Post # 1
Everything from the date to the color of my flowers has been taken from me. I’m so heartbroken. I really just want to vent and let it all out. There’s nothing that can be done about it.
Ive had the worst case of “cold feet,” for lack of a better term, and now that this wedding isn’t anything I dreamed of, how can I go through with all this? We paid for a venue. We paid for invitations, stamps, cards, save the dates, EVERYTHING booked and deposited for one date. & in one afternoon it’s all gone. My venue, my vendors, everything. We lost THOUSANDS. We were never going to have a regular wedding, but this is absolutely crazy. And I love my MIL almost as much as my own Mom. We paid for a venue and she saw it and said she didn’t like it and asked to see another down the street…we went there and before we knew it she whipped out her credit card and gives it to the people…I was like no, I like the venue that’s been paid for better, after protesting even going to the new venue which I lost that too. & I don’t know how much money she gave them, but it was enough that between the time we got there and the time we left, the date to accomodate another family members wedding in the states magically opened up. Hows. About. That. Oh to have grown up like the other half… 🙁
I wanted ivory, silver and red. All she’s paid for is the building but she wants to slice the guest list in half, (GUESS WHICH HALF—-and reccomended cutting my own blood brother), and change my flower colors. But I’m expected to invite some girl his brother started dating that I’ve never met. Nobody gets a plus one at my wedding…it’s too big…and then to have the audacity to say my fiances half brother gets a date I never met and my brother can’t come. BLOOD BOILING OUT MY EARS. To say I have to put up your relatives in my home, but not my brother…to say, “how can they afford plane tickets if they can’t afford hotels” thats a great question MIL, why can’t the SEVEN people from your side flying in and staying AT MY HOUSE….TO NOT INCONVIENCE YOU…get their own god damn hotel rooms Too?
Why would I cut the guest list? That does not matter to anything…we are paying for the food, flowers, photography, videography, ice sculptures, etc. my fiancé and I. My mother hasn’t contributed a dime, and MIL only paid for the venue because she wanted to change it. We had one already 45%-50% paid for with deposits & everything! But it’s easy to throw away other people’s money isn’t it?
Post # 3
Wheres your FI in all of this?
Post # 4
Something is seriously wrong here. If you guys have paid for a venue you tell her NO – sorry that she did not listen but you don’t need to lose thousands, you NEED to set some boundaries. Where was your FI in all of this?
Do not allow this to go another step. Did you cancel what you paid for? Did your FI side with her?
Post # 5
@lifesaver08: I don’t understand why you two as adults are allowingthis? If you are paying for your wedding like you say then she doesn’t get a say. Why would her booking a venue change your original plans?
Whilst I think your MIL is being pushy I certainly don’t feel like she is to blame here. You and your FI are to blame for this situation. You guys are allowing this to happen.
Post # 6
Something doesn’t seem right. Your FI should stand in and tell his mother he doesn’t like the fact she is taking over the wedding.
Post # 7
Uhhh I’m lost. How old are you and your FI? Why hasnt he said something? Someone can only do what you/your FI allow them to do…..
Post # 8
She sounds like a nasty piece of work and she needs to be put on her leash now. I am shocked she even suggested cutting your side of the family from the guest list.
I agree with the comments above, your FI needs to grow a pair and sort his mother out. She ought to compensate you for the money you have lost.
i feel for you man that sounds like an untenable situation
Post # 9
@lifesaver08: Refuse her money and have the wedding you want. Tell your FI to pull his mother into line. I agree with other posters – why is your fiance letting her do this?
I would cancel the wedding rather than let my MIL tell me my own brother couldn’t come.
Post # 10
@lifesaver08: I am sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like you are stressed and angry and I don’t think any bride should have to feel that way. If you don’t want to continue with this, you are going to have to take some responsibility for the situation, step up and speak up.
