Post # 1
My MIL smokes, and cannot easily go for more than an hour or two without a cigarette. I’ve been with my fiancee for 9 years, and unfortunately I am allergic to cigarette smoke and break out in hives on my chest and stomach when I am near smoke or even near someone who has smoke on their clothes. My mother and sister also have the same issue, although it is the worst for me. The hives are bright red and itchy and last anywhere from half and hour to an hour after I get away from the smoke.
I don’t know what the best way is to approach this with my MIL for the wedding weekend. We are staying in a hotel all together Friday to Sunday, and I am the most concerned for right before the ceremony and for photos. I’m sure she will want to be in the room with all of the bridesmaids (including my allergic sister and me) while we are getting ready. She does know about the issue, but tends to ignore it. I don’t think she is trying to be selfish at all, but is either embarrassed about it or just thinks ignoring it and staying away from me when she is actually smoking is the best she can do.
Any advice on what I should do and the best way to approach it? I asked my fiancee to speak with her, but he is hesitant and I understand why – it sounds terrible to ask her to stay away from me on our wedding day!
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
Get a smoke free hotel room and tell her she has to go outside to smoke.
I don’t know where you are located but many places now do not allow smoking indoors so she would have to go outside. If that’s not the case where you are I don’t really see why you can’t just be honest with her. It’s not her fault or your fault that you react that way, it’s just your body’s reaction. Tell her your very sorry but it makes you break out in hives!
Sounds like this is happening even when she’s not actively smoking? That’s rough, again I would just talk to her or have your FI talk to her about it again. A lot of people have sensitivities. I know other bees have posted about having scent free weddings where they ask guests to refrain from wearing perfume/cologne etc. I have had sensitive people tell me that my perfume bothers them! LOL I feel bad but I don’t feel offend when they stay away from me.
I actually knew a girl in college who was allergic to the scent of all Victoria’s Secret Perfumes. She would beg us to tell her who was wearing it when we went out so she could avoid it because she could always tell! It made her nauseous.
Post # 4
Just say that you would appreciate if she could avoid smoking near you on the day (and don’t hug her if you can smell it on her clothes). I’m allergic to nuts andhave to be thatawkward personwho asks people not to eat snickers bars within 2 feet of me as it gives me panic attacks. Just explain that the rash can last anour and you don’t want it on your wedding day. In the UK anyway it is illegal to smoke in a public building. Is this the case where you live?
Post # 5
This might sound insane, but could you take a benedryl?
Post # 6
Have your fiance offer to buy her a box of nicotine patches for the wedding weekend. Acknowledge that she wants/needs to smoke but ask that she not do it near you at all or when she’s wearing clothes that she’ll have on when she’s going to be near you. Explain again that you will break out in hives and turn bright red in your wedding dress and so will your sister and you’ll have no problem pointing to her as the source.
Post # 7
futuremrsmp definitely not insane – I’ve tried it but it makes me so tired, I don’t want to feel that badly on my wedding day. But it may honestly be a good option – I will bring it with me and see how the Friday evening goes.
Ms_Purple and emmrr3 thank you for the feedback! It makes me feel better about having to ask her to stay back a bit. Yes, she only smokes outdoors, but the smoke just sticks to her like crazy!
Post # 8
@MrsTVLover: Benedryl can make you super sleepy which is also not a good way to spend your wedding day. I’m one of those people who carries an epi pen for other people’s perfume. No matter how much allergry medicine I take beforehand I’m still going to get hives when exposed to an allergen ie. perfume. The only thing that takes my hives down is repeatedly applied benedryl cream. I would suggest that the OP keep some on hand for her wedding day. I would also have another conversation with MIL. Some people simply do not understand how serious allergies can be and just how uncomfortable hives can be. Heck, my hives almost swelled my throat shut from the outside once which could have killed me.
Post # 9
I know what you mean – it makes me tired too. What a crappy situation to be in!
Maybe your FI could ask her to not smoke before she puts on her MOG dress, and then use gum during picture time. Then after the photos/ceremony you can keep your distance, because I imagine if the drinks be flowing, so will the smoke
Post # 10
Ditto on the nicotine patch and on the smoke-free hotel room. I don’t think you should feel bad about asking her to cut back on the smoking. You have a very legitimate excuse.
My allergies to smoke as bad, too. My MIL is a chain smoker. DH and I braved one night at her apartment during Christmer; I couldn’t take it. I was coughing and had a sinus infection by the end of the weekend.
Post # 11
@BrightDaffodil: I wonder if she’d be open to trying an e-cigarette for the day.
I used to smoke (bleaugh!), and that was my quitting method. It’s as satisfying as a regular cigarette to the smoker, without ANY odor.
Post # 12
@BrightDaffodil: I would make sure that all of the windows in the bridal suite were open and that I had a breeze going through there at a pretty good clip, if the air is always moving, you can’t get stuck in a cloud of cigarette smoke.
But her a track suit or robe to get ready in, she’ll have to change into that, and will most likely stay in it until AFTER she has that one last drag before she changes…that way she’s rolling into the ceremony in clean clothes, and if she’s hustled right into after ceremony photos, she’s not going to have time for another smoke until your ethereal beauty and lovliness has been adequately photographed…after that, its anyone’s game, so don’t hug her at the reception.
Post # 13
Perhaps you could provide her with an e-cigarette and ask her to use it when she is around you as you are allergic to cigarette smoke. I use an e-cigarette for places where I am not allowed to smoke and it satisfies the cravings until I can have the real thing.
Post # 14
Buy her the NJoy King 3 pack. You can get it at any 7/11. They are disposable, and each one will last for 2 hours with regular use. The packaging will say that they are equivalent to 2 packs of cigarettes, but don’t believe that. It’s simply not true.
That will give you at least 6 hours of smoke-free time for the ceremony and photos. She may even really like them and end up switching over for good!
Post # 15
My bf is a pharmacist and says claritin, zyrtec, allegra, and clarinex are *supposedly* non-drowsy but may not work for your condition. Experiment?
Post # 16
I’d be honest with her, tell her you love her and want to work something out for the day so that she can be around you. Ask her if she’d be willing to try the patch for a day or the e-cigs and that you’ll provide them for her. Let her know that you want her to be there and want to find a way to make it work, but that it won’t work out for her being around you if she is smoking cigarettes all day of because of your allergies and it would upset you not to have her there, but possibly add in that you’ll understand if she wants to smoke instead even though it means she can’t be close to you. That way you’re putting it all on her…you want her to be there, but by her choosing to smoke, she’s choosing to smoke with the understanding that she can’t be around you.