- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012 - Country Club
My Husband is in the military so we move around a lot. He was in the military for 4 years before meeting me, so I had no control over him joining. We got engaged New Years Eve 2011. He was stationed in NC when I met him. I lived about 9 hours away from him and his family is about 22 hours away. His parents came to NC 1 time before we moved to England, so I have only met them for a weekend.
I didn’t move to NC until after we were engaged. We found out, in October, we were moving to England in January and decided to get married in November, so that I could go with him. We had already planned and paid for most of our big wedding, so we are still having it.
I have a very close relationship with my mom and my whole extended family is really close. His family isn’t close at all. His mom constantly whines to him and her friends about how we never go to visit them. I just graduated college in August and the military doesn’t pay that well, any money we save is going to the wedding. The only reason we were able to visit my parents, when we still lived in the states, was because they were driving distance away that we could go for a weekend and they always would give us money to cover the costs. The weekend she was in NC she even said to me “He called me a lot more before he met you” and I replied that I talk to my mom everyday. In all honesty, he would most likely talk to his mom maybe once a month if I didn’t encourage him to call her every weekend.
I have made a huge effort to have a relationship with her. I have emailed/facebooked/called her. I get a few words back to my extremely long messages and maybe a minute on the phone with her before she asks for her son. We have never asked for anything from her. When we got engaged she offered (more then once) to pay for the honeymoon and rehersal dinner. She hasn’t given us anything for the honeymoon and we just paid for it ourselves, which is fine with me, I don’t want her to pay for anything she doesn’t want to. But she keeps telling my mother and me to plan the dinner and she will pay for it since she isn’t from around the area.
Today I sent her a message, this is what it said
” Hi! Have you gave any thought to a song you would want for your mother/son dance? I wasn’t sure if there was a song that was tradition in your family or if you had one in mind.
We were thinking of having the rehearsal dinner at Olive Garden, Since you said you wanted to host it, we wanted to make sure this was okay with you.
We will be sending out invitations next week, J said you had an address to add on, but he never sent it to me. He said it was his Uncle, I think you emailed him the address and he lost it.
J didn’t know if there were any wedding traditions you would want us to incorporate into the ceremony, let me know if you want us to include anything.
Let one of us know if you have any questions about the wedding. =) “
All she sent back was “Here is the Address: Mr. so and so”
What I am getting from this is that she wants no involvement in the wedding, no mother son dance, and no relationship with me… It really hurts my feelings. Part of me is saying to just give up, stop trying so hard to be nice to her and start a friendship, but the other part of me wishes it would be different. I really don’t think it would bother me so much if she didn’t whine to him, me, her friends, my family about how we never go to visit and he never talks to her. This was mostly just a rant, but any advice would be helpful. I’m feeling really down about all of this. Thanks Bees