Post # 1
Im in a dilemma. I love my future MIL to death! She is the sweetest thing and has always welcomed me into their family. They are providing so much for us already, including the ceremony and reception site at their beach home, and our wedding is still 8 months away.
She was recommended a photographer who had done a friends wedding and sent me the link- I had said that I would like to talk to the photographer before moving forward. Once looking over her suggesed photographer and pricing I was not has pleased as some others. I found a photographer who I really loved and their style was very similar to mine. We had a great facetime chat and pricing was just right. I sent their deposit a few weeks ago to assure that they were mine. Two days ago I was writing an e-mail to my future MIL letting her know how the plans were going and who I have hired so far. dunnn dunnn dun.. – she let’s me in that she has already sent in the $1000 deposit for the photographer of her choice.
Now I have 2 deposits out- do I just suck it up see and please my MIL by calling my photographer and letting her know that circumstances? Or do I take my chances and call her photographer and let her in on what is going on ? They are taking care of so much that my parents can not afford so I wouldn’t want to upset her.
What’s your advice?
Post # 3
This is a very sticky situation. I would ask your FI how he wants to handle it, since it’s his mother.
Post # 4
Get the photographer you want, seriously. When the wedding’s over, the pictures are what you’re left with, and there are way too many upset brides who come here to complain about their photography. Your MIL should have asked you before putting 1k down on a photographer.
Post # 5
Here is what I would write;
You have been so generous with everything for the wedding so far. I couldn’t even dream of asking you to pay for the photographer. Please get your deposit back and let me cover this one.
I would go with the photographer that you want. Picutres can’t be recreated.
Post # 6
@rosegoldwedding: Since she made the arrangement without you, I’d suggest sending her an email stating that while you appreciate her help enormously, the choice of photographer is yours to make and you have chosen and hired someone else.
Photography is very subjective and you have every right to choose a photographer whose style you love. You don’t want to have years ahead looking at photos you don’t like. She overstepped her bounds, perhaps out of generosity, but still, she went too far.
Post # 7
@rosegoldwedding: Am I the only one who thinks it’s really crazy and unprofessional for a photographer to sign a contract and accept a deposit for a wedding without communicating with the bride/groom first?
Post # 8
I completely agree, as I can’t say the pictures are horrible just from her blog it seems very posey and I like the more in the moment looks. She is on The Knot best of weddings 2012 & wedding wire 2012. My FI says that I should do what I want which is easier said then done and that we need to communicate better.
Something that bothers me is that the photographer hasn’t contacted me to see if we connect. I think it’s super important to have a conversation and learn each others style & personality.
I just wouldn’t want her thinking I am not apprecative, I know she meant no malice from it but I just want to have a say.
Post # 9
@rosegoldwedding: What about contacting the photographer yourself? Is it possible that your MIL didn’t actually pay the deposit yet? Have you seen the contract to see what the package includes?
Post # 11
@Misswhowedding: THis, but I would also include that you have already booked and paid a photographer that you love. If you leave that out she might insist that she covers it to be nice. But if she knows you already have someone it is more clear that you are serious about paying for your own of your choice.
Post # 12
I haven’t contacted her yet because I am unsure if I want to try and get the break the contract from her or mine. Also, the probability of getting any part of the deposit back I know is slim from both photographers.
I have not seen the contract of her photographer yet. My FMIL did say that she put the $ money down since it was something we could not let go of so I do believe she has put the deposit. Looking at her website the package that was mentioned is similar to the one my photographer offers.
Post # 13
I did mention that my mom wanted to pay for the photographer and her response was that she is sorry she didn’t make it more clear she would cover it. In all my mom does want to pay for that- so that’s another side of the story which I haven’t even mentioned this issue to my mom yet.
Her photographer is $3500 and $1000 deposit down already
Mine is $2000 and $500 deposit down already
Should I go behind her back and call the photographer she booked and make a plea that she is crazy and getting a little sappy by saying how much I love the ones I picked?
Post # 14
@kenziemt: Agreed! My photographer insisted upon meeting with us, looking at work, and asking questions about our wedding and preferred styles, etc. before even giving us the contract. I think it’s super weird that this other photographer hasn’t talked with you once and is moving forward.
Post # 15
You like the photographer you chose better right? And this is your wedding, so you have to be happy with the pictures. I’d just tell FMIL “sorry, I didn’t like that photographer so I went ahead and put a deposit down on one I love”. She can deal with the photographer that she booked.
Post # 16
@rosegoldwedding: When your FMIL finally let you know that she had already put a deposit down, could you tell what her tone was like? Did she sound mortified like “OMG I’m so sorry I didn’t know you had already put down a deposit too!!” or was she more like “Oh you don’t need to find a photographer on your own, I already got this covered”? That may help guide how you approach her…