(Closed) MIL comments about my age and babies

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sienna76:  To avoid a crying scene. Have your DH break the news to her 🙂

Post # 4
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@sienna76:  I would just tell her that you two took a vote and decided to skip that part….let her cry all she wants, no one owes their parents grandchildren.

Post # 5
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

can you tell her that your doctor told you that you can’t have kids?  maybe that would help her back off and not bug you about it.  i dont think she could have too many comebacks for that sort of thing.

Post # 6
Member
4436 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’d laugh it off or go with a “we’ll see” or “who knows” type of ambiguous answer, then change the subject:)

Post # 7
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@bummbledbee:  I don’t think lying is the way to go about it.

Just tell her that you don’t want them, your DH can do it or the two of you can do it together. It doesn’t matter if she cries.

Post # 8
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@RoyalLime:  +1 Honesty is always the best policy, but that doesn’t mean you have to be there for it!

Post # 9
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

At some point you need to tell her. Preferably your husband should do it. If you don’t want kids and people are asking, I don’t see why it’s a big deal to tell them you aren’t going to have them. If she cries, that’s not your problem. It seems kind of mean to keep her in suspense thinking it may happen soon, and kinder to let her know it’s not in the cards.

I would absolutely not lie to her and say you can’t – that’s just a recipe for her arranging IVF appointments or sending you adoption brochures. Or worse, pitying you and making sad comments and hushing other people up when they talk about children around you. That would be sooooooooo much more awkward.

Post # 11
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@sienna76:  Well, you can always say “Right now we are not planning on ever having any children. That could change in the future but for now we don’t consider it part of our plans and would prefer not to discuss it. If we ever change our minds, our parents will be the first to know.” That kind of leaves the door open for the future… if you want to.

Post # 12
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would just say something like, “Hmmm, well we’re not even sure if we’ll be having kids yet….so I guess we’ll all see if it happens when it happens!”

Post # 13
Member
4510 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

+1 to all those saying just tell her/leave it ambiguous. It’s really none of her business, and yeah, you don’t owe her any grandkids. 

I definitely would not tell her that you can’t have kids — that changes the situation entirely. What’s to stop her from then pushing adoption, surrogacy, etc…? It will not stop there. You guys don’t want kids and that’s completely valid and wonderful in its own way. Lying about it implies that there’s something wrong with your decision, which there isn’t!

Post # 14
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would wink and say “we’re working on it!”. THAT usually shuts them up!

Post # 15
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sienna76:  This is a hard one. i think honesty is the best policy here. Next time she says something just say lightly -oh we’re not planning on having kids-. 

Me and SO are on the fence about kids. How did you decide not to have any? Did you always know? And how is it being childfree when all your friends have kids? 

Sorry for all the questions and feel free to not answer or to pm me, I just like hearing experiences of people who don’t have kids.

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