- 7 years ago
I am not terribly close with my husband’s family but thought everything was fine. From time to time I have some issues with them but nothing dramatic until about a week ago.
I never really thought my MIL liked me, but she never did anything vindictive or hurtful so I dismissed the thought and allowed it to be what it was. They live about an hour away and my husband visits frequently, though I do not attend save for about once a month or sometimes less depending upon my schedule. I never grew up in a closeknit family so I don’t even know who my cousins are or really care for or understand those who lived differently – not to say there is anything wrong with it, but I tried in the beginning to get used to always being around his family and I just couldn’t do it.
I also tend to avoid drama. I don’t like it, and I don’t associate with dramatic people who have fight after fight or spend hours gossiping about their close friends. I think this is a reason it is difficult for me to trust or be close with my MIL, it is clear to me that she has those charactericstics based on her discussions about many fights with close friends, etc.
Okay, I think that’s a decent enough background. So the issue I have is that out of the blue while staying with her, she seemed uninterested in talking with me. I took it as her being unhappy about my being there and again let it slide. The next day, my husband and I were leaving and she was crying. He told me he thought he knew what the problem was, so we got out and she was very, very, very upset with me for not calling her on mother’s day (I had planned to take her for brunch but she cancelled at the last minute, so we told her I’d mail the card I had gotten). This must have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for her, because she railed on about how I am supposingly pushing her away and ruining my life (?) because of my bad childhood. My husband and I were a little confused because it was clear to us this was blown way, way out of proportion. He thinks it is really just about Mother’s Day, but I think she’s been stewing for a while about God knows what. I have already reached out to her multiple times, and she responded but only said “thank you” and alluded that everything was okay. I’ve seen her several times since and it is the same as it has been, cordial niceties and whatnot. She isn’t particularly standoffish anymore, but she is also not really interested in discussing what had happened and why despite my few attempts at repairing this.
Never in a million years could I ever imagine I would be the DIL that someone would feel that way about. I don’t understand it, because I have always been genuinely nice and took great care to express my gratitude for her raising such a wonderful son. My husband doesn’t think there is really anything wrong, but when I see her interact with her other son’s wife it is clear that I am alienated from the whole circle. She keeps me at a distance, always has, and I’m not sure why. I really didn’t do anything, and I’ve extremely observant so I can assure you that I am not coming off and being cold or disinterested.
I don’t want to pull the race card, but I wonder if it is because I am white and they are not. Maybe she was not happy about that. I don’t know what to do.
Has anyone else been through this?