Post # 1
So, the short story is in the title, but here is the long version:
Husband and I have a 3 month old daughter. We had planned to spend thanksgiving with my in-laws as we do every year. The week before thanksgiving, my MIL had a death in the family and was very upset. She woke up one day with a bump on her eyebrow which she said gradually started hurting over the next couple days. She went to the doctor the day before thanksgiving, and they told her they thought it was a cyst, but they wanted to put her on anti-viral meds right away in case it could be shingles, because shingles is dangerous close to your eye. My FIL told my husband, and after much discussion, my husband and I decided to spend thanksgiving with my family instead of his. My MIL was very disappointed, because she firmly believed she did not actually have shingles, and that even if she did, it was unlikely she could give chicken pox to the baby. However, she supported our decision. Her test came back the day after thanksgiving indicating that, yes, she did have shingles. We felt good that we made the right decision, because we really didnt want our daughter to get chicken pox, even though she had probably already been exposed earlier in the week.
Now a week has passed. My MIL is eager to see the baby again, as our daughter has been a bright spot to her as she has been going through grieving the death of her family member. However, I just don’t feel comfortable with it yet. Everything I have read says that shingles normally lasts 3-5 weeks. Even though it is not as contagious as chicken pox, I don’t really want to risk our baby catching chicken pox right at christmas time (or ever, really). MIL says her doctors have assured her it is fine to see the baby, especially considering she has had no new outbreak or symptoms. Am I heartless to say no? And if I do say no, how long do I wait? My husband will support me regardless, though he feels bad for his mom. Our pediatrician says our baby probably has some immunity left over from me, and is unlikely to get it, but if she shows any symptoms to bring her in right away, as chicken pox can occassionally have dangerous complications.
Post # 2
Have you MIL get a doctor’s note, it’s really not that hard – let the medical professional be the bad guy.
“Hey MIL we really hope to see you but because we don’t want to expose Baby to Shingles before we can confirm arrangements we need for you to see the doctor and be cleared of Shingles and OK’D to be around Baby”
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I personally don’t know if I’d be comfortable with a visit. I agree with unfettering : though on the doctor note idea, one way or another it’ll settle it 🙂
Post # 4
pearlrose : Her doctor says it’s fine, your doctor says it’s fine. I would take them at their word. Good instincts and good call cancelling the T-day plans, but I think at this point with medical professionals saying it’s fine, I’d probably let the grieving woman see her grandbaby.
Post # 5
Both doctors have said it’s fine so I have to agree with the poster above me.
Post # 6
If your pediatrician says it’s fine then I think you should allow a visit. Just have mother in law wear gloves and long sleeves/ a mask as a precaution.
Post # 7
No. I wouldn’t care what the docs said. No visit for a few weeks. Your ped said it was unlikely, not impossible and then followed with IF the baby started showing symptoms… That to me = hell naw. HER doc told her she didn’t have shingles and she did end up having it. That to me = hell naw. No guessing or oopsies, guess we were wrong about that one with a 3-month old. She can wait a few weeks and she should be as concerned about the baby catching it as you are.
Post # 8
If she doesn’t have the shingles blisters (I’ve had shingles, I did not have the blisters), she is non-contaigous.
Post # 9
It used to be thought that shingles virus was only shed in the fluid of the blisters, however the virus has also been found in saliva and nasal secretions. Transmitting the virus other than by direct contact with the fluid from the lesions is rare, but not impossible.
That is why your doctor is saying that your daughter “probably” has some immunity and is “unlikely” to get it. They are not comfortable giving you a 100% guarantee.
Post # 10
Do what feels right to you. You know there is a very small risk, and it’s up to you to decide if it’s a risk worth taking. Choosing not to let her see MIL is more likely to lead to trouble, but the trouble will be a much lower grade issue. It’s sort of up to you to feel out how you weigh the two options. Rock and a hard place, you know?
In the end, whatever you decide, it is you and your husband who will need to live with and deal with any negative outcome should one arise. Grandma and baby may be affected, but ultimately guilt-less.
All I’m saying is.. don’t feel bad for following your mama bear instincts on this one.
Post # 11
No way. Call me overly cautious, but I would wait a few more weeks. It’s not worth the risk.
Post # 12
I’m with you – I’d be paranoid too.
That said, if both doctors are saying it’s okay, then it’s probably okay. You can always ask her to wash her hands before holding the baby and ask her not to kiss the baby. I feel like that might be a compromise?
Post # 13
pearlrose : Heck no. Shingles is dangerous to young babies, or at least that’s what I was told by my doctor. A co worker of mine came in and had it around her eye as well, and VERY VERY IRRESPONSIBILY was rubbing her eyes and touching things while she was work. I had lysol wipes everywhere to help mitigate her from spreading it to people. Becuase she’d sometimes touch her eyes and then a person.
Post # 14
Yeah… NO.I would wait a few weeks longer.
Post # 15
pearlrose : I’d wait – even if the chances are small that your baby would be infected, the possible risk is large. Personally it would not be worth the risk. Everyone involved would feel terrible if there was a bad outcome.