Post # 1
Sooo. I started a new account for anonymity.
Darling Husband and I were married at the courthouse last year for a number of reason – #1 unemployment for both of us, but we’re having a wedding (finally!!) in a few weeks. For the first months we were married, we were dirt dirt dirt poor borrowing money from my parents to eat. It was needless to say horrible. Fortunately we are both working now.
Mother-In-Law has never accepted me. Refused to acknowledge our engagement and put my husband through hell over our relationship. Snubs me at every chance. Won’t look me in the eye. Refused to give us a guest list. Changes the conversation anytime our wedding comes up. Just generally unpleasant. Whatever, I’m disappointed we can’t have a better relationship, but I’ve let go of that. Before we were engaged Darling Husband had to move home because of money and she charged him rent – when he was totally totally broke – literally was willing to take his last dime.
She is twice divorced. Her second marriage ended 25 years ago and she hasn’t gotten over it. Blames all of her lifes miserys on DH’s father leaving her. She has never worked a day and has lived off of her divorce settlements. And lived well, gorgeous house, luxury car, country clubs, fancy clothes and vacations, etc. Until now. She has spent everything! She has some land ($3 million in value) but won’t sell it because the market is down.
Darling Husband just received a large sum of money (an inheritance from the other side of the family.) Now she is wanting us to give her money. To the tune of my entire salary. We were planning on buying a house! Darling Husband is torn because it’s him mom, but she has treated us both so shabbily!
How can we support her when she lives such an extravagant lifestyle and refuses to get a job. She’s 55 and still healthy.
Sorry this is so long, but I feel like if I’m not careful I’ll hurt Darling Husband by tell him my true feelings about his lazy greedy mom!
Post # 3
If she has land worth millions of dollars why is she asking you for money?!?!? No, no, no! Tell her she can move in with you guys and you will charge her a reasonable rent.
Post # 4
No, she either needs to sell the land or get a job. Even if you were to give her money what happens when that runs out? Will she come back for more?
Now is the time to buy a house if you can afford it.
Post # 5
I say buy the house, its better for YOU in the long run. Now that you have him and im presuming (but might be wrong) that you will be starting a family you need the house more than she needs the money. If you have the money to go buy a house now is definately the time to do it. If she is talking about needing money tell her she can move in (under certain conditions) and pay YOU rent or she can sell the land which will support her for the next few decades. You can also tell her to sell some of her luxury cars which I am sure will bring her in some cash. It is NOT your fault that she brought this apon herself. If he owes any back rent then I suggest maybe giving her that much if it doesnt totally cut into your house budget.
I say think of yourself first, then her. She had her chance to live with that money for a while, she blew it. Not your fault
Sorry if I sounded harsh
Post # 6
I agree with all said above she should sell her land or at least part of it to support herself she seems very selfish…
Post # 7
Thanks everyone! I’m just having such a hard time being benevolent when she has been such a cow to me. Darling Husband is struggling with telling her to sell her stuff (land included) because he feels guilty that we have money when she does not. At the end of the day it is HIS inheritance, but I feel like it should go to enrich OUR family and not perpetuate his mom’s excessive lifestyle. I work, why can’t she?!
Post # 8
Wow, sorry you are going through this stuff. My husband’s mother is an alcoholic, and I have no qualms about telling hubs how I feel about her, cuz he feels the same way. Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to put toxic people out of your life. If that is not an option for you guys, i think that boundaries really need to be set. I do not think its right that his mother expects her son to give her part of his inheritance, just so she can continue to be lazy and live a life of luxury without working for it. He needs to realize that you are his family now, and any choice to be made with that large sum of money needs to be mutually agreed upon. it doesn’t sound like she has gone out of her way to help you guys, so my feeling is she doesn’t deserve to have the money, especially when she made him pay rent when he was broke!
Post # 9
Why is the world does your husband feel guilty??? She has always had money, and never helped him out, she made him pay rent when he didn’t have any money at all!!! She is greedy and lazy, and he should not help her fund her lifestyle
Post # 10
@MrsSl82be she was an alcoholic too throughout his entire childhood – why does a stay at home mom need TWO nannies?!
I think the problem is more fundmentally how he wants to be a better person and that he won’t be if he turns his back on her.
Post # 11
He doesn’t have to turn his back on her, just set boundaries and stick to them. Yeah, no nannies when he was growing up, she was pretty high functioning back then, but has gotten out of control lately. We haven’t seen the Christmas right after our wedding because of this
Post # 12
Give her the money for now, set a pay back date, charge interest and hold that land as collateral. the end.
Post # 14
Talk to a family and financial counselor. Your husband should not be guilt tripped when your Mother-In-Law is obviously such a greedy self-centered person.
Post # 15
wow! im sorry, im all for family – its the most important thing in my life and i would drop anything or do anything to help any one of them – but they also dont treat me like that. its one thing to offer for help, but another to be told you HAVE to help.
what has she done for you? nothing, so what do you do for her? nothing.
what does she need the money for anyway? she is sittin on 3 mil.
sounds to me like she just wants part of his inheritance…whether she needs it or not and she is clearly holding on to the one thing she has left in her life, her son. But isn’t showing the love a mother should show her son.
i would want to smack her and say wake up and start acting right before you have no one left in your life.
i seriously dont think my parents would even ask for money if they needed it, they would put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine until of of us kids drags it out of them…
Post # 16
No. Just no. Don’t give her the $. If she insists, make it very clear that it’s HIS inheritence, and is going to a house. Stand firm. That’s just nuts. Good luck!