MIL rant- should I keep trying?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@pinkcrush:  Well, it is worth it to put in some effort because she is family. But there will come a point when you no longer care and that will be the end of it. It sucks. A friend of mine has issues with her MIL (namely the woman hates her for no reason, they have never even met). The MIL refused to attend the wedding and even sent a cake saying “Congratulations Earl”. Nothing about her name, just her husband’s name. After that she gave up and quit trying. Some people just won’t ever come around.

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Better uninvolved than overinvolved!

Keep being polite, but don’t worry about it!

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Awww, that sounds so frustrating.  Your email was super nice, and she didn’t even bother to respond, or even say hm need to think about all that, here’s the address fo now.  I don’t have advice, other than to keep trying… if she doesn’t get back to you about the other stuff in a couple days, I’d have FI try contacting her about the same things to see if you can get the info.

Post # 7
Member
41 posts
Newbee

Better to keep involved, and have her know that you try?

Post # 9
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think it is admirable that you try to be close to your MIL. However, she is showing that she would like a more distant relationship with you. She is also showing signs of being reluctant to let her son go, which explains some of the cold behavior. In her mind, you are taking her son away. Keep being polite yet distant like she wants.

Post # 10
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t try with her. Just be polite whenever you’re around her. She clearly just wants to have a relationship with her son right now and will hopefully come around later. I would ask your FI to talk to her about whatever you need. 

Post # 11
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@pinkcrush:  I’m a MOB who was in the military as a career.  Since your FI isn’t in a combat zone I would let him take it from here.  He isn’t in an environment where you don’t want to worry him – he can take the ball and run with it from here.  I like your suggestion above about saying “…here is the conversation I had with your mom…”  

I think you did an exceptional job trying to involve her and reach out to her.  She didn’t reach back.  Let FI decide on the dance and whether or not to talk to his mom.  You did a lovely job – I’m gonna say she just isn’t interested.

Post # 12
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Trying to see it from another perspective, call me crazy, but I’m going to hope that perhaps she accidentally hit send before finishing the message OR maybe she didn’t have a response to the other stuff but wanted to make sure she didn’t delay you getting the address. 

 
I think this would be a wonderful opportunity to follow up the email with a phone call a few days later. Annoying yes, but then you’ll know if there was an oops or a deliberate action. 
 
Maybe they hate Olive Garden or had another restaurant that was better within their budget and culinary tastes. 
 
I think a phone call can provide some clarity. In all fairness, you have at least a month before you HAVE to have answers to the other questions. 
 

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

To me, it’s a bit obvious why she responded the way she did. Your fiance should be asking her these things, over the phone. It’s like you are speaking on behalf of the two of ye, for example “Let one of us know if you have any questions about the wedding”. He’s her son so he should just get this info off her when he rings her.

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