- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2009
I’m a new member on here. I’ve always been browsing the boards and the site but never had the courage to post my own personal problem on here. But I really need some advice as I have no idea what to do…
Ok so here goes… I’ll try to make this as short and uncomplicated as possible. Bear with me. 🙂
My husband and I have been married for 3.5 years now and for the most part our marriage has been great. However, for the past 2 years my BIL was set up with a girl on my MIL’s constant begging and they hit it off. So much in fact that they tied the knot just this past October. But right after they got married, shit just hit the fan.. sorry for my blunt words.
But basically my MIL and I have never really had any problems. She lives in a different country, so do my husband’s entire family actually, so our marriage hasn’t really had any drama per se from my in laws. I actually got on quite well with my in laws. I started chatting with my new SIL (BIL’s wife) on skype since we had never met and I always take time to open up to people because I don’t know how they are. But I really got on great with her and so did my MIL at the time. But then slowly things started to change in my MIL’s attitude towards her… she started complaining about whenever my BIL and his wife would go out, saying that he wasn’t making enough money for them to be spending it like that, etc. I didn’t really like how she was basically talking crap about them behind their backs. I told my husband this and he told my MIL to stop. But she didn’t and continued… This made things between us so awkward because I don’t have a habit of gossiping and especially in a family, I don’t think it’s appropriate to pin one SIL against the other. As a MIL wouldn’t she want the family to get along? Well, my husband and I travelled for my BIL’s wedding. And when we got there, my MIL’s drama just escalated. Just after their 3rd day of married life, my MIL was already complaining about his wife and how she was “changing him” and how “up her ass he was”. I was literally appalled. And I just tried to ignore her, but to be honest the entire vacation and plans we had of having fun with them were ruined. I to this day don’t know what the hell my MIL’s problem is. She seems like a complete lunatic to me now and it’s ruining my marriage because my husband is always telling me to talk to her on the phone or text her or skype call her. And I don’t want to! She is SO negative and hates my BIL’s wife for no apparent reason. The only reason I can think of is that she stole her son away.. My MIL has always been interfering, I learned to live with her ways because she was so far away from us so it didn’t bother me. But my SIL and I talk everyday and she always confides in me about how MIL is ruining their marriage. My MIL currently is living with them which is why its as bad as it is. It’s part of their Asian culture and since they still live in Asia… there’s really no one else for her to live with at the moment.
I’ve also noticed that my MIL now lies about things with my husband to get him on her side. I’ve tried to tell my husband that she’s being dishonest, but how can you tell your hubby that his mom is manipulative and a liar? It’s basically ruining our marriage whenever I badmouth his mom. It makes me look like a jerk and his mother poor and defenseless. She cries on the phone with him too about how miserable she is there, but I don’t get why she’s so miserable? She has money to spend, she shops like crazy and has quite a good life there. Her sons love her and my SIL did love her before she started her drama.
I understand that she’s my hubby’s mother, but lately I feel like my husband doesn’t take my side on this. He doesn’t know my SIL well enough and has never really been close to his own brother either. But I just hate how he takes sides without knowing the entire story. I also was skeptical when my SIL would tell me things about my MIL but to be honest, when I went to their wedding I saw it first hand and I just hated her behaviour. She literally ruined their wedding day. She had the facial expression of someone who was attending a funeral rather than their son’s wedding. I mean shouldn’t you be happy for your son? I know it’s not my problem and I’m not getting involved but the only reason why I’m now worried is because several times since then, my MIL has said that she wants to come and live with us here in the states. I don’t want this! My husband is her favourite, which is a horrible thing to do with your kids, but that’s really the only reason she doesn’t treat me like shit (yet).
I really need some advice on this… It bothers me literally everyday and my husband and I constantly fight because he just won’t see what kind of a woman his mother is.. I feel like she’s ruining not only my BIL’s marriage but also ours. I’m sorry for the longggg story.