(Closed) MIL coming to stay- tips?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ok, so I don’t have a baby yet, so I don’t have any advice (Sorry). But is this something that you wanted? You seem really apprehensive of this “generous” help for the week and I know that unsolicited help is not necessarily “help” if you’re already stressed out ( I think that applies to any situation). But if the help is already set in stone, maybe just set the ground rules before hand

“I’m only going to have you here for a week, so I need to learn to do this no my own. I apreciate your input and will ask for help and advice when I need it. But other then that please let me learn how to be a Mom”

FWIW–I would NEVER let my MIL come stay! So I think you’re super brave (or super lucky and have an awesome MIL for which I would be JEALOUS)

Post # 5
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have never been in this situation but my BFF just had her first baby and her sis stayed with her for a long weekend. She told me how much she appriciated having an extra adult around because she was exhausted. I remember my grandma coming to stay for a week when each of my brothers were born (I assume she did the same with me but I clearly don’t remeber). I think you will be happy to have someone you trust help watch the baby so oyu can sleep and shower and recover from giving birth. As far as entertaining her, I think you need to make it clear that you will NOT be entertaining her and are just greatful that she will be there to help. If she offers to cook, do laundry, etc. take advantage of it. From what I hear that first week home is overwhelming and baby is needy.

Post # 6
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

While I’m pregnant now, it’s my first so I don’t have personal experience, but I have seen many of my friends deal with this (both with their mothers and MIL), as well as my sister.

Some things I’ve noticed and have thought about for myself: 

It seems to work out better when boundaries are set beforehand.  If you mainly want help with staying on top of the housework and getting a chance to have a shower, I would say so.  I have one friend who found her MIL toweling off her newborn after giving her the first at home bath…no photos…and MIL didn’t ask before doing it.  Friend was napping.  MIL thought she was helping, but my friend was pretty upset.  My friend has not forgotten this.

Your hormones are going to be a mess.  You’re going to cry a lot and be exhausted and super sensitive.  If you MIL annoys you normally, this may get worse for you.  So, I might think of some coping strategies before she gets there.  Serious lack of sleep and mental exhaustion can equal massive issues.

You shouldn’t be worried or thinking about entertaining her (or anyone else!).  If she is someone who normally expects to be entertained, again, I’d let her know that’s probably not going to happen.  If it does, great, but you’ve got other things going on.  I know that this has been a problem for some of my friends.  You come home with a new baby, haven’t slept for 48 hours, and people arrive wanting snacks and dinner.  Figure out that stuff now.  Freeze meals or let her know that your DH is cooking.  If you have a good relationship with her, you might mention that you would love it if she cooked X dish.

Different parenting styles lead to problems…so, if you’re a person who is of the cry it out variety (even with a newborn) and your MIL wants to comfort Baby, this will lead to problems (saw this with my BIL and my mom).  It really doesn’t help if MIL and either you or your DH are of one mind, because that leads to issues with your spouse.  Maybe talk about that kind of thing ahead of time.

Accept help when offered if you’re comfortable with it.  Now isn’t the time to try to be everything to everyone.  I’ve seen this happen with my friends too.  Let MIL do laundry if she offers (and hopefully she will!), etc.

Sorry this is long…but clearly I’ve been thinking about this too.  ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 7
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

I read this funny blog about letting people come stay with you right after the wedding and her advise was not to let anyone stay with you to “help” that you can’t cry in front of or tell to shut up. I thought how funny and true! I’m not a mom but thought that advise sounded pretty on point with how exhuasted/emotional your going to be that first week. I hope you have a relationship with her where you can be yourself otherwise it’s going to be more exhausting keeping it all together infront of her. Best of luck!

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@cacamillis:  Glad to help! 

That formula story is NUTS.  I would loose my …mind….and then, my temper.  Yowzah!

Post # 10
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I just want to say that I’m so jealous. Why? My MIL will be coming a few weeks after we bring home Baby P and staying for a few MONTHS!  (Cultural thing…my husband and MIL are Indian; she’s coming from India to the U.S.)  One week I’m sure you can manage! Can we trade? lol ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Both my IL’s are coming for a month to a few months, but when baby is 3 months old, but it will keep her out of daycare a little longer so I’m happy. Although, I’m sure she is going to do things her own way and I hope it doesn’t mess up her routine. My DH will be very vocal tho with them about what is/not OK, so I’m sure we’ll set boundaries before hand like PP have said.

In no way are you expected to entertain her, tho. Hopefully, she’ll ask before she does anything and just be there to give you a much needed hand. I would try to look on it a liitle more favorably unless there were issues beforehand! Good luck!!

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