MIL partner at top table?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If that is her partner then he should be added to the top table. Just using as an example (not to be rude) but how would you feel if you were invited to a wedding and were seated at a different table from fi because for x reason?  I think that would be absolutely rude of the host/hostess. 

 

Post # 4
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mamafifi:  Hate to say it, but I’m not sure how else he would take it. The general rule of thumb for plus ones in the US is if the guest has been dating his/her SO for 1+ year, they should be allowed a plus one to the wedding and they would most definitely be seated together. I think the same goes for MIL and her date. 

If I were the “new” partner, I would be hurt if I weren’t included at the table – unless of course everything was very clearly and delicately laid out well in advance. Communication is SO KEY in situations like this. There are a lot of factors at play. First, I think if your FI’s dad is not invited to the wedding (and because it’s your FI’s dad, he should have the final say on inviting him), then absolutely put the new partner at the same table as MIL. If FI’s dad is invited, then other things come into play: does dad know about the partner? Have they met? Do they get along? If the answer to all of those is “yes,” then put them all at the same table and let them handle it the way adults should. If the answer to some or most of those questions is “no,” then you’ve got a more complicated situation on your hands.

This is obviously a touchy subject, but there are ssooooooo many decisions involved in wedding planning (mine’s in 2 weeks and I’m ready to make one decision that’s not wedding related!), try not get hung up on any one thing. In the long run, nothing will be the end of the world – especially if you communicate clearly with the affected parties! I can’t stress that enough. 

Post # 5
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mamafifi:  Is this one of those arrangements where partners don’t sit together anyway, like mother of the groom sits next to father of the bride etc? If it is, then I would say no.

But if everyone else is sitting next to their partners I would say yes. It would make both his mum and her partner more comfortable, and I think that’s more important than correct etiquette.

p.s. This sounds like a very British thing, so most of us are guessing 🙂

Post # 7
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m in the UK but not that knowledgable about the rules, my gut say that yes he should be on the top table. YourFI should talk to his mum about it.

Post # 8
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ooh but if it’s a choice between him and your brother, that’s tricky. Ooh I don’t know, I take it there isn’t room ffor both of them?

Post # 10
Member
7193 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mamafifi:  Do the various siblings (Best Man, MOH, Usher) have partners? If so, then I agree with your mother: FMIL’s bf is no more entitled to sit at the head table then your siblings’ partners. And if the best man / MOH / usher can be separated from their partners for the duration of the meal, FMIL can be too. It’s nothing personal against FMIL’s bf (or the siblings’ partners), it’s just a recognition that the head table is the two imemdiate families only.

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