Post # 1
I am getting the best FIL that i could ever ask for, and i am getting a great MIL also. However my MIL is causing drama that she doesn’t think that her son and i know about. My MIL hates her In-laws ( so my fiances grandparents on his dad side), she has hated them sincebefore i came into the picture. Everyone loves the grandparents but her and i am set on having them at my wedding.All of my fiances family except the MIL having been discussing how we are going to handle the situationat the wedding and his sister has volunteered to wath the MIL the whole time during the wedding! ( I am also gettina a great SIL). Anyway my fiance found out this morning that his mom sent a save the date card to the grandparents and was all excited but minutes later wound out the rest of the story. She sent them the save the date card and the e-mailed my FIL and said that they would be glad to come but then she got mad and started a fight with the FIL and then procedded to send the grandparents a letter ( that no one knew about) that said "I don’t want you to come to my sons wedding." Well the grandparents told my FIL and he told my fiance. We are pissed b/c we want them there and now they might not come bc of her. We are planning on talking to her but we are not suppose to know about the letter and we don’t want her to feel like we are attacking her. B/c when it comes to the grandparents she always feels like we are attacking her. We can not even go visit them with out her pitching a fit and starting an argument with the FIL.
Any suggestions on how we could address this in a civil manner?
Please pray that i don’t lose my temper and cause it to get worse. I feel like it is our wedding and it should be how we want it and it is not her place to say who can and can not come.
Post # 3
Let FI and his family handle this. If MIL puts you on the spot about this, you just have to let her know that the grandparents mean the world to FI and he wants them there and she really needs to discuss this with him. This is not your place to say or do much, other than support whatever your FI wants.
Post # 4
Let your FIL deal with your MIL. I would also have your fiance call his grandparents and let them know, without revealing what you already know, how excited you both are for the wedding and how much you look forward to having them there.
Post # 5
I think that:
A) Your FH should talk with your FMIL. Always.
B) Your FMIL is acting childish, and knows it, and that’s why she’s defensive
C) If your FH wants his PGP (Paternal Grandparents) there, then they should be there. Your FMIL needs to grow up, and be a big girl for her son’s big day. The nerve!!
D) You should both write a special invitation or make a special phone call assuring them that they are invited, will be welcome, and that you love them.
E) Keep them on the guest list. If your FMIL wigs out, refer her to your FH who should tell her that they are HIS guests and WILL be in attendance.
Post # 6
OH man. I agree with the above posters. I think that when your Fi talks to his omom, he should be sure to say how much he loves her and how she has a special place in his heart. But that there is also a place for his grandparents. No matter how she feels about them, they are a part of him. And also hold a place in his heart. It doesn’t mean he’s trying to disrespect her or hurt her. For his sake, I hope everyone can behave well enough to make for a special wedding day.
Yu didn’t say, but I’m wondering if FMIL and FFIL are divorced. If so, and are not getting along well, I wouldn’t recommend having him talk to her. But if they have a good relationship, I think FFIL should have a talk with her too.
Post # 7
yes they are still together and they are usually happy. The only time i see them argue is over money and the grandparents. The FIL has tried talking to her and she just freaks out and starts yelling it is all his fault and that she wants a divorce. He just goes outside and prays but it is so hard on him and the rest of the family. So we have no idea what to do.
Post # 8
Aww I’m so sorry!! It totally sucks for you to be in the middle of it (I’m in the middle of some drama on my FH’s side as well). I think you need to just come to terms with the fact that you cannot do anything ABOUT the situation. It’s not your family/parents so you can’t and shouldn’t say anything. Your role right now is to be there for your FH. He’s probably stressed out even more since it’s HIS mother causing all this. Focus your energy on him and I’m sure something will work out. I really hope your FMIL will come to her senses and realize she’s causing her own son a lot of stress. Hope everything gets figured out soon!! Keep us updated about what happens!