I don’t think this will be easy, but you can’t really blame all of this on FMIL. Why would YOU allow your brother to be cut from the guest list in favor of the fiance’s brother’s date and some random girl? Why would YOU allow MIL’s guests to stay at your house instead of your family? It definitely sounds like she is crossing lines but it also sounds like you’re letting her. I second the question posed by the other bees- where is your FI in all of this? My advice would be that you speak to him about your concerns. Then, create a guest list of the people that matter to you. Decide what venue, colors, etc. you want. Then you both talk to FMIL and set your boundaries. If you want to enjoy your wedding you are going to have to take responsibility and make the changes you want to see.
Post # 11
I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I love her. She’s living through me. Her & my own mother a bit too. He is 29, I am 26. I know she’s helping and I know she’s right that all white flowers are classier then the red…and things of that nature, but I still kinda want what I wanted. My fiancé did like this venue equally as much as the other one, maybe a little more, I preferred the original venue…so he was no help….growing up poor, it seems senseless to throw away more money for essentially the exact same thing in my eyes. (The original venue I chose was $3,000 less plus came with a day of coordinator)…but it was plenty big, holds 325, we have 300, (invited, not rsvp’d yet), the new venue is bigger, (holds 400), and really costs more because i feel like they, “nickle & dime,” people. We paid more for each space so others wouldn’t be having separate events on our night either. I am a long time poster and lurked for years before when I first met my fiancé and I feel like nowadays I spend way more Time on this annonimous account then I do on my regular one… 🙁
Post # 12
@dulcevida: you are so right but I just can’t say it. I need to sit down and tell my fiance…& he keeps asking why I’m so depressed and what’s wrong & I try to explain it but I’m chicken…and I think he kinda knows but he doesn’t want to say it. We just need to talk. More then anything in the world I do not want to hurt my mother in law because she is really an amazing person and a best friend to me…pre wedding planning of course…
Post # 13
you need to start as you mean to go on. If she’s acting like this now she may very we’ll continue her ridiculous controlling behaviour with other aspects of your life.
i fail to see how you could love a woman who is quite happy to tell you to eject your own flesh and blood from your wedding?! Stop indulging her, or if you are willing to endulge her prepare to put up with her unreasonsble behaviour.
it’s simply a case of put your foot down or put up and shut up (so to speak)
Post # 14
@lifesaver08: you’re chicken? I mean this is a supportive way but you really gotta man up. You’re getting married. Do you have any idea how much courage and work it will take? A hell of a lot more than standing up nicely to your FMIL. You need to learn how to communicate with your FI or this wedding situation will be the least of your worries. Just wait until life gets real. I wish you luck but worrying about hurting your FMILs feelings at this point (after all tha you’ve told us) sounds really immature. Time to hash things out. It won’t be comfortable but you will be happier in the long run.
Post # 15
@lifesaver08: Sorry but it’s time to hurt FMIL’s feelings a bit.
This is how manipulative people work. They take advantage of the fact that other people are too nice and meek and afraid of confrontation, and they use that to get their own way.
Talk to your fiance and get him to help you stand up to her. Agree on some not negotiable items, that you insist on having because it’s your wedding.
Post # 16
@lifesaver08: I understand being afraid and I totally get not wanting to hurt her feelings. I think it’s really kind that you are considering her so much. You should also show some of that kindness to yourself! Here is what I would do:
Think about what really matters to you for your wedding- it sounds like having your brother there and the guest list are some of those things. Maybe write down what really matters to you and what you don’t want to compromise on. Have a conversation with FI and remind him that you love his mom and appreciate her wanting to help. Then tell him that while some of the changes have been fine, some are not what you want and it’s making you feel like you won’t have the wedding you want. Tell him what changes you want to make. Decide together what are your “must-haves” for your wedding. Then decide what role you want his mom to have in the rest of the planning process. You two will have to talk to her but maybe if he can take the lead in the conversation, like WE feel etc. etc. it will be easier.
Hope this helps!!