Post # 1
Just wanting someplace to vent, basically my MIL has known since June about how much the reception room would be and that she was supposed to pay for it. My mother has taken care of food, place where it’ll be held, drinks, etc. regarding the wedding and this was his mother’s one job.
I realize things happen and what not and that she has medical issues (bi-polar) however she was complaining always about wanting a job which she finally got, kept for a week, then quit because it was too much work. Okay.. So now with barely a month left til the wedding, the DH and I are honestly up to as far as possible in debt and needing to cash some bonds his grandfather gave him to pay rent, the canopy and for other wedding related things (tux, dress alterations, and other regular bills also)..
Realizing this, she said she’ll buy the undergarment for my dress, day comes for me to meet her about getting it, MIL calls my mom saying she’ll buy it and my mom can pay her back (without even telling me), so we told her we don’t need it and cannot afford it..and now Roughly a month before the wedding date she asks DH for $150 to pay for the room for the reception. (out of the total of $250)
Am I the only one who feels it is too much when she knew for months already?
Post # 3
@MrsSWB: Sorry you are having to deal with this.
She is bi-polar. She will be like this for the rest of her life. Do not set yourself up for letdowns by expecting her to come through in a crunch.
Post # 4
I am sorry, but no one is “supposed” to pay for anything. It is nice if parents pay, but not required. Did she volunteer, or did you and fiance harass her into paying? In any event, it would appear she is not going to contribute.
Post # 5
I agree with Julies. She is ill. It is beyond her control. She would never choose to be that way.
Your FI should have seen this coming as he’s lived with that for most of his life. I can appreciate your frustrations, however the key going forward is to adjust your expectations.
Post # 6
@MrsSWB: Being Bi-Polar is not an excuse for re-nigging on a committment. I understand that it is a medical condition, but we always have a choice as to how we will deal with the challenges we are handed. There are people with Bi-Polar disorder that function well and are not flaky. It does seem unclear, though, whether this was something she volunteered for or was assigned. Either way, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time she hasn’t come through for something. You can’t expect her to be consistent with what she says she will do, if she already has a pattern of breaking her word.
I have a friend who was married in June. The week of the wedding, her sister who had offered to pay for the photographer ($2500) and her mother who had offered to pay for 1 hour of open bar ($2,000), both backed out of paying for anything and the couple was left to foot the bill. Don’t count on having any money, from anyone else until it is in your hand.
Post # 7
I understand your frustration because you guys had an agreement.
Still, I wonder if you should be having a wedding if you’re struggling this much and are forced to cash in bonds to pay rent. I hope you guys aren’t going into an uncomfortable level of debt for one day.
Post # 9
I pretty much agree with everything above me. I am sorry she’s bipolar though. I know that can be frustrating.
Post # 10
@MrsSWB: Honestly, it doesn’t sound like anyone here is in a good position to pay for a wedding. I’m in the “if you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for it” camp. While I understand its upsetting to have someone reneg on an agreement to pay for something, I also can’t really see accepting money from someone who was recently unemployed and has mediCal issues.
Post # 11
Well I’m bipolar and one of the way it manifests itself is that I’m bad with money. I’m currently two months in rent arrears because I went on a stupid spending spree when I was in a manic phase.
Is it possible that something like this has happened with your FMIL? If you knew in advance of her condition, I would have politely declined, or at least not counted on, her financial help with anything.
Post # 12
The main reason we are cashing the bonds is so we are on time with things instead of a week late, we can do it without them, and she did volunteer everything on her own …we are already legally married (insurance reasons) and her and the DH wanted a “real wedding” more then me..I couldn’t care too much …like I said before I am just frustrated over all about this..have no idea if his dad knows or she’s hiding it from him ..
sure still be nice I suppose but I don’t need it like they do
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2012 - Country Club
@MrsSWB: I’m having a VERY similar issue with my in laws.. She offers to pay for things and then we have to ask her multiple times for it and then she ends up only paying for a small portion.. I just want to say, don’t offer if you don’t plan to pay for it. It drives me insane.. and nothing has happened to change their financial situation since they offered to pay, they actually just gained a huge amount of money, so not sure her excuse.
I’m sorry you are deal with this. It is very stressful. Hopefully you can still have a good relationship with her after the wedding.
Post # 14
Aw, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It seems incredibly annoying for someone to offer to help, and then not come through for you. Regardless if she’s bi-polar or not, this is her son’s wedding, so she should have somewhat of a grasp on the fact that this day is very important for her son and her future wife.
Personally, I would remind her that she offered to help (maybe she “forgot”?) and also let her know that it isn’t fair that she is doing this to you guys (promising to help and then getting flaky about it.) Whatever the outcome may be, at least you and your fiance were honest with her about how you feel.
Post # 15
@MrsSWB: My mother is bi-polar and it’s true she has a mental illness, but that doesn’t give her a “get out of jail free card”. I never rely on my mother for anything she, if she gives me a gift great, but I don’t depend on her for anything. Take this as a lesson learned about your future MIL. Learn to love her for what she is and not try to compare her to what you THINK a mother should be like. She is who she is.