Post # 1
a little more than annoyed…
We are planning on seeing each other before the wedding, to take pictures, and PRIMARILY to get to spend more of our actual wedding DAY with each other and to calm my nerves. I honestly don’t care that we are seeing each other before the ceremony starts.
My FMIL just grabbed the phone from my fiance while I was talking to him, and she clearly has had one too many. She started going on and on, saying, I have several friends who have kids getting married and we have all been talking about it — and I just think that you shouldn’t see each other before the wedding. It is going to take all of the magic out of it….you know what I mean? I think you need to think about it and I agree with the other moms..
This is SOOO annoying to me on several levels:
1. My mom passed away two years ago and it is very painful that she is not here to help with the wedding in general
2. I feel like she is butting in too much and she clearly knew that we preferred to do things this way and she has put me into a awkward situation now
3. It makes me mad that she has been gosipping about our wedding choices to other friends of hers and basically bashing the way we want to do things
Post # 3
Let it ride… and stop discussing the wedding with her in the room.
Post # 4
Say “That’s a good point, I’ll think about it.” Leave it at that and then do what you really want 🙂
Post # 5
@trustingbride: I think you should say “thank you for your input, but we’ve already made the decision to see each other before the wedding because this is what we both want”. If you leave it open ended and say you’ll think about it, it will give her the opportunity to bring it up again. I know exactly how you feel – my mom passed away and wedding planning has been miserable for me. I’m also having very similiar issues with my FMIL and it has been devastating. The best advice people gave me was to ignore her. Let her make her comments, respond only when necessary, do not give into what she wants if its going to hurt you or FI and just keep your happiness at the forefront. I feel like a hypocrite saying this because, really, ignoring it feels impossible for me, but I genuinely hope that something works for you. You deserve to enjoy your wedding and your wedding planning more than she does, sorry if people disagree on that point, but I just disagree that weddings are about the families. This is your day and please try to enjoy it. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk or vent, I feel like we’re in the same boat. Good luck with everything, I hope it works out for the best.
Post # 6
[Comment moderated for personal attack]
Post # 7
My MIL was very opinionated during our planning process. Just stop talking to her about it. And if she asks things be vague in details or just say you dont know.
Post # 8
@FMrsMurray: Actually, I disagree about this example. Whether or not you see each other before the ceremony really does not affect her at all. I find it so exhausting when people try to give me unsolicited advice like that. I can understand if she’s worried about offending someone by scaling back the guest list, or if her social circle would be offended by a cash bar. But a first look? The FMIL really needs to learn to pick her battles.
OP, my mom is a pro at giving me unsolicited advice and making “helpful suggestions” when I have already thought through how I want to handle something. Then I have to have an exhausting conversation where I try not to lose my patience explaining why I’m already happy with my decision. So, I try to tell her as little as possible until something is finalized so that she doesn’t drive me crazy during the process. As a result I do not feel close to my mom, but I have not figured out an alternative approach that does not drive me positively crazy.
Post # 9
@FMrsMurray: I know she can have an opinion. But the first look is about my fiance and I, not here…and it makes me sad that my FMIL has not been more sensitive throughout the whole wedding process, MOSTLY because my sweet mom passed away and is not here with me. It’s tough to have an over-opinionated FMIL, especially when my own mom was so not like that.
Post # 10
@FMrsMurray: I would actually disagree with this. Yes, she’s allowed to have an opinion, but it’s extremely rude the way she expressed it. It’s not her wedding; she needs to step way back. It’s not like whether the bride and groom see each other before the ceremony has any impact on the guests. It’s really no one’s business and shouldn’t be up for discussion.
@trustingbride: Just stick to your guns. You guys should do what makes you comfortable and happy. It’s your wedding day! Tell FMIL thanks for her opinion, but your mind is made up and you know seeing FI before will make the day that much more meaningful for you.
Post # 11
My FMIL in actually pretty much planning and financing our entire wedding because she wanted to have a wedding and I did not. She can stress about it all she wants. My FH and I decided to take the majority of our pictures before the ceremony and she was initially against it but we explained it to her as more time with our guest during cocktail hour and she came around to it and now thinks it is a great idea.
Post # 12
Sorry, your FMIL doesn’t get an opinion on this. It’s your day. You having a first look doesn’t have any effect on her at all. Your FI needs to tell her that you two will be having YOUR wedding the way that YOU want. I probably would have flipped out on her had the grabbed the phone out of my hand (if I was your FI). Rude.