Post # 1
Okay bees I need some advice. I think it’s pretty easy to see from the title that my MIL and I do not get along. She hates me and my mother and neither one of us are that fond of her either. She wore her old wedding dress that she got married to her 3rd husband in (who she is not surprisingly enough divorced from) to my dh and I’s wedding. She showed up completely drunk to our 6pm rehearsal and then refused to speak to either dh or me. She was mad because we had refused to allow her boyfriend come to our wedding. In the 3 months they have been together she has come into our place of employment many times with him when we are working but goes out of her way to make sure she doesn’t introduce him. We had met him before they started dating and to put it simply the guy is an ass. He had a girlfriend when they started dating and he saw nothing wrong with this, mil tried to find his girlfriend at her house (I have no idea how she found out where the woman lives) to start some kind of brawl over this guy, and when the other girlfriend found out she dumped him. She constantly pulls the crying and whining “I’m so lonely and everyone hates me” when she gets called out on her behavior because it generally makes dh cave to what she wants. For the wedding she did absolutely nothing. She didn’t offer to help and when she was asked she said she would and then wouldn’t do what she was asked. She didn’t contribute any money or labor but demanded that she have an active part in the ceremony (which she didn’t) and be put on the invitations (which she was). The real kicker is our gift from her was a blank card in which she signed Mom to the bottom of and nothing else. She did nothing to help and all we got was a blank card. Meanwhile my parents contributed a ton of money, threw the rehearsal dinner (because fil is also an asshole), and helped with everything we needed and still gave us a big gift. My parents were also the only set of parents to stay the entire time at the reception. FIL and stepmom left 2 hours into a 5 hour reception and MIL left 2.5 hours in.
Now that you have some of the background let’s get to my current issue. This fight stems from a kitchenaid mixer she gave dh and I almost a year ago. When she gave it to us she told us we could have it that she would never use it. Her parents bought us a mixer for our wedding and when she found out she demanded hers back. Now since she had told us it was ours and she didn’t want it we had asked my mom if she wanted it. When dh told her that she flipped out about how she “loaned” it to us and she could take it back whenever she wanted. DH just wants to give it back and completely cut her out of our lives. I think something needs to be said but am not sure how to say it since she will run to her parents and skew the situation to make us look bad.
Any ideas or different takes on the situation?
Post # 3
@MrsHappyrock: wow she sounds like a nut case! I’m sorry you have to deal with her. You should buy a brand new mixer, wrap it up really pretty with bows and ribbons, and leave it on her doorstep along with a card that simply says “fuck you”.
Post # 4
@Aquaria: LOL! I agree with you!
Post # 5
@MrsHappyrock: …is your MIL my mother? She has done everything you described above except for rock a wedding dress at my wedding, but seeing as how that hasnt happened yet there’s still time.
I would give her the mixer back and say something to the effect of “I hope you feel this was worth it.”
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2013 - Lake Anna Winery
@MrsHappyrock: I’m so sorry his mom is like that. I have the opposite situation. My mother is over bearing and controlling. But I agree with him. Time to cut ties!
Post # 7
The mixer isn’t worth your sanity. Give it back, and if DH wants to cut her off, let him! She’s done nothing but disrespect you, DH, and your family, so why should you continue to try with her?
If he wants to say something, he can let her know that he won’t tolerate her behavior anymore. She’s disrespected him, and you guys as a couple, for too long. Maybe he could even say he’s willing to have a HEALTHY relationship with her, but until she’s ready for that, he will not allow her to do this to you guys anymore.
If her family chooses to side with her instead of you, well… That’s unfortunate, but their decision. It’s not worth putting up with this toxic woman to have their approval.
Post # 8
@MrsHappyrock: She constantly pulls the crying and whining “I’m so lonely and everyone hates me” when she gets called out on her behavior because it generally makes dh cave to what she wants. For the wedding she did absolutely nothing. She didn’t offer to help and when she was asked she said she would and then wouldn’t do what she was asked. She didn’t contribute any money or labor
That is my MIL in a nutshell. Sometimes you just have to look at how ridiculous some people can be, and laugh to yourself about it, and remind yourself to not be that unreasonable. She can keep singing her “everyone hates me and abandoned me but I don’t understand why” song until she listens for once and makes an actual effort to change.
Post # 9
I’d say returning the mixer and then cutting her out of your lives is the best gift you can give yourself. It’s telling that your husband wants his own mother out of his life.
I think your mom will understand if you explain the situation.
Post # 10
LOLOLOLOL You are so funny.
Post # 11
My mom didn’t even care, she realizes how horrid MIL is and refuses to take the bait to fight with her. MIL seems to have some sort of grudge against my mom because growing up my mother was actually a parent not an alcoholic partying skank like my MIL was throughout my DH’s childhood. Since DH wouldn’t let me do either Aquaria or Badabing88’s notes I have resorted to leaving the mixer in my garage since I refuse to give it back without saying something. DH actually told me the other day if she doesn’t come and get it soon he will give it away since she has yet to even mention the damn thing again after the first initial blow up.
Do MIL’s ever become normal or will they always be this batshit crazy? I doubt mine will (at least not without the help of lots of sedation drugs and happy pills) but it is nice to see I’m not the only one dealing with a woman this nutty!
Post # 12
Unfortunatly, MILs are people, and sometimes, people suck. Her attitude isn’t going to change just because her son got married– she is and always will be a narcissist. Your husband is willing to take the first steps in removing her toxic influence from your life, be thankful. Sometimes they never come around, and you spend 30 years dealing with someone who hates you.
Give her the mixer, cut her off. She won’t change, and to hold out hope that she will is just going to break your heart; she’ll certainly never notice that you want a better relationship. It sounds like you won’t miss her.