Post # 1
I almost don’t know where to begin. My MIL has not approved of me from day 1. I come from an affluent family with a good name in my community. My family has always been very welcoming and loving towards my husband. When my DH and I got engaged, he called his mom and put her on speaker (she didnt know she was on speaker) and when he told her all she said was, “Is there even a ring?” For the next 8 months, she proceeded to email, call, and text my DH about why we shouldnt get married and to say we were rushing things and wanted us to put it off. We dated for a year and 3 months. I’d hardly call that rushing it. For the last year, she has proceeded to try and drive a wedge between my DH and I. At one point, she almost got to him. She even sent him a special phone to call just her on so she could have secret conversations. She told him a life with me is a life without the rest of his family. I held my tongue for the longest time and did not say anything bad about his family. I actually encouraged family time. Family is very special to me and my DH. My DH broke the phone into pieces when he realized that his mom was really trying to tear us apart. I think he was in denial and did not want to believe it. A few months after he discarded the phone and decided the secret conversations were not healthy for our relationship, his grandmother became very sick. When she passed away, my MIL told my DH that he was allowed to come and pay his respects but he was to come alone. At this point my DH had had enough and told his mom that I was his wife and we would be coming to see family and be there for the funeral. His MIL became selfish and started to cry saying dont do this to me. That was the last straw for him. She proceeded to send us a Christmas card and acted as though nothing had happened. Not allowing her son and DIL to come to a funeral was out of line and my husband is furious. His mom told his grandfather that my husband could not come because of school. This makes my husband look bad when it was my MIL fault we werent there. It has been 3 months now and my husband refuses to speak to his mom. I continue to stick by my DH and support him in the decisions he makes no matter what they are. I am working to support my husband through school and take care of him. I wish she would recognize that I am a good wife and truly care for her son. I would love to have the kind of relationship that my DH has with my mom with her. I want to feel welcome and loved. Am I wrong to still want this from her and to keep thinking one day it will happen? I’m afraid of what will happen when we start having children. Knowing her comment about the engagement, I wouldnt be surprised if she said to my DH, “Are you sure its yours?” i would like to say I have never been unfaithful to my husband and never will be. Without my MIL meddling and trying to drive a wedge between us, my DH and I have become closer that we have ever been. Our relationship is amazing and we are hoping to start a family soon. Fellow Bees, what has you MIL said and/or done that was way out of line?
Post # 3
You’re not alone. My FMIL once told me that she was happy my father wasn’t her father (he was injured and crabby from the pain), she constantly plays the guilt game, she accused us of being selfish for renovating the family cottage (we paid for everything and did the job ourselves), and a bunch of other things. Now, I’ve given back – so I guess I’m not the perfect obedient FDIL… But I had to put down my foot for my own self-respect! This fall it became so bad that she sent us an email stating that she won’t come for the wedding. Only to pretend none of that happened as soon Christmas came around…
I think we’re dealing with women that deep down are scared of losing control and holds on to their boys as hard as they can as they resent change and losing power. So no quick fix, they won’t change. The only think that works is distancing yourself from her and hope that she eventually steps over the line so much that she drives a permanent wedge between herself and her son. I know it’s not a good solution to it, but perhaps the only thing that will give the two of you piece.
Post # 4
Wow. What a nasty person! As long as her son is happy, that’s all that should matter. What is her reasoning for not liking you?
I would have gone to the funeral anyway and wouldn’t have let that woman determine who could/couldn’t go.
I’m glad your husband is on your side. It’s going to be difficult, but as long as you two have a united front, you should be ok. I’m sorry you are having to go through this. It’s too bad that she doesn’t realize that, by being nasty to you, she’s hurting her son.
Post # 5
I am sorry that this person is not so nice to you. I have also had a horrible experience with my (step) FMIL.
I have learned to put things in perspective to not let her get to me. She will never change and she may never change her opinion of you; that being said, I think it is time to let it all go. I know how you feel. I also wanted a good relationship with her and I was so eager to please. But I realized her approval is unecessary and this woman has a lot of issues with herself that she is externalizing on my relationship with her step son.
What I did was, after our engagement, I called (or you can meet with her) and I talked to her. I basically said : ” I know we do not see eye to eye and that I did not choose you nor did you choose me. But the truth of the matter is, I am going to marry your son and I will be part of your life, for the rest of your life. I want to have a good relationship with you, let’s put everything behind us and move on.” <- that really shut her up !
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you are dealing with something like this. I have similar issues, however my FI is still in denial. I hope everything works out for you! Best of luck!
Post # 7
You’re not alone! my MIL is just as evil as yours. When I started reading your post I was wondering if it was mine lol She put me through hell and back – and she really crossed the line a few weeks before our wedding when she called him and literally bitched him out for about 15 minutes about how he’s making a mistake and she kept on asking him why he can’t see he’s making a mistake and blah blah blah blah blah.
Long story short… I haven’t seen her since Christmas… after everything she put me through I told my fiance (hubby now) that after the wedding I don’t want to be around her – he said he understands and is perfectly fine with it.
So it is what it is…
Post # 8
UGH dont even get me started!!!
MIL hates me BUT the feeling is mutual and i honestly dont care
She wasnt around when SO and i started dating so i met her a month before we got engaged and off the bat i felt she didnt like me but i kept trying, she would diss me and not say hi to me, turn her back on me when i was talking, im a very bitchy person but hey i thought its HIS mom i have to be nice, so whenever i would see her i would act like nothing happened.
BUT once i got pregnant that was it, Were both mexican and light skinned everyone in our family is light skinned. MIL mentioned what if baby is born dark skinned?
WHAAAT? i asked her what she was trying to say and from where in the hell would LO be dark skinned?
Even my BIL got mad and told her to shut up.
but yeah after that she left to mexico and THANK GOD i never see her so happy ending lol