Post # 1
Please let me know your thoughts on this and if you think I have no reason to be irked. Background: my shower is a suprise, as is my bachelorette evening afterwards, I know they are happening, but I’m not allowed to know anything else. I did give a list of friends to be invited.
So a few weeks ago I was at a party for the FI side of the family. I was introduced to someone by my MIL that I “needed to meet because they will probably be at your shower.” In the moment and in the 100 degree heat, I didn’t think anything of it. Later that day, though, it hit me what she said. To myself, I was like, whaaaa? Meet someone now who is invited to my shower to give me gifts that I don’t even know?! I got to thinking and I am pretty sure that she has invited several friends that she works with to the shower. They were late add-ons to the guest list so that’s how I made the connection. (don’t even let me go into how many times or for how many weeks I had to ask for an updated guest list/having her cast a final eye on her side of the guest list, despite my explanations that I was having them addressed and could not order them before having the final list – sorry another topic).
I am feeling odd about this. I heard from my aunt that the shower is going to be pretty big. I am SO GRATEFUL that I am having a shower thrown for me and I hate to be hung up on this but I am annoyed that there will be people there that I don’t know, as I feel it makes me look bad and selfish. Also for the record my aunt is paying for most everything I am 99% sure with some minor help from others.
I think I may just be annoyed because although I love her, my MIL has been less than the best to work with on several aspects of the wedding planning. They are minor but I am stressed and so I can’t help but not be pleased.
Oh, and I have to ad dthis tidbit even though it is somewhat unrelated – when I supplied the list of friends I purposely did not include my boss. I love working with her but we don’t have a relationship like that. I walked into work the other day and she said, “I’m sorry, I can’t make it to your shower.” Of course I played it off but I have no idea who decided to invite her and I can’t say anything to my fam because I am sure they thought I wanted her there.
Thank you for making it this far!
Post # 3
I know that I wouldn’t want to go to a shower for someone I’ve never met. I does sound like the shower guest list is getting out of control since some how they invited your boss without you giving the contact info. It would make me wonder who else they dug up to invite?
That being said I’m not sure there is anything you can do since 1) you’re not in charge of the shower and 2) it seems like the invites already went out. Just make sure at the shower you are on your very best behavior and show a lot of appreciation to everyone. Not that I think anyone would think badly about you for this, but being extra nice will help ease your fear of being seen as selfish.
ETA: Maybe these people are very close with your MIL, and she has talked about you so much they wouldn’t think it’s weird to be invited. My mother has worked at the same place for ages and is very close with her coworkers. I haven’t met some of them but I’m pretty sure they know all about me, my FI, could probably tell you my dogs name. So in that case it wouldn’t be so odd.
Post # 4
My MIL helped throw one of my bridal showers and she invited about 6 friends who I had never met. They were really good friends of her, so why would I refuse them invitation to my bridal shower in which they would be gifting me things out of the generosity and kindness of their heart? I did feel a bit awkward initially, as these people were so nice to someone they had never met, but my DH’s rationale is my MIL has attended many showers for her friends children and this was their way of saying thank you back to her.
The shower is thrown in your honor. If your FMIL wants to invite a few people, I would let her and be gracious. Are they invited to the wedding as well? I had a great time at my shower and it was a great chance to meet some wonderful new people. And I got a lot of gifts to boot!
Post # 5
Thanks, bees! I did ask my MIL if everyone invited to the shower was invited to the wedding and she said, yes, so at least that’s good. For me, it’s not so much that i mind them coming, just that I found it odd. But I guess you have a point, if she helped plan, she should get to invite some folks.
The invites went out at the beginning of the month – shower coming up soon!
Post # 6
it happened to me, as well.
it did seem awkward, but my mother in law is SUPER social and has all these great family friends that were invited to the wedding, so it was offensive to not invite them to the shower.
it all worked out fine and it was nice to meet them, in the end.
Post # 7
There were a few of my MIL’s friends at my shower whom I had never met. It wasn’t a big deal. I met them, they were super nice, and it gave my MIL and GMIL people to talk to since none of H’s other family could make it. H actually showed up to that shower at the end and hung out a bit so he could hang out with his side. It worked out pretty well!
Post # 8
@Stiletto13: I wonder if it’s area-local? I would never think of inviting someone tho has never met the bride to the shower, but my MIL invited like 20 women to her daughter’s baby shower that had never met her before, and no one thought taht was bizarre at all!
Post # 9
It’s perfectly acceptable for people you don’t know to be at your shower. My husband’s family live in a different state, and I had never met 90% of the people that his parents invited to our wedding. So, when shower time came around, his family threw us a shower for their side of the family, and I had never met over half of the people there. I knew his immediate family, my mom, my MOH, and that was it. He has a huge family and his parents have a lot of friends who live far away that they wanted at their son’s wedding. It was better to meet them at the shower than at the wedding itself.
The shower my side of the family/bridesmaids threw me, I knew everyone in atendance though.
Post # 11
In this case I wouldn’t sweat it. First of all, you don’t even know these people, so if they end up thinking that your greedy…who cares? Second of all, in some circles it’s common for mom’s to invite their friends to showers even though they aren’t coming to the wedding. Some of these ladies just want to join in the fun that their friend is having as their babies go off and get married.
It’s fine. Dont’ stress about it. In any case, you didn’t plan the party so it’s not really your fault if others get invited.
Post # 12
I think if they are family members you haven’t met, that’s one thing. But I’d be soooooo worried that everyone thought I was gift-grabby, inviting people I didn’t know :(.
Post # 13
@September29: this is exactly me. I had two showers – one from my side of the family, and one from DH’s aunts. MIL is very social and has lots of friends who I had never met before (also invited to the wedding,) and they were all invited to the shower. It’s only as awkward as you make it. (I still can’t really remember any of their names, and occasionally I’ve run into them in the store or wherever, and they remember me, lol!) Hey, more presents! 😀
Post # 14
@red_rose: hahah yes. when we first started planning and i saw her list i said to my (now) husband… “who the f are all these people?!?!? come on!!”. but after a while i realized that my mother in law ACTUALLY TALKS to all these people. it was just completely beyond me. she truly keeps in touch and considers herself very good friends with many people. i guess im anti-social 🙂