Post # 1
my FMIL makes me feel like an inadequete mum. she is constantly undermining me and its driving me crazy.
we (me, FI and daughter) went to go visit tonight and just as i was putting my daughters coat on to leave MIL says “oh why dont i have her tonight i can bring her back tomorrow morning for you”. i felt a bit blindsided and FI agreed she could spend the night. this happens at least twice a week. i have spoken to FI about it but he dosnt understand why i get upset he just says that he was always at his grandmothers growing up.
since my daughter was born (shes 18 months), me and MIL have had a constant battle of parenting over everything. at 3 weeks old she wanted to take my still breastfed baby on holiday without me and told me breastfeeding her was just a way to be controlling.
when my daughter was 8 weeks old she got meningitis and had to stay in hospital for a month in quarentine, i stayed in with her but we were not allowed visitors. she holds a grudge about not seeing her through that time, apart from through the glass door.
once my daughter was better she started taking her out on thursday mornings to the park, a little while later i spoke to a mutual friend who told me she has been passing my little girl off as her own child. i find this creepy. i confronted my FI about it and he confirmed that she sometimes says it to strangers because she is broody. she is even asking me to have another baby and she would take my daughter for half the week to make it easier.
FI and i have fought about this quite a lot as he thinks i am being ungrateful and he can not understand that i dont like being away from my baby. i’m starting to question if i am being unreasonable.
how would you cope with this situation? anything similiar happened.
Post # 3
That is weird.
Do they know exactly how you feel about this? Im sorry your FI doesn’t understand. Maybe if he can put himself in your shoes he can speak to his mom about it. Perhaps you all could spend more time over there together, as a family, so that she also gets quality time with her grandchild?
Post # 4
That is super weird and creepy (passing off the baby as her own).
I think the situation needs to be discussed between you and your FI. It’ll never get solved through you and her. Find some mutual ground – how many times a week your daughter stays at MIL, how much time they spend together, etc, and make sure he sticks to it!
Post # 5
Your MIL sounds like a psycho. I wouldn’t allow her to be alone with my child. She seems like one of those chicks who you see on the news after she runs away with other peoples babies.
Post # 6
Ok, at first I thought she was just being a kooky, over excited grandmother. Sure, a lot of that stuff would drive me bonkers and I would NOT like it or allow it, but grandparents sometimes get a little over excited with grandbabies.
But then when I read that she’s passing the child off as her own…that’s scary. Delusional.
She needs to respect YOU as the parent. That’s not really happening…it’s great that she’s such a part of your daughter’s life, but she’s really over doing it. Maybe you should just calmly discuss how this makes you feel to her?
Post # 7
This is definitely weird. Her passing your child off as her own isn’t cool. You need to have a sit down conversation with your husband about why this all bothers you. If he won’t listen to just you, then you need to get a third party (counselor) involved. I wouldn’t mind overnight visits as long as they were planned in advance, so you might have to give in on some points, but the unplanned overnights make things difficult.
You also have to learn to put your foot down if your DH won’t. If you’re uncomfortable with a situation, tell her that you’re uncomfortable and that you’re leaving. Don’t let her control the situation.
Post # 8
is this her first grandchild?
i do understand the passing off as her own is creepy, but i dont see how her offering to stay with her is bad?
My mom is totally different she never offers to stay with my LO shes 12m soo idk
Post # 9
Oh gosh. I don’t think you are over reacting.. I am sorry you have to deal with this! I don’t really have much advice, as I don’t have children myself, but maybe getting your FI to agree to only one sleep over per week (instead of 2) and trying to limit the amount of time you use FMIL for a baby sitter?
Post # 10
yeah…..so at first I just though she sounded like an overbearing grandma………but passing her off as her own child? Telling you to pop out another baby so she can take the older one? That is stepping into creepy zone.
I’d be having a chat with your FI and definitely put a stop to the spontaneous overnights. She should be asking you ahead of time and coordinating that.
Post # 11
I don’t have kids and this sounds weird! I know my parents have my neice and nephew frequently, and sometimes even with my other sister in law whom we tolerate they take her and my brothers kids too for a weekend too. They also take all of the kids on a solo on vacation once year in the summer. However they begun doing this now that the kids are all school age, not at 18months.
However it’s mutally agreed on by all parties. She weird too think she can have the kid once a week, and it sounds like your husband is ok with pawning the baby off his mther for whatever reason. I say nip the sleepovers in the bud because she clealy has an issue with boundaries. Get on the same page with your husband, where you gusy agree on how much acess she has to the baby. Then he has to present a united front with you.
I would also address some issues with her about calling her self the babies mother creepy, weird. you aren’t crazy time to put your foot down.
Post # 12
I find this super creepy. I dont have a child yet but I have a feeling FI’s parenys are going to be mega clingers when we have a child and I will not put up with this!! You need to have a talk with your fiance about this so you can both be on the same page.
Post # 13
That is very creepy. Trying to pass the child as her own? Asking you to have another one so she can have the first one? Wanting to take a 3 week old away from her mother so she can take it on vacation, and then telling the mother she is controllig? I have no words for this. What concerns me is that your FI does not seem to be on your side with this. He thinks it is normal behavior? Yikes!
You are not unreasonable. You MIL is unreasonable, and you FI is less than supportive. HE should be the one to put his mother in her place. I think this pretty predictive of things to come. I’m sorry to say this, but I would reconsider marrying the momma’s boy.
Post # 14
I would be concerned that she may get a bit TOO into the role and refuse to return her at some point. I would make a real stand on this, regardless of what your FI thinks. Having her to stay is fine but pretending she is HER baby is very,very worrying. I would set up STRICT guidelines with her about when and where she has your baby and make it clear that if you find out that she has been telling people the baby is hers that she will NOT be allowed her without you/your FI being with her. If your daughter hears her referring to herself as her mother, and she knows you as mummy she will get very confused.
Post # 15
Honestly your MIL sounds insane and you need to put your foot down now! It will only get worse with time.
Post # 16
Honestly, as weird and mean as your MIL may be, I’d be much more furious and upset with my husband. He should be on your side and see and understand your feelings about all of this!! I would sit him down and tell him that you *need* him to understand how you feel about this in order to have a healthy relationship. These things are not normal. Her line to you about breastfeeding was just awful and her passing off your child as her own is extremely out there.
I wouldn’t want your MIL around my children with her acting the way she does. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, but you need to get your relationship with your husband on track (with regards to his mom) and I highly, highly suggest a counselor to help you both figure this out! Good luck!