Post # 1
As a wedding shower present, my new MIL gave me a spa day, complete with lunch, at the spa she goes to all of the time in her town, about an hour away from where I live. She even included the tip money as part of the package. I know that this must have been a really generous gift, and it was given with the best of intentions.
I know this is going to sound crazy, but I don’t enjoy spa treatments. The idea of spending an entire Saturday at a spa that is not convenient to my house is just not something I’m super excited about, especially at a time post-wedding when I am in the process of trying to get my life back in order, on top of several other upcoming commitments that I am already behind on.
Normally, I would just not use the gift. However, my MIL must be asking the ladies at her spa if I’ve been there yet, because she keeps telling me she hopes I can find the time soon to go. I am sure she will be disappointed if I don’t use the package. It expires in 3 months.
I would love to send someone else in my place, but I’m almost afraid my MIL would “pop in” on whatever day the appointment is, because the spa ladies talk!
(First world problems, I know.)
How do I handle this one?
Post # 2
i think you should go. it was probably a gift she thought you would LOVE and it’s probably really insulting you’re not jumping at the chance. you may not be excited about it but i think it’s worth it to spare her feelings and go and try to enjoy it. you might end up liking it more than you thought, especially with everything you’ve had going on lately. i think you will look really ungrateful if you send someone else in your place.
Post # 3
It is not something I would enjoy either, but if I were you I would just suck it up and go. I’m sure she meant well and there is no sense in creating bad feelings between you and your mother in law.
Post # 4
I’m not a spa person either but I would go just to make her happy and to use it. I mean there’s a lot worse things she could have made you do, so just find a day and use it.
Post # 5
marie_antoinette: Choosing to let the gift expire or sending someone in your place would be hurtful to her. She is going to be your MIL for long time.
As a compromise, can you contact the spa to see if you can bring a friend and share the experience with each of you splitting the services that would have taken the full day for one person?
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
marie_antoinette: Honestly, I’d just go. I know it’s a drive, but it was an expensive gift – and its always a good idea to keep you MIL happy haha!
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
My husband bought me a spa day at a place an hour away from our house. I chose a rainy day to cash in my spa day and my husband made it even better by dropping me off and picking me up.
If there is no way you can see yourself cashing it in, then you should say something to your MIL. If you cash it in and use it, she may buy more for you in the future. I would let her know that while it was a great gift, you just don’t like strangers touching you or it’s too far from your home. Then give her the option of taking it back so she can use it since she obviously likes going there. I wouldn’t expect a replacement gift. There really is no nice way to reject a gift but in this instance I think it’s better to be honest.
Post # 8
Thanks for your input, ladies.<br /><br />One of the issues is, I am going to be seriously short on time until after August. It would be so much easier to find the time to go if the thing did not expire in June. I wonder if I could get an “extension” on the package if I call the spa. Has anyone ever done that?
Post # 9
marie_antoinette: find something that you like, go for lunch, and call her to join you, saying that you just don’t know if you have time to use all of the gift certificate’s worth of treatments and that you’d love to spend time with her there. That way, the whole certificate gets used and you stay there for less time, and she gets to share the experience with you?
You don’t really like spa treatments? Try going through their whole list and finding something that might appeal to you? There may be something that you just didn’t know a spa did.
I tend to be more in the camp of use it and be gracious, even if you’re screaming inside because it’s something the other person was really wanting to experience.
Post # 13
I’m not a spa fan either, so I get it. But since she seems so invested in you using it, I’d just suck it up and go. Better to lose one day at the spa than have a bitchy MIL forever!
Post # 10
If you don’t use it she will ALWAYS remember the time she tried to do something nice and you were ungrateful.
Now I know it’s not that you’re ungrateful, but that it isn’t your thing. That’s not how she will see it though.
I think you should go in the interest of keeping a good relationship with your MIL.
Post # 11
I’m not a fan of the whole spa thing either. Maybe as another bee said they would split up the value between two people so you could bring someone with?
Post # 11
marie_antoinette: I’ve done that with a manicure gift card before and the spa said it was totally fine. It probably depends on the place though.
Post # 14
marie_antoinette: i am not a spa person either. i do not like massages. but i do like facials. are there other services at this salon that you could use. could you bring a friend with you and split the gift card so you don’t feel pressue to use it all.
Post # 15
marie_antoinette: Sorry about it, because I know you are very busy and not particularly into spas, and I can sympathize with both of those things! But I think you just need to use the gift card. You risk creating all manner of unpleasantness and hurt feelings with your mother-in-law if you don’t. Not, repeat Not worth it.