Post # 1
Okay, so I have a very opinionated FMIL, who has already flat out said she wants a “blingy” dress.
I don’t want to tell her what to wear, but I do know that I don’t want it to clash so I was hoping to give her some “guidelines” but am a) not sure how to bring it up and b) pretty confident she’ll say no jussssst for the sake of it.
Guidelines I was thinking of:
colors that won’t clash (silvers, charcoals, navy blues or similar)
length: anything other than floor length (or thigh length lol) it is a spring wedding where our bridesmaids have kneelength dresses and my mom’s dress is tea-length, so I don’t want her upstaging my mom, obviously
Flashyness minimal: bridesmaid dresses are very very plain, and my mom’s dress is also simple- she’ll only be dressing it up with jewelry
Am I being unreasonable? or is it fair that I give just those guidelines and say if she finds something other than that just to show me so I can ok or nay…? She’s the type who wants to be center of attention (and that was obvious at FSIL’s wedding) I don’t want her to take away from my mom either…
Post # 3
Hm this is a tough one. I don’t think anyone would appreciate a list of guidelines like that … even tho I totally understand where your coming from! Why don’t you ask her to go shopping? That way you can make a day of it. Go to a few places, give your opinion, and hopefully the two of you can compromise on something that she likes and that you approve.
Post # 4
Hmmmm, our dear friend Emily Post says (about MOB & MOG):
“-Try not to wear clothes that are the same as or similar to the bride’s and bridesmaid’s dresses…
-It’s preferable that the mothers wear different colors, so consult with the other mother and/or stepmothers about color…
-The length of your gown or dress is your choice, even for formal weddings. Long dresses and skirts are fine for any wedding from noon on. Mothers of the bride and groom do not have to wear the same length, though many do, feeling that the same length creates a more harmonious look, especially in wedding photos.”
Honestly, I’d have your mom call her and discuss what she’s wearing in order to create a game plan with your FMIL for her attire. I mean, hopefully after talking to your mom, she will follow suit and dress appropriately. If not, that’s on her. I feel like you’ll have to let it go/go with what she chooses.
Post # 5
agreed, that’s quite restricting. I’d say colour and length is about the only say you get, and even then- it’s a suggestion.
Post # 6
Why not offer to buy the dress for her, and take her shopping?
Post # 7
@EffieTrinket: well, I can’t afford to buy her dress for her.. but we went shopping (MOB, MOG and myself) once before.. and she shot down (and wouldn’t even TRY) any othe dresses I showed her to indicate the “look” i’m going for with our pictures… and basically said they aren’t fancy/flashy enough.
We are trying again this weekend, but this time with my MOH and FSIL in tow as backup..
Post # 8
I see no reason a grown woman should be told what she can wear and what she can’t. The wedding is a big occasion for her too, so she should look and feel her best as will your Mom. You might get lucky and she’ll let you have your way, but if she normally buys clothes on the flashy side, she won’t be comfortable in a plain jane dress.
I’d let it go.
Post # 9
I know most people are in the camp of not telling the grown women (MOB and MOG) what they have to wear. In my culture, the bride picks the colors and the families follow suit – including cousins, siblings and aunts (aunts/cousins if they are closer with the bride and groom). Like at my wedding, the two mothers were closely coordinated with the wedding party so I’m all for the MOB and MOG being closely coordinated and being told a color. I would let her know the colors that you think would look best based on the coordination factor with your mom and then let her know that everyone else will be in short dresses and you think it would look great if she were too because of pictures. I think you should let it go about the bling though. I mean if she shows up in something embarrassing, that’s on he,r and unless she asks you to help her pick it out you don’t want to be too restricting. Like my mother in law was asked to wear black but I really had no control over what the dress itself looked like.
Post # 10
okay, i’ve had a bit of an epiphany/attitude change
at first i thought the issue was that I didn’t trust her to pick something nice. THEN I realised I didn’t want her to do something over the top that wouldn’t go with the “flow” of our classy/chic bridal party (grey tuxes, simple and subdued bm dresses). SO I went on a search online.. and found some dress I REALLY like that are both nice, and flow well with the rest of the group, without being matchy, over done, or whatever. she will still look like a VIP, but in a way I’m more comfortable with. I sent pics to my FSIL and she agrees. this will go over better.
was the first dress I liked
Post # 11
But you are still trying to tell her what to wear! Although I do think it’s normal for MOG to try to match the formality level of the MOB and avoid the MOB’s color, I don’t think you can really dictate what style of dress she wears.
Also, think about it in the sense that she is your FMIL, you will have to deal with her for your whole life, is it really worth causing bad blood over this? The family pictures are trivial compared to a lifetime of not getting along with MIL. The reality is, family pictures go in an album that gets pulled out a couple times a year, if that. The pictures you care about from your wedding are going to be of you and yours hubs! So I say let it go, it’s not worth the drama.
Post # 12
@ChemistryBride: i think you misunderstood,
i meant literally before i kinda hated her (but there were other reasons) and i kinda did want her to look less…. good.
SELFISH, i know.
BUT now i’m actually excited and am finding dresses (like the one i showed) which is similarish in formality/style for what she wore to her daughters wedding… so i think she’ll like.. but that i dont want to kill her over.
I dont think there will be drama anymore, is the bottom line. I think I’m finding things she’ll really like and we can both love.