- 3 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I’m trying to not be worried but I feel like H and I keep talking about not giving up special things like birthdays to family. We also talked about spending Christmas by ourselves (H told MIL she and his brother could come over for Christmas….when I confronted them he said he didn’t really mean it and he’d find a way for them to not want to come anymore). He wants the two of us to go away for the holidays, but he still hasn’t told that to his mom.
Somehow, a few phone calls with his mom changes all of these things. And I don’t get it. I took off of work for the days she will be in. She wants me to pick her up from the airport, an airport that I’ve never driven to that is known to be a clusterf*ck to drive to. And it’s at least an hour from where we live. I mentioned this to H and he doesn’t get why it’s a problem. H cannot drive, it’s not fair. It’s his mom. I want to see if we can just have a cab bring her over and then drop her off for her return flight.
The other day I mentioned the idea of us inviting her relatives over, since she will be staying with us. She said that there’s no way they’d drive out here, even though I’ve managed to do it every few weeks to visit friends and family. So now she got this idea that we’ll go to where the family is. And H told me while he was on the phone with his mom that we’d be going to visit them. He told me this while I was making him dinner…he had just come home from a late shift and I had no idea he didn’t eat. I was about to go to bed before he came home.
I’m afraid that MIL has no plans to rent a car and I’ll be stuck having to drive and hour and a half each way to see people who did not attend my wedding, never congratulated us, and for all I know might still be pissed off at me for openly being annoyed at them for that…I’ll admit I could have been more sensitive to their situation at the time.
I don’t want MIL to drive my car because I wouldn’t even trust her to water my plants.
I’m kind of planning to get my new state ID one of the mornings she’ll be with us, since I’m due for a new one. And I also need to go to the doctor and it seems like a nice excuse to not have to be around her all day.
It’s possible MIL will acknowledge my birthday but I really don’t want any gifts from her. Everything always comes with strings and when she gives you something you have to fawn over it and jump up and down and hug her and it just annoys me sometimes.
I just feel like these next few months are hanging over my head, what with her visiting in a few weeks, then us being expected to visit for Thanksgiving because BIL will be out of prison by then, and then we’re supposed to spend Christmas together? Then the next month is MIL’s birthday.
Why does no one ask me what I want? Well okay, but when they do ask me I have to decide at that moment, I’m not allowed to sleep on it or think about things for a few days. I know some of y’all have already mentioned the whole thing about toxic family and how it’s like them taking a dump in your pool that you have to clean up. I wish I had the ovaries to tell H he should stay away from his family–pretty much all they’ve given him is low self-esteem, an abundance of guilt over family “loyalty”, and a lot of heart ache. He even shakes when he’s nervous, especially around MIL and BIL, which is why he can’t drive! And sometimes he’ll also get severe stomach aches when he’s upset by them. The other freaking month we couldn’t have sex for a week because he was so upset at something his mom said.
Both of MIL’s sons cut themselves because of how bad she’d make them feel sometimes. Hell, she made me feel so bad sometimes I cut myself. She made my mom cry. She assaulted SIL’s mom and still denies responsibility. We shouldn’t owe her anything. Why is there this whole societal thing that mom’s are angels. They’re not all angels. I’ve been off the clock at work for over a half hour and I don’t even want to go home because I’m dreading all of this interaction.
I know, we need to find time for a marriage counselor.
TL;DR: I don’t care if MIL is a mother, I do not want to be her personal chaffeur the weekend of my birthday. If we don’t go out though, she will just mope around the house and complain and say mean things to push buttons.