Post # 1
My FMIL is used to getting her way and being a bit controlling. My parents are in the process of getting a divorce and this is a little hard for me but I support them. I don’t like telling people about it or talking about with other people. His parents have been divorced for several years. I want to put on the invitation “Along with their parents…” instead of listing their names because I feel it would be less emotional and awkward for me than having to list their names the way divorced parents are listed. MIL shot that down right away and said her name had to be on the invitation. She said people are coming that won’t know her son’s name. I see where she is coming from but they still have the same last name so I don’t think too many people would be confused as to who was getting married. This is our wedding and I want to do things that we want and not have her dictate what she wants. My FI is an only child so that also makes things worse. He always agrees with my ideas untill his mom chimes in and talks him out of it. This is our wedding and don’t want to feel like I’m being controlled by anyone. She is only one giving us any problems over our ideas. I’m just venting and wanted to see if anyone had advice or a similar situation that they were dealing with . Thanks for listening!!!
Post # 3
Why are people coming to the wedding that don’t even recognize his name? Honestly, that’s silly!
Post # 4
@pittsteelergirl: I feel like if you’re paying for it then you should have the final say. Especially if you believe that doing it your way will be better for everyone since your parents are getting divorced. The way you are going to word it sounds fine to me.
Post # 5
I’m sure that everyone she is inviting knows who he is. I think she just needs to be in control and have her name shown. My mom is fine with the wording and is the one that is paying for the invitations.
Post # 6
@pittsteelergirl: well since theyre the invitations for YOUR wedding, her name is entirely optional
Post # 7
etiquette wise, unless she is paying for the wedding, her name does not even have to go on the invitation…..
I think “together with their parents” is a great solution for divorced families…..I have to remember that for my invites!
Post # 8
Traditional etiquette says that the hosts of the wedding get their name on the invite. That means she has to PAY UP. 🙂
We put “Me & Him along with our parents invite you…” since both of ours contributed some and helped us plan, but we paid for everything. We also wanted to at least mention them.
And we didn’t invited anyone we don’t know!! That’s crazy, to me. She can follow up her invites with a phonecall to make sure they recieved the invite to her son’s wedding if she’s that worried.
I mean, wow… I would never expect an invite to their weddings, but I know my coworkers’ kids’ names!
Post # 9
I understand the FMIL’s wanting her name on the invitation – it’s traditional and probably what she always expected. But I agree with @MissOtter: if you’re inviting people to a wedding, no matter how big, who won’t recognize the name of either the bride or the groom, it might be time to rethink the guest list.
That said, do try to accommodate her if you can manage it. There are guides for invitation wording that take into account both sets of parents being divorced – see if you can find one that might offer a compromise.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t directly share those ideas with her until it can’t be changed. Sneaky yes but sometimes necessary!
Post # 11
All she is paying for is the rehearsal dinner. She offered to pay for the DJ and then threw a fit about how much the deposit was because she only wanted to pay $250. The deposit was $500 so we had to pay her back $250. I was furious.
Post # 12
@MissOtter: Why are people coming to the wedding that don’t even recognize his name? Honestly, that’s silly!
Thats what I was thinking. Makes no sense. I say stick to you guns, because this will be the first of many of her objections, i’m sure.
Post # 13
My mom is paying for the entire wedding and when I asked her is she minded if her name was left off the invitation she didn’t mind at all.
Post # 14
@pittsteelergirl: Don’t listen to your FMIL. Print the invitations the way you want them, she has 0% say in the matter. Tell your FI he better have your back, too, because this isn’t up for debate. I agree with @bricon: try to respectfully keep decisions from FMIL until after they’ve been finalized if you can. It sounds like you already made a big compromise by inviting people she thinks “won’t know her [son’s] name.”!
Post # 15
If people dont’ even know his name why aare they invited? Ignore her let your Fi deal with her. She has no rights to make that demand.
Post # 16
She wanted to invite an extra 20 people that she worked with that he has never met and I put my foot down. The price per person is very expensive and I wasn’t going to let her invite strangers to our wedding. We want to get married and just have people we want there. Not make a circus of it and invie people just to invite them.