MIL not coming for Christmas and forbidding rest of family from coming (Long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@tentwelvethirteen:  In brackets you put (dad mom sis) then you said you weren’t inviting her? Just making sure I’m not missing something.


Ok, I am sorry you are having trouble with MIL but it is awesome that your husband told her she was out of line! Great that you are a team.


Question, are you sure you want to cut her out of your lives? What about if you have kids? You can see grandpa not grandma?


Also I hate to be a bitch. Lord know my mom and I are black and white, if she was not my mom we wouldn’t be friends. Not going to thread jack just saying. Anyway, if my brother was married and invited me, fi, my dad and my sisters but NOT my mom… sorry it doesn’t matter what she did, we wouldn’t go.


 Are you sure there is no way you can talk to her or at least be civil? This is a damn awkward situation for fil and sil. Not to mention your husband COULD end up regretting this(she is his mom) and end up resenting you

Ok and again, you’ll hate me but what is wrong with her coming over to explain? I mean if someone invited me over for xmas but said I could not come over early to explain, what was imo a misunderstanding, and demanded I just apologize. That would be the end, I will apologize if there was a misunderstanding but that is it. I don’t grovel and I don’t apologize because I am told to. Yes, I am not saying what you want to hear but imagine someone saying, “yeah we will tolerate you for xmas, but you are not coming over before and I don’t care what you meant or if it was a misunderstanding just apologize!”…kind of a hard pill to swallow

Post # 5
6793 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I dont’ see what is wrong with her coming over to explain. Some people have a very hard time admitting they were wrong, so it may take a little coaxing to get an actual apology, but you have to start somewhere.

Post # 7
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@tentwelvethirteen:  …stick to your guns. 

As a rule, people that “Forbid” things, SUCK…I can only guess your MIL is no exception.


Post # 9
7502 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

F her then. And if your FIL and SIL are being manipulated by them, oh well. Have your stress free holiday and see them all on another time. I wouldn’t be bothered with this nonsense. She’s very immature and is doing this to get a reaction out of you. Your DH is right to not play into her B.S.


Post # 10
1874 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Horseradish:  +1

OP, why not just listen to what she has to say? I mean, I would be very weird out to come over for Christmas dinner when there was tension made a couple months back and it hasn’t been talked about since. You do realize that even if she came on Christmas, a discussion of what went down will end up happening, right? Regardless of whether you want to talk about it or not. 

And I can’t blame the lady for not wanting to spend Christmas alone if her husband and daughter come by you guys. Makes sense that it’s either come all or come none. She wants to talk, let her talk. It’ll be better to get EVERYTHING out in the open. 

Post # 11
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@tentwelvethirteen:  ….whatever you guys do…do it as a unit.

Mr. 99 gave up on his family last year around the holidays and life has just been delightful since then….

Post # 12
9158 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I would let her come explain, even if she does try to make excuses.  As long as she admits SOME degree of wrong-doing, this is the sort of thing that you should forgive if not forget.  She sounds like kind of a you-know-what, but I’m not sure that holding on to these (admittedly reasonable) wedding grudges is worth creating a giant rift in his family.  Try to be the bigger person!

Post # 13
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@tentwelvethirteen:  Well, she sounds delightful! Honestly, who wants a fake apology? If you got one, I assume (because you sound intelligent), you know it is just lip service and means a big fat nothing to her. I think (or maybe its just me, big family) we all have those crazy relatives and just find a way to deal and find humour in their idiotic antics.

Do you plan on children? As I said before, I can see that being a major hurdle. Also please, please consider what this does to fil and sil. If they don’t go because of her this year, what happens next year and the year after? You are upset and rightfully so, but “I don’t care” and “I’d cut her out”, is easier to say than do. Remember, cutting out the matriarch means losing other family members to a large extent. Not always but it makes things trickier. “Having a party, I can invite bob & sue OR mom, dad etc etc because mom won’t go nor will anyone else if bob & sue come”

Do you see what I am saying? Just trying to give some perspective that, although, unpleasant is an unfun reality. Plus mil sounds cray cray, so any minute you will have dozens of posts of pure support. I just excell at being the “look at it this way” bitch, lol

Post # 15
4564 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

“sorry, we don’t negotiate with terrorists”.


Seriously, this woman is trying to hard to control and manipulate. Either she plays on your terms or not at all IMO. 

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