Post # 1
We are getting married in the DR next June. The plan is for guests to be there for 1 week, they will leave and we will stay for another week as our honeymoon.
1- my future SIL asked if she and her husband could renew their vows during the trip (they’ve been married for 7-8 years). I think I have a problem with this because now the trip isn’t about me and my fiancé anymore. This is supposed to be our special time and I feel that they’re taking away from it. Can I say something? They are after all paying for their own trip…
2- my future MIL asked if she could stay for the extra week, alone (she’s single). She did say not to worry about her, that we wouldn’t need to spend any time with her. Again, she’s paying for her own trip so I feel like I can only say so much. But how would you like to be on your honeymoon knowing that your MIL is just around the corner? Just knowing that she’s there makes me automatically feel that we would need to briefly see her at least a couple of times, I’d feel almost guilty otherwise.
Bees, what do I do?
Post # 2
jm2015: That’s why, when my daughter said she wanted to have a destination wedding, I responded NO! There is no way that I’d want to spend more than an evening, with some of the people who would be attending.
1. As long as your SIL doesn’t want to renew her vows at your rehearsal or wedding, there’s really nothing you can do about it. If she’ll be there for a week, they’ll have plenty of time. The entire one-week trip will not be solely about you, 24-7.
2. If it’s a public resort, and not just a vacation rental home, or another sharing situation, your MIL has every right to stay there as long as she wants. You can always move to another resort, for the 2nd week.
Post # 3
Your SIL renewing her vows can’t really be controlled, you invited people down for a week.. Your wedding is one day, she can use the other 6 days as she pleases. Even for something strange like a vow renewal on a non-significant anniversary. BUT, since she did ask.. You can certainly let her know you find it strange and if you and your FI are invited you may not be able to make it due to wedding preparations. She may take a hint.
Is it an option for you and your FI to switch resorts after the first week? You would avoid the MIL issue and be able to have a different experience for your honeymoon. Some all-inclusives have partner resorts.. You should be able to get a shuttle there easily after the wedding. Just a thought!
Post # 4
jm2015: Oooh poor you. I would feel the same on both points. In regards to your SIL I think the only thing you can suggest is for her to consider another location. With your MIL suggest to her would she want to when you and FI will be spending sloth of time together just the two of you as it’s your honeymoon.
An awkward one, hope you get it sorted.
Post # 5
The thing is, I would expect many guests to stay longer than for the wedding day. I think you may find quite a few guests you may bump in to.
Post # 6
megz06: guests are already staying for a full week. Not just a single day.
Post # 7
I think it’s unreasonable to expect guests to pay the kind of money it takes to attend a DW and not try to get the maximum value out of it. If your SIL wants to do a vow renewal, so long as it’s not on your actual wedding day, then she should be able to do that; there is enough spotlight to go around.
Same with your MIL. If she wants to turn the trip into a relaxing vacation, then she should be able to. If she asked you to share a room with her, that would be awkward and weird, but the DR is plenty big for you and your husband to have a lot of privacy even if your MIL is there too.
Post # 8
I would switch resorts the second week, no question! You should be able to still get a honeymoon deal.
as for the vow renewal thing – is your SIL talking about a ‘white dress, walking down the aisle and a reception after’ vow renewal? Or something a lot more casual? I don’t think it is unreasonable for you to be the only person you bring down with you to wear a white wedding dress during your destination wedding. However, if your FSIL and FBIL do a sunset vow renewal, and so do the other married couples there – have it be a short-and-sweet group thing – I think that is very much to the spirit of bringing together the people you love best to see you joined in love together. Heck, if that happens a day or two after the ceremony, then you guys can “renew” too! You can start with the longest married couple then go down to the shortest married couple. This will let her and her husband be romantic together in a grand public gesture, while not making anyone else feel like those two are stealing your spotlight.
Post # 9
jm2015: Right, and my point was you are going to probably run into many guests, not just your MIL. Is she the only one that bothers you to have a possible run in with?
I would expect guests, including your MIL, to be respectful since they will know you’re on your honeymoon.
Post # 10
Does SIL mean a vow renewal that everyone would attend or just that she wants to do a romantic thing with her hubby and renew their vows at some point down there? Either way, I think your actual wedding will totally outshine the vow renewal and it isn’t really that big of a deal. I don’t think it will end up stealing your spotlight at all, just add to the romance of the week.