MIL spreading nasty rumors about SIL. Would you tell her?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ilovebacon:  

It is such a difficult situation. I understand why you want to tell your SIL. I still think you should stay out of it as your husband has asked you to. 

Everything in darkness eventually comes to light. The lies will come out and your SIL will react as she chooses. 

Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Telling your sister-in-law will only add to the drama.  Better to stay out of it, and seriously keep an eye on that kid…did you see bruises on her face?  An accidental whack to the face won’t cause something like that…it would have to be pretty forceful.

Post # 4
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would 100% tell the SIL. Those are serious lies that could have terrible repercussions. 

I would also tell the MIL I wanted nothing to do with her lies. To not say another single word to me or my husband about SIL. If she started up I would walk away. 

Post # 5
Member
7214 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

ilovebacon: assuming you know the kid is not being abused, this is really outrageous and unforgivable.

 bad news is if MIL is doing this to SIL, she’s doing it to others or will be soon or already has. For that reason, I’m not sure I agree with PP. I have had a SIL tell me when the shoe was on the other foot, and I had already been wondering if I should tell her about all of the bs said about her. People who lie like this work on divide and conquer and operate best when no one else is talking directly. 

I think you can find a way to approach this where you say MIL very concerned, and you are following up. This way, you don’t look like you are tattling, but it opens the door for dialogue. You might be surprised at what you find out. If what you suspect is true, this is a lie that would end my relationship with her and it’s a warning shot to everyone else do the lengths she will go to. 

Post # 6
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would tell the MIL that she needs to choose her words carefully, as if taken out of context, your SIL and family could face a whole slew of legal troubles, and let her know that if she isn’t more careful with her words in the future, you’ll have to speak to your SIL and BIL about the things she’s saying. Basically put her on notice but give her a chance to hold her mouth shut before going to your SIL. 

Post # 10
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Do you have any evidence your MIL is telling people outside of your immediate family?  I am asking because, if so, I wouldn’t be as hesitant to drop a little anonymous note in SIL’s mailbox……….

Post # 12
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

ilovebacon:  Gah, part of me says stay out of it– BUT as a PP said, these ARE serious accusations.  What if MIL told someone else, and then THAT person contacted authorities because they don’t even know SIL?  I feel like you MIL is walking a serious line, and she needs to check herself.  Someone should speak up to her and let her know what she’s doing is NOT ok, it’s NOT funny, and it needs to stop!

Post # 13
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

What exactly would your MIL gain by saying these things? Is she prepared to or ever expressed an interest in trying for custody of the child? The little girl may be trapped with equally bad parents, and at 3, if she’s telling her Grandmother these things, why would the child make them up? Kids are smart but certainly aren’t clever enough at that age to make up elaborate stories,especially about being pushed down the steps.

It’s obvious how little you think of your MIL, but if she’s babysitting, she obviously sees and hears more from the girl than you do. Funny how all three of the men in this family don’t want to say anything or get involved, because why? Your BIL is covering for his wife’s ‘accidents’, your FIL doesn’t want his son’s drunk driving habits to affect his ability to work if caught, and your husband doesn’t want you to get in the middle because???

Your MIL may be a drama queen, but why are you so sure your SIL is innocent in all this? The daycare hasn’t said anything as yet, but why are you so sure they won’t?

What I would do is to spend more time with this child and keep my eyes and ears open before doing anything about any of it.

Post # 15
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

ilovebacon:  Do I get it right that it is your Husbands brothers child? Means your Hubby could tell his brother so that he could talk to his mom? Or you can tell BIL.

 

I mean it is best if son talks to his mom rather than daughter-in law – mother-in-law talk? I let my FI handle his Mom.

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