Post # 1
when we first got engaged the MIL said she would help with the costs as much as she can bc my mom is single mother of 5 and its kinda hard for her to do alot! The MIL also said that she wants us to have the wedding we want to have!
First thing first, we said that we wanted a small wedding nothing huge, but she said we couldnt. They have a big family and most of them will be coming to the wedding. I have a small amount of people that will come due to the location. So its 230 people on his side, 40 people on my side, and yet my mom is still having the cost of the reception and everything else the bride traditionally pays for.
When my FI and I, mention that we want something and its not what she wants, we cant do it. So instead of planning OUR wedding, we are planning her wedding. She is one of those people that wont shut up until she gets her way, and doesnt care about any one else’s opinion. So even if we tell her its not what we want, she doesnt get it, and still makes the plans.
I need help! any ideas how to control her? Im running out of patience and hair to pull out!
Post # 3
It seems like saying, "I’m sorry, but we can’t afford 270 people" should do it. If she still says, "But we HAVE to invite so-and-so," tell her that she’s welcome to provide the $XX required for that person to come, but that they’re not on your priority guest list. If that doesn’t shut her up, your FI needs to have a serious chat with her.
Post # 4
I don’t have an advice.. but I just want to say, I can totally sympatize. Big hug to you…
Post # 5
Elope I know, the horror of saying that on a wedding planning website. But, in all honesty, you don’t want to have your wedding day and look back on it thinking about how stressed and overwhelmed everyone was for your wedding. It sounds like you and your fiance made a decision early on to not over extend what you mother felt "obligated" to do; which is a very thoughful and smart thing to do. And that has now been overthrown. So, to you and your fiance, don’t feel obligated to do the traditional thing because it’s causing hardship. Either make it very clear to her why you are making the decisions you are making and clear to her that’s it’s your wedding day or elope.
Post # 6
oh my goodness…my mil did the same thing.
i wonder if there is a mil handbook and this is rule number one!?
i’m really sorry you’re going thru this – but try to keep good terms between you and mil.
Post # 7
See, I’m having the exact opposite problem. I can’t get ANY info out of my FMIL. I’ve asked for imput and she just says "I don’t want to be a meddling MIL, this is your day" and that’s it. I have no idea if they’re contributing anything financially, if they’re planning on hosting the rehearsal dinner, anything. But I guess I’m lucky – although I do feel as if I’m planning my MOTHER’s wedding. She said to me tonight (and I think she was only semi-joking) "well, we’re paying for the reception and since the honeymoon suite is part of the package, dad and i are just going to take that and you guys can get your own room." Ummm.
Post # 8
As tough as this might be to do for you, I would totally remove her from the process. Take out a small loan, in most cases you get gifted money at the wedding and can pay most of it back right away – this way you can plan th ewedding you want. I’d rather have a small monthly payment then a year of whip cracking and having my wedding taken away from me.
It doens’t seem that she understands that just because she’s paying for for part of it, doens;t mean she can plan the whole thing. I think she’s turing into a MIL-zilla – and if you can put her in her place, remove her from the whole thing!
I’m so sorry you have to go through this!