Post # 1
My future MIL didn’t RSVP to the shower or even show up. No one from the grooms side of the family came. I don’t know what this means? It upsets me and I know they are very selfish people, but I feel like it is just downright rude. My fiance’ told me not to dwell on it, because that is how they are. I don’t know what to do about this. Should I say something?
On another wedding festivity topic, the future inlaws have not contributed a cent to the planning, have not even asked about a detail of the wedding and are not thrilled about having the rehearsal dinner at their house. I am still contemplating whether I should just tell them to forget about it. This is the FIL’s first son to be married and they could seem to care less. I just don’t understand.
Any input on what I should do or if I should say something would be greatly appreciated!! PLEASE HELP!
Post # 3
Yes, it’s rude that they didn’t RSVP at all for the shower. I would probably be hurt that they didn’t respond at all and that absolutely no one came. I personally wouldn’t say something about this as I hate confrontation but if you do say something just keep it light and friendly such as “we missed you at the shower. So and so was really looking forward to meeting you.”
However, I don’t find it too strange that they didn’t help pay or ask about the wedding. Perhaps they don’t have the funds to do so and maybe they just aren’t wedding people or they don’t want to seem like they are interfering.
Did they offer up their house fit the rehearsal dinner? Or did you ask? If they didn’t offer it I would probably have it somewhere else as they may have agreed to do it out of a sense if obligation.
How is your relationship with them outside of wedding planning?
Post # 4
Are you close to them or at least on friendly terms? Drop a hint in casual conversation that you missed them at the shower and would like to spend more pre-wedding time with them. That will help get a better sense of what they’re feeling towards you.
Post # 5
@Spud8610: Its very rude that they didn’t RSVP and weird that NO ONE from the groom’s side showed up. As PP said, how is your relationship with them outside of the wedding planning?
I would suggest having your rehearsal dinner elsewhere.
Post # 6
@Spud8610: Some people don’t know that it’s rude not to RSVP. Could that be the case with MIL? Also, my own mother couldn’t make it to my shower — she had to work all week and then had one day off before work started again, so I encouraged her to relax at home. It wasn’t a big deal, no one was offended — I was just thrilled someone wanted to have a shower for me at all! Could it be that your MIL doesn’t know how important this was to you? Would coming to the shower have posed any hardship? Does she know that you really wanted her to be there?
As far as money goes, your ILs aren’t required to contribute a dime — it’s YOUR wedding! If you’re wondering whether or not they’re going to contribute, just ask, but be prepared for them to say “no.” If they’re not thrilled about the rehearsal dinner, maybe you should have it somewhere else. Changing the location might make everyone happier, and your ILs might start to show some interest in the wedding. My parents got married at court, and while they’re thrilled for us, they’re just not interested in planning, cake tasting, hearing me repeat a million details over and over again. This might be your IL’s style, too.
Tweak the rehearsal, drop the shower into conversation — maybe you’ll figure out what’s holding them back! Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
@Spud8610: I would be hurt if no one from my FI’s family came to my shower. That seems really strange. I might ask FMIL about it, but phrase it in a non-attacking way. I’d probably ask if there was something I did to make her not want to come. I would worry that I offended her and her family in some way and I’d want to make ammends. Have you done anything that could have possibly offended them?
Having said that, it’s not odd or selfish that they haven’t offered any money to the wedding. They don’t owe you anything. I’d bummed that they weren’t interested in even talking about it, but some people just aren’t into weddings. Or perhaps they feel you haven’t included them and avoid the topic because it hurts their feelings?
Also, did they offer their house for the rehearsal dinner? If they didn’t, then I agree with PP that you should find another location.
Post # 8
Not weird that they didn’t RSVP but it is weird that no one showed up from his side. I suppose it shouldn’t come as a shaock if they have been vERY disengaged throughout the whole wedding process. They are not expected to pay or show interest, but since they haven’t I guess I wouldn’t have expected them to show up.
As far as dinner I would tell them not to bother because who knows if they will even put in any effort or flake out at the last minute. They seem like those kind of people.
