with the others bees--she'll look ridiculous.
tell your FI to tell her that it would be inappropriate for her to wear a white dress to a wedding if she's not the bride.
TOTALLY agree. She is going to look just the way that she is acting: ridiculous, stupid, and tactless. So sorry that you have to deal with this kind of drama!
I hope FI's talk with her goes well! And if it doesn't, just know that (like everyone has said) she's the one who is going to look like a real jerk at the wedding since everyone knows it is such poor form to wear a white gown to someone else's wedding. Like veganglam said--no matter what, no one will outshine you...I hope focusing on that helps some. Your patience and restraint in this situation is so admirable. Good luck and hang in there!!
definately have ur FI talk to her... i agree with everyone else
My FMIL was planning to wear a white dress, but she really didn't seem to know that it wasn't considered appropriate. We do have a great relationship and my biggest concern was that other people would make a comment and that she'd be embarrassed- however, when my FI talked to her about it she had no problem switching. Even if your FMIL is a jerk, there is still a chance she truly doesn't know better. I would suggest having your FI talk to her but without making her feel bad or accused or anything. Also, do your mother and hers ever talk? Maybe your mom could try to coordinate with her and gently mention that she'd never wear white to your wedding.
She will look foolish infront of everyone, I think almost everyone knows not wear a long white dress. I would have FI talk with her, she is clearly trying to rub you the wrong way.
Sorry to say but I sorta got a chuckle out of this, thinking about how ridiculous she would look wearing that to her own son's wedding. I would probably be mad too, but the knowledge that she would look like a complete and utter moron wearing a white sequined dress to her son's wedding would actually make me look forward to possibly seeing her wear it there. How petty do you have to be to try something like that?
Agree with PPs. Let your FI talk to her, but if she won't budge, let her wear it. She will look like an IDIOT and it won't reflect on you at all. Good luck!
I totally sympathize! She sounds WAY out of line. Quick question: is she Caribbean? I'm asking because my SIL is from Haiti and she ASKED my mom to wear a long white dress at her wedding. Apparently it's a Haitian tradition to confuse evil spirits by having moms dress semi-bridally. My mom felt awkward about this, but did as asked. If it's not a part of FMIL's cultural tradition it's totally rude and inappropriate and your FI should talk to her. (Even if it IS her tradition, she should have asked!) If she persists in wearing a white dress, I agree: she'll look like a fool and you'll have everyone's sympathy (including ours!).
I agree with everyone else. If I were you, honestly I'd have FI say something to her in private that HE feels uncomfortable with the dress, but if she still insists on wearing it I really wouldn't care that much. The only way it will affect you is that people will ask youwho the crazy lady in white is at the wedding and afterwards in pictures. No one will mistake her for the bride as she's probably at least twice your age, right? And really no one will pay that much attention to her other than to give her a shocked look-over and wonder who the crazy lady in white is.
It wasn't the MIL, but a guest wore a long white gown to a formal wedding I attended recently and FI and I for a while actually thought she was a bride from another wedding in the same building coming to check out the wedding we were attending. We realized after a while that she was actually a GUEST and we were shocked, but more embarassed for her. What an awful breach of etiquette and how rude that is.
I'd be pretty livid, tbh, but I set those ground rules at the beginning. :p I agree, ask your fiance to talk to her, but if she doesn't do anything, she'll look like a total fool, and you'll get some awesome revenge. :p
the sequins really elevate this problem.. I'd just let this one play out. Maybe even get her a tiara! Then smash some cake in her face.
I think perhaps you should attack this from another angle...
Tell your FI that you spoke with some of your friends about your FMIL's dress. Explain to him all the reactions you've received. (See all comments above!) Tell him that you're worried that your FMIL will be embarassed when people accuse her of trying to steal the spotlight, and suggest to him that he talk to her about switching her dress to coordinate with the wedding colors instead. Most MILs like this have a Momma's Boy kind of son, I don't know if your FH falls into that category or not. But if he does, he'll want to protect his mom, and he's sure to convince her to change it! If you did it that way, then you aren't the one who has a problem with the dress, AND you look like you're standing up for her (bonus points for you!).
I've actually been surprised lately with how many weddings have MOB or MOG in whitish long dresses with apparent full approval of everyone involved! Everyone seemed to think it was appropriate. One of the dresses did have a black jackety thing but still. I think sometimes the mothers are looking for a light color and other than black white is the most popular evening gown color so that's what they end up with. So there is a possibility it is not malicious. But I too wouldn't be that happy. However, the photos of the weddings I mention above look just fine and there is nothing confusing about who is the bride.
im with BeeGees on this one - let her wear it and look stupid. everyone will know shes acting like a child. and no matter what no one will outshine you on YOUR DAY.
or you could have FH talk to her about it and that its not kosher,ya know?
@MightySaphire - OOOH Good idea!!!
Lol you could always buy her the movie Monster in Law. Then maybe she'll get the hint!
I made it extrememly clear that no one is the wear white or ivory. Well at least to my imeadiate family!
I would have been so mad to see my FMIL had a white or ivory dress. Now that I think about it I'm not sure what my FMIL is wearing. I would talk to your Fiance about it. What did he think about his mom's white dress? Hopefully he is on your side about it and he talks to her and stands up for you. Thats going to be the tie breaker whether or not he can stand up to his mother for you. Some guys are too much of a mammas boy to stand up to their mothers when they do things like this!
Goodluck and let us know how it goes!
Please make sure to give us an update when he has talked to the FMIL...
I would be soooo angry but this board gives sound advice. Trust the Bee's!
I agree with everyone else - having FI talk to her is definitely the way to go, if this is going to continue to bug you.
I'm curious though, since I'm not really too up on fashion, what is sequence?
My FI is going to wait until he sees his family to talk to them. He said he is going to ask her if there is a reason she picked white over another color and go from there. We'll find out what happens this weekend! Thanks for all of your suggestions and inspiration!
Hello bees!
Well the weekend has come and gone, and my fiance got to spend some time alone with his mother. He asked her if there was a reason she chose a white dress. There wasn't. He asked her if the dress came in another color. It didn't. Then she asked him if he liked it. He said he liked the dress just not the fact that it was white. Conversation ended.
I have come more at peace with her wearing this dress over time. In the end, I think its small in the whole grand scheme of things. I have decided not to let that little fact make me angry and just embrace the marriage of my best friend and I.
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