Post # 1
Ok Bees, I need some help before I lose my mind. I keep waffling back and forth on getting mad and just plain wanting to give up. I’ve had a difficult time with my FML since the beginning of our engagement. It actually caused six months of counseling (not even premarital, just straight counseling dealing with family issues and my FH). We are a week and half away from our wedding and suddenly I find out that the FML is planning a separate rehearsal dinner for her out of town guests and is getting her boss to pay for it (I have no idea how, she talks trash about him constantly). Anyway, she can’t pay a dime toward the real rehearsal dinner, so my FH and I are paying for it. In her mind, I’m supposed to be happy that she’s arranged for more people to come and somehow get a complete stranger to pay for it. I view it as crashing the party and making something about her because we all know she will need to play host to them and not be by her son’s side as the Mother of the Groom during all of the real festivities. <br /><br />BTW, it wasn’t that we didn’t want the out of town guests to join us, we just couldn’t since we had to pay for it ourselves and limited the dinner to immediate family and bridal party. I just feel like our dinner is getting highjacked and that it will be completely akward for the “real” party in one part of the restraunt and the “others” in another part. Because, yea, she arranged it at the same place as real rehearsal dinner, where they get to see they weren’t part of the original plans. Am I crazy here? I asked that if she does this, that we need to somehow merge the two groups at the restaurant, but she doesn’t want her boss to feel like he has to pay for more people so that’s not an option. I honestly do not want my future in-laws jumping the gun and thinking that my FH and I are assholes for not including them, but I don’t think there’s a way around this. HELP!
Post # 2
jcol1984: You are not the one that the future in-laws are going to think is an a_ _hole.
This is beyond insensitive and rude of her. She should be attending the proper rehearsal dinner with you and her son.
Post # 3
Yikes, I thought this was at a separate location… Having it at the same restaurant is a recipe for disaster. I don’t think you should have to wrangle her, your FI should do that.
Post # 4
jcol1984: Am I crazy here? Nope! But we all can guess who might be.
I honestly do not want my future in-laws jumping the gun and thinking that my FH and I are assholes for not including them. I agree with julies1949, on this point. <br /><br />Good luck, with this situation. And let us know how it all turns out.
Post # 5
Can you merge the two parties and you pay for your part and her boss or w/e pay for the part he/she was supposed to? No one has to know how the payment went down.
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
Wow, that’s just unbelievable. Your FI really needs to stand up to her. This is unacceptable on so many levels. She’s basically decided to not only NOT attend her son’s rehearsal dinner, but to purposefully create drama by hosting/organizing a second party for the same night AT THE SAME PLACE! Oh, Hell no! She needs to be stopped! This is ridiculous. I might even call the restaurant and ask how they plan on keeping the two events separate. Will there be walls separating you? How will guests know which dinner to attend? OMG, this is so selfish of her. I don’t know what she could possibly be thinking.
Post # 7
- Wedding: Davis Island Garden Club
This is unreal! I had to grapple with my FMIL about the rehearsal dinner too so I feel your pain.
She absolutly cannot have another party at the same restaurant at the same time, that’s unreal and so awkward and rude for your guests.
I would insist she picks a different location if she feels so inclined to have her own dinner. When you and your FI don’t show up everyone will think FMIL is the a-hole. If she won’t move her location then you should move yours, and don’t tell her. Since she didn’t plan on attending your party there is no reason to let her know about the location change.
Or perhaps compromise on post wedding brunch the day after the wedding and let her have full reign if that party. That’s how I got my FMIL to stop acting crazy about the rehearsal.
Post # 8
Oh wow! I don’t have any advice but good luck
Post # 9
jcol1984: This is insane. I would make your FI deal with her. It is beyond rude for her to do this.
amoore2: Yes, all of this.
Post # 10
jcol1984: This is really bizarre. If the two parties are not joined then she’s basically hosting an unrelated dinner at the same time and place of your rehersal dinner. Honestly I would have your FI tell her that the dinner you have planned is how you want it to be and that while you appreciate her desire to have more people there, it just doesn’t work with your plan.
Post # 11
jcol1984: I apologize in advance for what I’m about to say, but it’s really the only way I can express my true feelings…
FUCK. THAT. NOISE!
She is being insensitive, rude, and crazy. Coming from someone who has her own set of FMIL problems I say stand up to her now because it’s just going to get worse. You shouldn’t feel uncomfortable about your wedding.
PLUS is she inviting the out of town guests who AREN’t her guests (whatever that means)? Because if she isn’t she is just being plain rude including some out of town guests and not others. Also, since when do Groom’s parent’s bosses pay for the rehearsal dinner? lol
Post # 12
MissPhish: She only invited out of town guests that she knew. My side had plenty of out of town guests that I would have loved to include, but just couln’t from budget reasons. And I agree about setting boundaries, I had a long talk with the FH last night and he is trying to shut it down now. Still worried on if people have already been invited and then they will get un-invited to this make believe rehearsal dinner. PLUS, I couldn’t let go of my anger toward her about being an absentee MOG. She needs to be by her son’s side during this life changing event and she’s making it all about her and what she wants. I think after the wedding, I’m going to need a few months of not being around her at this point.
Post # 13
amoore2: Good advice, I thought about the after wedding brunch, but my mother has already claimed it and arranging it at her house. Since she couldn’t have the rehearsal dinner, we gave that to her… and I love my mom so there’s not reason to punish her for this crazy lady’s antics (plus my mom is completely fed up with her at this point too and it would set my mom off.) After talking with FH last night, we are trying like hell to shut it down, or they take it to another location where her boss entertains them and MOG stays with the bridal party like she needs to. Those are the boundaries we set in theory, here’s to hoping that they actually get followed.
Post # 14
what is your FI’s take on this?? Or your FFIL’s stance?? This is beyond odd.
also, why is her boss paying for a dinner for a group of people who he doesn’t know?? That is beyond weird And doesn’t make sense.
Depending on how upset you are, At this point I would either switch locations for the rehearsal dinner and not tell her, or call the restaurant and request a private room/location for the party. Or just deal with it. People are probably just going to come up and congratulate you and your FI anyway… So this really shouldn’t add more stress to your night. If FMIl wants to absent herself, that is her issue. If she is that troublesome, do you really want her around anyway??
Post # 15
I’m trying to understand exactly what is going on, here. Are these out of town guests of your FMIL’s connected through business? Will boss be invited and is he part of this group? Do you know that FMIL won’t be at the rehearsal or are you only guessing that she will try to split her time?
I could see her asking to include these people in the real dinner if it didn’t cost you anything, but not at the expense of the out of town guests that you were not able to invite. So that would be a no go. If FMIL is hosting these people separately at the same place at the same time as your party that is so incredibly rude.