Post # 9
I think this all depends on your relationship with your FILs. If you visit often (for non-holidays) and have a very open relationship and wouldn’t hesitate to text/call your FMIL if you needed to ask her something, then yes, her not RSVPing and not showing up really sucks and seems like a snub. But if you are not really close and never interact with her outside of holiday’s when you are with your FI, then it’s not surprising that she wouldn’t show up to an event b/c the two of you don’t really know each other.
While it would be nice for them to contribute financially to your wedding and be excited in the details, they are not responsible for funding the wedding and some people are just not into wedding details and don’t care about colors, themes and cake toppers. Also, if they are uncomfortable hosting the rehersal dinner at their place, maybe you can suggest that it is hosted elsewhere. Some people just don’t enjoy hosting large parties in their home (it’s a lot of work and if they are introverted parties aren’t even enjoyable).
Post # 10
They are the kind of people who love to have big parties at their home with a band, bon fires and tons of food. So we go over there quite a bit. My fiance’ suggested we have it at their house in the beginning of planning (7 months ago). 2 weekends ago I asked what time I should put on the invitations and FFIL just shrugged his shoulders while FMIL said “wait what? We are having this at our house and we have to pay for it?” and started laughing. I’m thinking to myself, this is the least you could do. My mother and I are planners, naturally we don’t want to wait until the last minute to hash out the details.
I don’t like confrontation either…probably why I am venting on here. lol!
I think that this may be her way of getting back at my fiance and I. The future inlaws got married in Vegas in May and were there for 5 days. We could not afford to go with having our own wedding planning going on and not having enough vacation time away from work. But she didn’t seem to understand it and thought that my job would give me free paid time off aside from my regular vacation days for a honeymoon. Which I laughed at because I have never heard of such a thing.
Post # 11
I am not really upset about them not contributing money wise, beacuse I know that is not how it goes. I guess I should have stated about my FFMIL complaing about paying for the rehearsal dinner. I mean traditionally I thought that was the grooms families responsibilty?
Post # 12
no,not anymore.usually the soon to be bride and groom pay for the wedding and rehersal.nowadays since weddings became so exspensive and lavish compared to a few years back i can understand why parents dont go by traditions these days,exspecially with the economy.
my dad said to me a few times,why didnt you marry years ago when i could afford it.
my dad in no way now could help pay for a wedding,maybe a few hundred,but def not a whole wedding,let alone half.
it is your wedding so its your responsibilty to pay for everything,including the rehersal dinner
Post # 13
@Spud8610: It sounds like your FI suggested having the rehearsal at their house but didn’t tell or ask them or plan it. I would sit down with your inlaws and ask if they actually want to host the party or if they’d rather you guys do it. This is your FI’s conversation to have.
Yes, traditionally the groom’s family would host and pay for the rehearsal dinner, but just because it’s tradition doesn’t mean that it actually happens. I disagree that it is normal for couples to completely foot the bill for their weddings (at least in my circle), but it can’t be assumed that anyone will pay for anything. If they haven’t actually offered, I would not assume.
It was completely rude for your MIL to not RSVP for the shower. If she couldn’t come, that’s too bad…but not RSVPing is ridic. It sends a message of not caring and that’s unfortunate. You’re going to have to let it go because your FI seems to think that this is normal for them, but I would remember this behaviour for future events (they might just show up for Christmas dinner without letting you know, for example).
Post # 14
I agree it’s not very nice they did that…but it sounds like your FI doesnt want you to say anything about it. Just keep this in the back of your mind as you continue into your relationship (or lack thereof) with them: if you know what to expect, it’s easier not to be disappointed.
Post # 15
Gee you are getting a peach of a MIL. You need to plan the rehearsal somewhere else, plan it now while you still have time. You could always do a restaurant or hold it somewhere else and just do pizza and salad.
Post # 16
It’s hurtful that they didn’t turn up to the shower and certainly it’d have been common courtesy to RSVP. But at least they’ve shown their true colours.
As for the rehearsal dinner, nobody is obligated to pay for it but if your FILs are already lukewarm about the idea I’d seriously consider hosting it somewhere else. Nobody likes an indifferent host or hostess.